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Love

Can Guys and Girls Be “Just Friends”?

Boy-and-girl

Hi Project Inspired Sisters! It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to pull together some friends to write about an issue close to your hearts. I’m excited to do that right now!

So, the topic this time around comes to you in the form of a question: Can guys and girls be “just friends”?

Now, I’m not asking “Can we be friendly?” or “Can we be close?”—I’m asking whether or not it’s possible to only be friends with a person of the opposite sex, without strings attached and without the expectation of a relationship. That’s trickier, huh?

I saw a YouTube video that talked about this very issue, and in fact might have spurred a lot of discussion about this question on Facebook. Not knowing what I really thought of the question, I turned to social media and posed the question to my friends. Here are some of the responses I got (somewhat paraphrased and edited for language):

  • “No. Things start to get complicated…I feel like that’s inevitable.”
  • “Yes, but not best friends.”
  • “It just depends.”
  • “Yes, of course! This debate is pointless.”

As you can see, this is a much more polarizing issue than I originally thought! I decided I’d try to put my thoughts in writing for you guys and collect other opinions from some particularly smart people I know. So, without further ado, here are our thoughts on the question: Can guys and girls be “just friends”?

Zach

zachhuntersquareZACH’S VIEW: “IT DEPENDS ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP STATUS”

“As a married man, I’m not going to spend much time with women one-on-one. I’m not going to go to coffee alone with another woman, because I care about my wife’s feelings and our relationship…” (READ MORE)

Zach Hunter, Anti-Slavery Activist and Author of Chivalry and Be the Change

 

 

 

 

Cynthia Jeub Headshot CYNTHIA’S VIEW: CONVERSATION IS THE KEY

“If it’s too hard to even have conversations about boundaries with the guy you want to be ‘just friends’ with, there’s probably not enough maturity between the two of you to succeed in being ‘just friends’…” (READ MORE)

Cynthia Jeub, Writer for The Huffington Post and Blogger, Insights on Epic Living

 

 

 

 

 

Jeevo Headshot JEEVO’S VIEW: “IT IS RIDICULOUS TO BELIEVE THAT FRIENDSHIP IS RESERVED FOR YOUR OWN GENDER”

“We would miss out on the other half of our Creator. We would walk into marriages and dating completely unaware that men and women are extremely different—good different…” (READ MORE)

Jeevo, Christian Singer, Songwriter, Rapper and Producer

 

 

 

 

 

 

Becca Headshot BECCA’S VIEW: IF EVERYONE TOLD THE TRUTH, IT COULDN’T BE DONE

“During the so-called ‘friendship,’ it might seem like you’re just best friends, but if everyone were completely honest, one of the people would probably admit to liking the other more than just friends…” (READ MORE)

Becca Daniel, President of RAVE Ministries, Inc., Mentor and Mom

 

 

 

 

Poll

Whose advice do you most agree with?

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51 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by Runner_with_endurance on October 13, 2015 at 17:23

    I think you can totally be friends! That doesn’t mean you won’t possibly have feelings for them at some point, but if you are truly friends you understand that friendship comes before relationships. I have two guy friends who I would never date. They are awesome! Also my cousin’s best friend since kindergarden is a guy!

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by moriahmm89 on July 3, 2015 at 12:08

    Yes, I do think it is okay. But eventually one person in the realtionship will start having feelings for the other. It’s how it works. It’s the way God made us. If you are in a realtionship having a ton of the opposite sex “friends” is not a wise decision. Unless both parties of the realtionship are super solid in Christ and know the boundaries I wouldn’t advise having a ton- it’s just blind to happen, there is nothing wrong with it but it can lead to some messy things and ruin the friendship. Yes you do need to interact with the opposite sex but being besties with him/her while you are married or dating is not what I think God calls us to do. It depends on many things whether you should be or not.

  3. Musician4Life

    Posted by Musician4Life on July 3, 2015 at 11:47

    I say absolutely. One of my best friends is my bestie’s boyfriend/fiancé. There’s absolutely no way we would ever be interested in each other – even if he was single. We’re awesome friends; partners in crime and that’s it! My other guy best friend is actually my ex. We dated when I was 15 but we’ve only gotten closer since we “dated”. So even though it’s slightly different, we’re still only friends and will always be only friends. And plus, as a pansexual (gender blind when it comes to dating), it would be impossible for me to have friends if I thought you couldn’t be friends with possible romantic partners. My life would suck!!

  4. Trinity

    Posted by Trinity on May 13, 2015 at 19:09

    Okay I know that we’re all Christians so this question is probably going to ruffle some feathers but I have to ask: How do you all think that non-straight people operate?

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by catinabagger on August 12, 2014 at 09:46

    I don’t know where I stand in this situation. My best friend is a boy. And I didn’t like him at first, but now I’m basically in love with him & I found out that he likes me too, it’s quite a complicated situation. I’ve been just friends with guys before but they haven’t had the same intention, so honestly, I don’t know!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by moriahmm89 on July 3, 2015 at 12:03

      Praying for you. Just remember your core focus. Jesus. If you as a couple are worshiping Jesus together and not each other than I think it could work out. But honestly just prap. Prayer is something so incredible I think we all lose sight of. Have a great day! Praying for you! Xo

  6. bridgetknits13

    Posted by bridgetknits13 on August 8, 2014 at 17:10

    OF COURSE. Four of my very best friends in the world are guys, two of them are my older and younger brothers. I would tell them almost anything, except ‘girly talk’ simply because I feel more comfortable talking to my girlfriends abiut those things. It’s so stupid to think that no seperate gender relationships can exist outside of romance and family. I could pour out my entire soul to my guys friends, and love them unconditionally without dating them.

  7. kath660

    Posted by kath660 on August 4, 2014 at 18:10

    of course. there is no pressure to have a relationship if neither is attracted to the other . i have many such wonderful friendships with guys. they’re some of the best friendships i have. 🙂

  8. USGIRL95

    Posted by USGIRL95 on July 12, 2014 at 14:20

    Yes they can be friends there be quastions like re you two dating? You two look like a nice couple! I experienced this many times it’s was Embarssing at first I was only 14/1/2 half y.r.s. Old over four years ago now”.
    I took the embarsment by locking myself in the church”s room it’s was a parents only meeting at my county homeschool group I was at teen group project i”m like I”m just close friends with that guy just holding hands”.

    I totally get that girls”!! It’s normal remember be calm relax it’s nerve wrecking I know it’s common for girls to be dating & sex at age 13-15 it’s used to be talked bout as a bad thing girls didn”t till they were 16 Or older

  9. MaxiQ21

    Posted by MaxiQ21 on July 5, 2014 at 21:27

    Uh, totally! The majority of my friends are guys. I’ve been dating the same guy for about a year and he doesn’t care,which is super coold. I think it’s totally okay, especially if you make it clear that you don’t want to be anything more.

  10. Project Inspired

    Posted by Gabry7351 on June 27, 2014 at 09:23

    I think it’s very simple. COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS OR YOUR STANCE. Ideally guys would state what there intentions are from the beginning and if anything changes after that. But we can’t force guys to fess up so we have to take things into our own hands. If you’re in a point a point where you’re single and uninterested in a relationship make that clear to everyone (verbally not just on posting things on Facebook, Twitter, etc.). I feel that being honest and communicating effectively is a lost art because people have been so used to sugar-coating and speaking white lies. If you’re open to getting into a relationship, then keep a healthy distance between yourself and single guys (especially those who don’t generally talk to girls). If you hang out one on one, let it be neutral locations like college campuses, schools, churches, social events, etc.

  11. Gurl4God

    Posted by Gurl4God on June 26, 2014 at 21:21

    I think it solely depends on the situation. Yes, I have guys who are great friends to me but it starts to change when you grow a deeper admiration for them. If you previously liked a guy, I think it becomes harder to be “just friends”. Trust me, I’ve been there. But if you are just like brother and sister to him it will be fine. The thing that bothers me is if you are friends with a guy, people in our society now are dumb and assume you two have a thing. There’s no such thing as “just friends” with the opposite gender in our new generation. That’s what makes this discussion so hard. It really depends on the people’s interpretations.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Gabry7351 on June 27, 2014 at 09:20

      I think it’s very simple. COMMUNICATE YOUR FEELINGS OR YOUR STANCE. Ideally guys would state what there intentions are from the beginning and if anything changes after that. But we can’t force guys to fess up so we have to take things into our own hands. If you’re in a point a point where you’re single and uninterested in a relationship make that clear to everyone (verbally not just on posting things on Facebook, Twitter, etc.). I feel that being honest and communicating effectively is a lost art because people have been so used to sugar-coating and speaking white lies. If you’re open to getting into a relationship, then keep a healthy distance between yourself and single guys (especially those who don’t generally talk to girls). If you hang out one on one, let it be neutral locations like college campuses, schools, churches, social events, etc.

  12. mkay77

    Posted by mkay77 on June 12, 2014 at 12:27

    My best friend and I may be a rare scenario that doesn’t apply to the general public, but we’ve been best friends for quite a while and know each other to the point we can practically read each other’s minds. Granted, we had crushes on each other, but we never had any kind of lusty actions or thoughts (unless you consider comforting hugs when we’re down lusty). He’s also a phenomenal brother in Christ–I have never once heard him tell me to my face “I’ll pray for you/your family” because he prays with me right there. So I dunno. I definitely agree that this could be a great grey area that’s pretty debatable. Moral of the story, there’s no correct blanket statement that applies for every friendship. c:

  13. Speak4Elohim

    Posted by Speak4Elohim on June 11, 2014 at 13:52

    I think a lot of it depends. Do both you and the guy think of each other as friends only?
    I have a very good friend who I’ve known since I was born, and while we compliment each other, and we talk about lots of things, and we give hugs, and all that jazz, we constantly remind each other of our friendship only relationship. One day I told him I had just been having a really hard week since I had just moved to another state, and he sent me this really sweet song, but with the caption “As just a friend” and once he was feeling down about himself, and I told him about how great he is saying “You know, just because we are friends” and I have to say that is the best friendship I have with a guy, we are so clearly just friends, and yet we aren’t afraid to show that we care for each other because we both know how it is.

  14. cheerleader470

    Posted by cheerleader470 on June 10, 2014 at 15:46

    Thank You soooo much for the post! I must admit i agree with almost all! At school/church I have alot ALOT of what I call buddies! theyre my guy friends, I like spending time with them sometimes more than my besties. I think its important to have guy friends growing up. With some we flirt a little bit but nothing serious i cant think of them being my boyfriend, cause that may ruin our friendship! i learned a lesson when i told one of my guy friends I like liked them, he wrote me a huge paragraph saying how he likes me alot but are friendship means a lot to him and if we were to fight….. I dont know why but it seems like some of my buddies like to flirt its quite confusing on both ends lots of mixed messages!

  15. bellepsalm465

    Posted by bellepsalm465 on June 2, 2014 at 12:36

    HI I love how you all wrote out those articles and You all had amazing points, and I aggreed with all of you to some degree. I could tell you all put a lot of thought and time into your advice. I am young, but a learn daily and my deepest desire is to teach the young girls that come to our church on the bus about how to wisely live their lives and for God, you have all given me something to point to, whenever I discuss this topic with them, a topic that is a little tricky, so thanks 🙂
    P.S. how did y’all get involved in writing for this sight?

  16. jesus101

    Posted by jesus101 on June 1, 2014 at 12:32

    You can. My sister has more guy friends then girl friends.

  17. May All Your Bacon Burn

    Posted by May All Your Bacon Burn on May 31, 2014 at 23:38

    It really depends on who you are and who the guys (or girls) are. I have several guy friends and the awkward side that so many people describe really hasn’t come up. Then again, we also play DnD and play ninja with each other, which I suppose goes against the regular “ideal” hanging-out with guys (if I remember correctly, my sister would often go out to the movies and do other things with her guy friends that could easily be associated with date-like situations. Not to say that smiting monsters isn’t romantic, but the difference is certainly notable ^^”)

    Then again, I’m also a very clueless person, so for all I know they find it awkward. I honestly probably wouldn’t notice if any of them had other interests in mind unless someone pointed it out with a large, modified arrow that said “HE LIKES YOU” in bold letters. So I’m not entirely sure if my opinion counts here…probably helps me a bit, I suppose–if someone cares enough to actually notice a personality trait like that and act accordingly, they’re probably a keeper.

  18. Glamcat101

    Posted by Glamcat101 on May 30, 2014 at 22:03

    This is a subject that can lead to many different directions. It really depends on who you are! I think that guys and girls can be friends as long as they respect each other and don’t take it seriously. I love to have guys as friends and hang out with them ( in a group setting ) because it’s interesting to see how guys react and think about different things.
    I’m not sure if I can say that guys and girls can be ‘best friends’. When going into a serious relationship, the guy that you are interested in should be your ‘best friend’, someone you can share anything with, laugh, care about each other, that’s some of the reasons you would want to marry them, eventually!
    That’s my opinion on it! 🙂

  19. Book-nerd

    Posted by Book-nerd on May 30, 2014 at 18:25

    Thank you for sharing this!! I was actually talking to my dad about this early today lol!

  20. shine4Jesus

    Posted by shine4Jesus on May 30, 2014 at 09:24

    I agree with Becca! Just have fun and don’t take it seriously…. If I had followed this advice it would have saved me lots of mess… Love this! Thanks for putting this into simple language for me to understand clearly! Appreciate it very much!!

  21. Preciousgirly

    Posted by Preciousgirly on May 29, 2014 at 08:58

    I think that it depends on if your married or not. If your married, then it would probably be hard because there would more than likely be temptations. But if you’re not married or younger, then I think it’s okay. I have a best friend, that’s a guy. He and I have known each other since we were born, literally! His mom and my mom knew each other since the 7th grade. He’s only 11 months older than me. I’m 15 and he’s going to be 16 soon. But both he and I are close. He and I both think of each other as siblings, even though we’re just best friends. I had feelings for him for awhile and then they went away. But we have a lot in common and we see each other a lot. We see each other when we visit, when we do plays, (he likes acting) when we go to Youth-Group, and lots of other stuff. I have other guys that are friends, and that’s all we are. I’m homeschooled and so are they, so that’s another reason why I’m friends with guys, and like a sibling to one. So, I’m not saying that this will happen for everyone, but I think that guys and girls can be “Just Friends”. (If you’re married though, I would be extra careful, and I would ask my spouse if it bothered them or not.)

  22. Exlon

    Posted by Exlon on May 29, 2014 at 06:52

    Well, like, I get that if you’re married, it might be inappropriate or insensitive to be best friends with another person of the opposite sex, but if you’re not married or seriously dating, that’s certainly not impossible. My best friend right now is a guy, and actually, we spend time talking about the people we individually care about and NO BIG DEAL. I honestly am not attracted to him that way at all, and am looking for the guy of my dreams, while he’s focused on the girl of his. For me, anyway, most likely if I get married, my husband will have be the best (at least male) friend I’ve ever had, so in that way I guess that would make sense for this question. But that doesn’t negate all my other great/best friendships. I know I’m not going to date or marry my best friend right now, but if I meet someone else, like, that doesn’t make the friendship I have with that one friend go poof.

  23. Alyssa Kristine

    Posted by Alyssa Kristine on May 28, 2014 at 21:19

    Being a single 20 year old young woman, I can see where people might think it’s difficult to be “just friends” with the opposite sex, but I really believe it depends on where you are in life and the purpose of the friendship. Some people become friends because of convenience, some for companionship, some because of shared interests, some just because, and sometimes friendships just happen without an explanation. My best friend of 8 years is a guy, and despite some opinions that we should “be together”, we have and will always be just friends. The craziest, yet most amazing, thing about our friendship is that we couldn’t be more different in any way, and even though life has lead us both in different directions, good and bad, and at times hundreds of miles apart, we laugh at how we have stayed such good friends throughout the years. I believe God puts people in our lives for a reason and/or a season. For me, God placed my best friend in my life to show me that not every male is going to hurt me. For others, it might be something else and the same gender. God has no limits on friendship when it gives Him glory. And to God should always be the glory!

  24. Ryn

    Posted by Ryn on May 28, 2014 at 17:08

    Wow, tough topic. I think it really depends on the girl and the guys. Pretty much since birth, I’ve been closer with guys than girls. Maybe it’s because my brain is wired more like a guy’s or maybe that’s why my brain is that way, but I have always had an easier time identifying with guys. I have close friends that are girls, but my friendships with them are different. With girls I tend to talk about stuff like guys, clothes, school, movies, music, etc. whereas I have an easier time talking with guys about the stuff that really matters, faith, philosophy, science, jobs, etc. I’ve had one friendship with a guy that ended up too much towards the relationship side of things, but I think I’m fine with the others. I think it helps that my group of friends aren’t the sort of people who date in high school. Also, I’m pretty awkward with touchy-feely stuff, so that makes it easy to avoid the issues of physical boundaries with guy friends. I guess in conclusion, I think it is totally possible to be friends with guys, as long as you’re both mature enough for it.

  25. Project Inspired

    Posted by nolasleuth on May 28, 2014 at 15:57

    Love
    Can Guys and Girls Be “Just Friends”?

    This can be tricky, but it is the definitions one applies to terms that matter.
    1st above all a Christian should know what the Bible explains is the boundry’s for any form of conduct or entanglement to people in this world.
    Once you are listening to Jesus, and taking Him where ever you go, then He will help your mind to spot the “counterfeits” and the “enemies” of the Gospel.
    Jesus says “my sheep” hear “my voice” and follow me. IF we follow the voice of the Master then Jesus will never lead us to relationships that involve heathens, pagans, Philistines, and those that reject His wisdom or mock our faith.
    Jesus would never want you to be with a person that seeks to bewitch & beguile you.
    As christian friends we should seek to invest and build up the other person to grow closer to what Jesus has planned for their futures, but be wise about the schemes of the devil.

    We live in a world today that is Plagued with Hedonism and Fleshly Lust.
    We all need the Masters voice to spot a counterfeit, even if they claim to be a christian!
    Jesus has given us His words so our minds can be wise!
    If we spot a counterfeit, Then their father is Satan, Now you must tell Satan “to get behind you” and walk away!
    Be wise as a Serpent, but harmless as the Dove!
    Read Matthew, Mark, Luke & John, there you will find the tools to spot the Counterfeit!
    To God Be the Glory!

  26. freedomlights

    Posted by freedomlights on May 25, 2014 at 23:11

    From the perspective of a single, seventeen-year-old high-schooler with quite a few guy friends, I definitely think guys and girls can be just friends. I have multiple guy friends that I’m really close with, but we’re definitely just friends. I even went to prom with one of them; despite it being a “date setting,” neither of us were thinking beyond friends. I do agree that it depends on what stage of life you’re in, but for me, I do definitely believe that guys and girls can be just friends. Some of my best friends are guys, and it’s really nice to have both male and female friends; I can get different perspectives on issues, and it’s fun to alternate activities with guys and girls. Discretion and good judgement should be exercised, of course, but I see no problem with having good friends of both genders.

  27. Clairabear

    Posted by Clairabear on May 24, 2014 at 10:48

    I guess I have an equal amount of guy/girl friends. There are more guys at my school (small school…) so naturally most of my friends would be guys. I actually prefer do hang out with them because there is MUCH less drama, and they’re just more interesting I think. I DO like being with the girls in my class, but they usually just talk about which guys they like… which I don’t really want to be a part of. I may be a typical girly girl, but the guys that I’m friends with are real great, and they don’t seem to care that I’m a girl, we’re all just friends.

  28. mirandy

    Posted by mirandy on May 22, 2014 at 08:19

    My best friend is a guy. I’m a skater and we’ve skated in the same skate club for almost 6 years. We’re really close as friends. We joke about a having a relationship but it’s all good fun. We love to mess with people and tell them we’re dating but we both have that kind of humor. We don’t hang out much outside the skate rink but we’re really good friends and we both know we can tell each other anything. So yeah you can just be friends with a guy.

  29. jesslt

    Posted by jesslt on May 22, 2014 at 05:37

    It’s weird but I see all of the points that the panel mentioned above. My best friend is my sister, but I currently have more guy friends than girl friends. It gets tricky though, I am very cautious about what I do and wear around them. I only hang out with them during the day ( like chilling in the park, at a coffee house, at the movies) with a group of people, never alone with the guy. I also dress modestly, jeans and a tee shirt, which is what I wear most days, but one of my close guy friends mentioned how he appreciated how I dressed modestly and wished his sister would do the same. So, I agree with Jeevo, I fully appreciate these relationships with these guys and would have missed out on awesome experiences in my life and friendships if I never were friends with them. I also agree that friendship doesn’t necessarily mean you have to be intimate close, i.e. telling them too personal stuff, sometimes its just chillin with them, asking them how their life is, the ups and downs without getting too intimate/personal.
    On the other hand my sister has also experienced a situation where a guy we both were friends with had more feelings for her than she thought. She told him she wanted to be just friends, but he has asked her out twice now. She honestly doesn’t hang out with him that much not even once a week, it’s usually once a month and never alone with just him. He has the kind of personality that her kindness towards him may mean something more. Therefore she has agreed to move him to acquaintance status, so as not to unintentionally lead him on.

  30. rileyyjane

    Posted by rileyyjane on May 21, 2014 at 19:37

    My best friend is a guy. He’s my cousin

  31. Project Inspired

    Posted by allthatglitter on May 21, 2014 at 19:17

    I think it all depends on the guy, and the personality of the girl! Depending if you’re a tomboy, or a girly-girl. 🙂

  32. Project Inspired

    Posted by Caleyellen on May 21, 2014 at 18:49

    My best friend is a guy.My Second best friend is a guy and My third best friend is a girl. I’ve Never had feelings for my second best friend and I only had a blip for my first. I love them both (In a friend way) and don’t know what I’d do without them.

  33. Olivia_Chen

    Posted by Olivia_Chen on May 21, 2014 at 18:44

    I have a lot of guy friends. They all know that I am Christian and I am saving my heart for my husband. If any of them wanted to go deeper, all of them are well aware that I would refuse because as a good friend I know that it’s not very considerate to spend their money that is in reality their parents’. The way I use body language has to be very carefully thought out. Covering up is very important. You can find that balance, but you have to be very careful with the message that comes across when you act a certain way.

  34. Rachel Winsor

    Posted by Rachel Winsor on May 21, 2014 at 18:27

    I think it really depends on the type of people. Some people can accomplish that and some can’t. Personally, it’s not a problem. My best friend is a guy and there are no ulterior motives between us, nor stronger feelings then our friendship. (Yes, we’ve talked about it)
    Sometimes it can be difficult to have a guy that close, especially in public school when you get a lot of rumors about you or pressure, but honestly,if two people care enough about their friendship, they can get past that.

  35. HollyHeart96

    Posted by HollyHeart96 on May 21, 2014 at 13:44

    This hasn’t ever been a serious issue in my life for several reasons. But probably since I’ve always had a guy friend who I am close to. My “best friend” has always been a girl, but I’ve always had a guy in just say my top 5 friends. Persay. Or the group of friends who I am closest to. I don’t think that friendship is gender specific. Friends of both gender are a good thing. But the relationship thing, I do think there should be some space. But only if it’s a committed relationship (i.e. Engaged or married). I think as a relationship becomes more and more serious though the gap grows naturally. But if you do have a close friend of the opposite gender you should just be honest about it with your significant other.

  36. Project Inspired

    Posted by Fall_on_my_knees on May 21, 2014 at 11:29

    Ooo this is a very tough poll. I found that I really liked what Jeevo had to say the most, sharing profound insight in the friendship dynamic, that it could be such a fruitful blessing, opening up and broadening the way we interact to others and how it relates to God. Very nice, never thought of it that way. So beautifully described. However, I can’t help but find it a bit implausible as I feel like so few people understand friendships that way. Perhaps you may, but the other person certainly might not. And even if that’s the case, feeling do end up muddling things and making us see things less clear. And as such, I ended up agreeing with Zach Hunter. And I feel like, out of respect, we ought to keep the other person’s best interests in mind. To be truly selfless in giving up a close friendship for the sake of the person’s salvation and convictions. Because what it’s really about, to help a person stay in Christ. And if you are endangering them by the kind of friendship you are practicing, you are doing them a very great injustice. I’m not saying a girl cannot be friends with a guy, but they certainly must take into consideration all the variables involved. It’s probably best to be acquaintances or distant friends.

  37. lotr1997

    Posted by lotr1997 on May 21, 2014 at 10:43

    I agree with Zach and Jeevo! I think it depends on the situation, and that if you go through life afraid to form friendships with the opposite gender, then you will miss out on a lot. I have always believed that no girl should consider dating someone that she cannot call her best friend, which is why a good friendship is the basis of a good dating relationship. Learning to form friendships with guys will better prepare you for dating one day! In fact, I can honestly say that sometimes I find it easier to be friends with guys as opposed to girls. In fact, three of my closest friends are guys, and I can easily call them all my brothers in Christ!

  38. kellybarta14

    Posted by kellybarta14 on May 20, 2014 at 18:26

    I think it’s fine! Since I came to my new school, I have plenty of guy friends! They are plenty of years younger than me, or not interested in girls, or have a girlfriend, etc. so I haven’t had too many problems staying friends with them. For many girls, like me and a friend of mine, we just don’t connect with girls as well. Personally, I have kind of been an “oddball” my whole life and hang out with guys because there is so much less drama! They don’t fight or spread rumors! I do have plenty of girl friends though.

  39. hobbithobbithobbit52891

    Posted by hobbithobbithobbit52891 on May 20, 2014 at 16:35

    uuummm, obviously they can. even if one likes the other. they can still manage to be friends. in fact, i’m messaging one of my best friends right now….who happens to be a guy.

    • Zhunter

      Posted by Zhunter on May 21, 2014 at 09:33

      Hi Allie,

      Thanks for commenting! A lot of people share your point of view, but did you get a chance to read the other opinions? My answer used to be the same as yours (“yes, of course they can be friends”) and, while I still think it’s possible, I’m more cautious about it now that I’m older. It’s more complicated than I used to think! 🙂

  40. Marcy

    Posted by Marcy on May 20, 2014 at 16:01

    I think it depends on the situation and the people, but it’s definitely possible. I have some guy friends who are basically like family to me. I’ve never had any interest in them, and I really don’t think they have any for me, so being friends is easy.

    Two other things to bear in mind: One, I know couples who started out as friends, became more than that, and are now happily married. Not being “just friends” isn’t a bad thing either. Two, while you can’t keep from crushing sometimes, you can choose not to act on it. I had a friend who I had a huge crush on, but I knew I wasn’t ready for a relationship and did nothing about it and we stayed good friends and nothing more. You can be “just friends” and still be attracted to him.

    • Zhunter

      Posted by Zhunter on May 21, 2014 at 09:37

      Hi Marcy!

      Thanks so much for the comment! I totally agree with you and the balanced nature of your comment. The first part basically talks about how people who were trying to be “just friends” became more than friends… which would seem to imply that guys and girls can’t be “just friends” if attraction is involved (I might be wrong– is that what you meant?). 🙂 I also agree that we can choose not to act on attractions. What if you’re attracted to someone who isn’t very nice to you or who you know pressures people to stretch their moral boundaries? I’d love to hear your thoughts! 🙂

      • Marcy

        Posted by Marcy on May 21, 2014 at 14:04

        Hi Zach!

        Thanks for the reply! I know reading back on my post it wasn’t the most clear. Hopefully I explain it better in this one.

        I think that there are some specific guy and girl couples who can’t be “just friends” and that’s a good thing. They’re mature enough for a relationship, have mutual attraction, and are a good fit, so starting a romantic relationship naturally follows. I only brought this up because now as an old-enough-to-get-married single I have to make sure not to shun relationships with guys because it might turn into something more since I might like it if it led to more.

        However, with most guys and girls as friends, I think they fit into one of two categories. Either there’s no attraction whatsoever, which makes a friendship really easy when they’re both single. (Like you said in your post, that gets a lot trickier when you’re married, but at least as a single this works out well.) Or there is attraction from one of them, but, while they make good friends, they wouldn’t make a good couple (such as the other not being interested, big age gaps, or not being ready/mature enough for a relationship). These are the cases where I’d say you can choose to stay “just friends” because, while you’re attracted to him, you’re not acting on it or letting your feelings get in the way of your friendship. (It’s an awkward line to walk, but I know it is possible. I did it in high school since I knew I wasn’t mature enough for a relationship.)

  41. faith134

    Posted by faith134 on May 20, 2014 at 15:54

    I agree with Becca Daniel’s. I do think that you should have guy friends … you would be missing out on alot if you didn’t! But I also think that your closest best friend *most often* won’t be a guy. You don’t want to leave any room for gossip or questioning about your motives or what really happened so I think that when you do hang out with the oppisite sex, there should be others present.

  42. Champ2343

    Posted by Champ2343 on May 20, 2014 at 13:59

    I agree with Zach Hunter when he says it depends on your relationship status. For example, if you’re single, then it’s fine to have guy friends. In fact, I have a few guy friends and I text some of them. You just have to make sure that God is number one in any relationship you have with any guy. Remember that the right guy will come to you, but you must remember it will happen in God’s timing. 😉

    Also if one of your guy friends is putting you down, you have to be honest with him and tell him how you feel. If he doesn’t stop, then it’s time to turn your friendship into just acquaintances. 😉