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    From a Project Inspired Girl, Jessinia – Dating or Waiting?

    Should you wait to date?

    This is always an important question to ask yourself and God. Does He want you to be dating right now? Or should you be waiting?

    I made a promise to myself and God at the beginning of high school that I would not date at all during my high school years. I’m a junior now and have survived! 🙂

    Here is a little guideline of things that I’m personally keeping in mind while I ‘wait to date’ that I’d like to share with you all:

    THE ‘WAIT’ LIST

    What to wait for: An amazing guy who will love and cherish every part of you! He should know and respect that Jesus is always your number one man in your life.

    Just remember this scripture: “For your Maker is your husband – the Lord Almighty is His name—the holy one of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.” – Isaiah 54:5

    Anticipate the hard part: While waiting, I’m often tempted to date in these scenarios: A guy will like me but I can’t date him; my friends (who are dating) talking about their dates; a cute guy at the mall, etc. Crushes are okay as long as they don’t take over and you find yourself trying to get the guy to talk to you and tempt you too much.

    Another hard thing (even though really you know the guy’s not right): When one of your guy friends starts being interested in you as more than a friend. You need to remind him you’re not dating. He may decide not to be your friend anymore — which means he’s not the guy for you!

    Pray, pray, pray!! Pray for your future husband! Pray for the qualities you seek in the man you want to love forever. Listen to God’s plan for you. He knows who you’ll be with: “For I know the plans I have for you…plans for your welfare, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11

    When you think you’ve found a wonderful guy: Pray some more about him and listen to God! Talk to your parents to see what they think. Talk to your friends to get an outside opinion on this guy. Talk to your youth leader or pastor for guidance. Maybe bring him to youth group with you. Be his friend first!

    Here’s a quote from the book I kissed Dating Goodbye by Joshua Harris.

    “Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us. To lay down our desires and do what is best in his or her best interest. To care for him or her even when there is nothing in it for us, to honor that person’s purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her.”

    Will you wait to date?

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    Written by Jessinia Ruff

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    88 COMMENTS

    1. I’m reading I Kissed Dating Goodbye right now!! So far I think it’s absolutely amazing, and God is telling me that I shouldn’t date. My parents rules have always been I have to wait until I am 16 until I can start dating. I turn 16 in just a few months, and I started freaking out about if I should date or not. On some levels, I still am completely unsure, but I think I’ll just keep my ears open for God’s words.

    2. I made the same commitment when I started High School. I am a senior now and couldn’t be more thankful for that choice.

      Another verse that I always think about is: “Remember your Creator in the days of your youth…” -Ecclesiastes 12:1

      I believe the spirituality of our hearts and minds at this age are not mature enough yet. Not that they will ever be perfect, but we just have a lot more growing to do and we don’t need the temptations of a relationship to get in the way of growing closer to God first.
      LOVE your quote by Joshua Harris. Wonderful book! 🙂

    3. I love this article! i promised God the same thing, but mine extends past even just my high school years. i told God i wouldnt date until He brought me the right guy at the right time, when im ready for marriage.

    4. YAY!! Jessinia, I am so proud of you!! Some of the girls in our youth group have made the same decision. I know it can be hard but God is going to bless you tremendously for the wisdom you are showing. I’m so thankful that you are encouraging other girls to make wise choices and to stick with them! 🙂

    5. Im a freshmen, and havent dated anyone, but theres this guy and he’s only one year older and hes incredibly sweet, he’s a boyscout, and a christiannnn♥ I think he’s gunna ask me outtt(: God comes first though(:

    6. Thank you for this article. I am going to be a Sophmore soon, and I felt like the only person in my school who has never had a boyfriend or a date or ever made out before. I always used to think “What’s wrong with me that I’ve never had a guy ask me out before”, and I would get pretty upset (I kind of still am). I guess this is just God’s way of making sure I find my perfect soulmate.One that will completely except me the way I am. It’s funny because about only 20% of people marry their high school sweetheart. Quite ironic.

      • it IS ironic, because people are too young in High school to understand what commitment for life means. You have to live more, experience more, grow into yourself more before you should settle down with someone in high school. Trust me, I know!! Good for you Kala for staying single, that’s the best way to go!!

    7. im a senior this year and although i didnt make any personal commitment to not date during high school, I did make one to wait for a great guy. He hasnt come yet and im quite happy to be single for another decade if i have to. I dont want to waist my time, emotions, and love on a guy i wont be with in a year or two. if hes the right one, he’ll stick around as a friend till im ready 🙂

        • Ik rachel… but you know… loneliness gets to ya, you start to slowly deteriorate. And i do know this one guy i go to school and church with, he’s really sweet! But idk… i see my friends with guys all the time, laughing, smiling, seeming happy as can be. Love just doesnt want to knock on my door for some reason….

      • It doesn’t come easy! There are many other ways to achieve happiness. Like when a school dance comes around, I’ll go with a group of friends and end up having a ton of fun! I hope you find your own way to become happily independent 🙂

        • Thanks jess! But i dont really get out much. i dont have many friends and nothing to do. So thats not really an option for me.

        • Emily, I don’t really have that many friends either, what you need is something else to invest your time in. Things like hanging out and growing closer with your family and getting involved (or more involved) in a Church and/or youth group. Also, when you feel bored or alone, study the bible and pray. Often when you feel there is a hole in your heart God is the one who needs be to be there, not a boy.

    8. wow thanks! I know this one guy and he’s in my homeroom and he’s a good christian and I think he likes me and we’ve known eachother for 10 years. I usually get too excited and carried away at times though, so please pray that God will be numero uno in my life and all else is 2nd. I’ve never had a boyfriend before and when I told my friends that they go “How can you live with yourself?” That and at our school there isn’t a whole lot of guys worth dating. But idk I go wherever God leads me. “Guard your heart for it affects everything you do.” Proverbs 4:23

      • Dearest Emily, Please don’t become so fixated on getting a boyfriend. I think you need to take this fantastic opportunity to learn about yourself, learn to love yourself, and learn what God expects of you. This is your time. Your time to grow and become the best that you can be -a boy will only distract you from developing into an even more amazing person. God has decided already who is yours. So, don’t stress over it. Happiness comes from you, not a boy. If you cannot be happy on your own, you will never be happy with a boy. God loves you, Emily. He holds you in His heart every day. Trust Him. Love yourself. I will pray for you. God bless you.

        • ik i’m not interested really I just said my friends where surprised. My aunt went her whole life without a boyfriend and she got married in her late 20’s and now they have a beautiful baby girl that’s about 8 weeks 🙂 He’s just my brother in Christ.

    9. Awesome article! I don’t date either, at all. I’ve graduated high school as of recently and have decided I’m waiting completely for the man God has for me. Even though I’ve probably never met my future husband, I love him enough to wait for him!

    10. I’m waiting for the special guy God is gonna send for me, nd I love the fact that he’s my husband at the moment, a lot of girls in my grade jump from relationship to relationship but i’m definatly ready to wait for God’s answer 🙂 <3

    11. I choose to date when im out of highschool cause worse thing you can is date in highschool (note: everyone is different this is what i think about it). The reason why i say that cause they are older guys going to highschool and they can try to use you because your young. Theres not a lot of good guys in highschool all they wang is sex. They act like life is all about sex! Thats why i dont like about highschool there people in there that are like 18 and 20! When i was in middle school guys in highschool try to use middle schoolers! I just dont know whats wrong with guys these days!

      • The book is mainly about not pursuing romanace until you are ready for commitment. That you should make sure you are not focused on having a boyfriend when you enter a relationship, but that you are making God the center of your life. I personally don’t think it is wrong to date as long as you keep God in the relationship 🙂

      • I have never read the book, but the message in this article isn’t to never date in your life. It’s to wait a little and talk to god about and not go and date the first guy you meet at school.

    12. I’m not allowed to date because my daddy wants me to be a flawless gift to my spouse when I get married:). And I’m okay with hat. He says that dating is kind of like practicing for divorce. It makes sense to me. Lol so I don’t date. Guys have asked me out before, but thank God none that really like becuz that would be hard.!! Lol. So I am definitely WAITING.!!! Haha I know Gos has the right guy out there, waitin for me, and I’m excited:D

    13. I don’t think I would ever make a for sure commitment like “I’m not going to date in high school,” because I feel like that could be a missed opportunity. Do I know for sure that I’ll meet my future husband in high school? Of course not, but it could happen, and I don’t want to miss that. My parents were high school sweet-hearts, and they still love each other like crazy!

      But at the moment, I’m deciding not to date. I don’t feel like I’m ready for it yet. But when I’m ready, I’ll know, but for now, I don’t think God would want me dating at such an age. (I’m 14, btw)

    14. This is so good! I’m going to be a sophomore and I am waiting for the right guy. I thought I had found him this year, but God began revealing things and I found out he wasn’t. Wait it out girls, I promise it’ll be worth it!

    15. Where’s the not sure option?!

      I read (most) of ‘I Kissed Dating Goodbye.’ I also really liked “And The Bride Wore White: Seven Secrets to Sexual Purity.” I got those suggestions from a book called “Bloom” which is a christian guide to growing up.

      • There is nothing wrong with dating in high school IF you have the right reasons in mind and it sounds like you 🙂 God called on me to not date in high school but it can be different for everyone.

    16. I do have a boyfriend and I have been dating him since I was a junior (I am now a senior). I believe that he is a really great guy, and this relationship is a long distance relationship also. He is like my best friend, and I believe that God has led him to me for a purpose. I was going through some tough times, and one day we finally met online. We were friends at first but we became something more. Our relationship is innocent, and we are both Christians. We know that we can talk to each other about anything. I thank God everyday that He let me meet him!

    17. This is so good! I’m definitely waiting, I’m 16 and never had a boyfriend or anything before. But it’s hard at school because I’m like the only christian girl in my school and my friends and other people bother me about dating someone and try to set me up with guys to date them and then it’s awkward. I’m kinda shy so it’s hard to stand up for myself, I’ve tried telling them that I’m waiting for the perfect one but they don’t seem to get it. If you can please tell me some advice on this. Thanks! 🙂

      • That is tough! I’m blessed with friends that understand, so I’d try to find friends like that. Maybe there’s a youth group close by that you can find a good group of people to support you through this journey. I used to be shy too, and even though you can’t totally change your personality, try to be more confident in your faith. Show off your values of not dating and eventually your reasons will be understood by others. My prayers are with you!

    18. I had the option of dating throughout high school, but never found someone I could see myself with for more than a week. What’s the point of that? So I waited, and am so glad I did. While it wasn’t always easy, the books by Joshua Harris and Elizabeth Elliot helped confirm I was making the right choice. I am now a sophmore in college and am in my first relationship with a wonderful man of God. Take heart girls! I’ve been there, done that. Use wisdome, pray and seek guidence from your parents/pastors/mentors. The Lord will give you the desires of your heart- taking second best isn’t worth it!

    19. Josh Harris’s books are amazing! I am waiting to date until I find the one. That way, I will be able to give him my heart. And I am committed to staying physically pure till my wedding night. (that includes kissing)

      Great article!

    20. im really not sure if i’ll wait…. this year is a big year for me… it’s 7th grade, it’s my first year on varsity for volleyball, and it has some new people.. becuz i go to a small christian school, it’s cool to have new guys!! and we have some, so im wondering!!

      • You’re so young to be even considering dating! I mean no offense by that, but I would definitely encourage you to not date for a few years. It’s exciting to make a varsity sport and meet new people but focus on making friends first 🙂 New boys are exciting and tempting but focus on making life time friends with girls before boyfriends that may not last as long.

    21. I have waited for 17, almost 18 years, and am continuing to do so until God brings the right guy along. I have never even have a guy friend! I am happy to have not been dating anyone yet! It seems like now a days, girls around 14 are dating! I think even 16 is a little young!

    22. This is all so true. I am now a senior in high school, and have had one boyfriend… which lasted for all of 4 days. That was how long it took me to realize that waiting was so much more worth it. Sure, there are nice guys out there, but at this age, there aren’t any guys who have matured into men! God’s preparing someone amazing for each of us and we shouldn’t waste our time by selling ourselves short. Being friends with guys is awesome, but anything more than that… it’s not necessarily “bad”, it’s just a waste of our energy.

    23. I’ve been praying for a boyfriend for a long time,and it seems like God takes way too long sometimes. I don’t want to rush into relationships,but those kind don’t last. Unfornately,I have because I have broken up twice with the same person. I promised God that since I have broken up with him,that I won’t date anyone the rest of my senior year,unless he tells me otherwise. I feel like I’ll never be in “True Relationship” God please hurry! I need a boyfriend.

    24. For right now I’m DEFINATLY waiting to date (I’m only 13) My mom says I can have a boyfriend just not kiss,hold hands, hug, flirt, or go on any date. So therefore it’s basically set as no dating. Which i don’t mind I’m totally not ready and my friends and people around me make fun of me for not even having my first kiss and not having a boyfriend?? Whatever I want a real relationship not messing around I know I’m to young and that God has the perfect guy out there for someone.

    25. I read I Kissed Dating Goodbye and it really opened my eyes. It taught me to see singleness as a gift, not as a punishment, and it helped me get over my boy-craziness. Another book that helped was Lies Young Women Believe by Dannah Gresh and Nancy Leigh DeMoss.
      Thanks for the article 🙂

    26. I think parents that make you wait to date are kind of controlling. I’ve never had restrictions, but then again, I’ve never dated. I think it’s up to the girl to decide when to date. Also, date people with similar values and you won’t worry about what to do.

    27. Wow i love that you are waiting! I am too! Im not allowed to date yet and i want to save my First Kiss for my wedding day!!! I know that with the world we live in, temptation will certainly be there, but with God’s help i know that i can do it!

    28. I am sixteen and i have been single from the day i was born till i committed to fully wait on the Lord and stay content at the same time. Whether Jesus wants me to be single or married, i will praise and serve Him all the same and be content because He truly completes me. I have decided to let the Spirit of God lead me and not logic or emotions.

    29. The preacher Kellie Copeland Swisher has a great message about the “Purelife.” Basically it says not to date because that means you’re experimenting with your own choices when you should really be trusting God and following His plan for you. I think when we’re so young (like in high school) we should really be focused on hearing the voice of God and walking with Him, and then God will guide us to our mate. Jesus should always be our #1 priorities, and I think it’s easier for high school students to keep Him first without the clutter and drama of frivolous romantic relationships.

    30. When I was in High School I decided not to date until after graduating. The last thing I wanted was drama or something else to distract me from my studies. Senior year has come and gone (so happy about that! lol) now I’m just waiting for God to bring me the right guy. Of course when were both ready!

    31. Thank you so much for posting this! I too am a Junior and have been opting for the same thing. Seeing girls around me getting heartbroken and doing stuff they wouldn’t normally do has made me realize–whats the point of dating? Of course I’m gonna struggle with my decision at times but we might get married after high school anyways, so i say enjoy your life while you can! lol God bless you girls, and Nicole for what you do.(:

    32. I made the same commitment in the 8th grade I think. I am now a senior, and am glad i didn’t date. It saved me from so much!! I get weird looks when i tell people that i’m not dating, but i think they see the good when they break up with their gf/bf. And how I don’t have to deal with that. I’m gonna check out that book. 🙂

      • That’s so great! Yeah, the non-believers I tell can’t understand why I’m not dating and even some Christians too! But, you just have to stick with your commitment and don’t let the weird looks change your mind. The book is great 🙂

    33. I decided to wait to date after several months of trying to make a decision and I couldn’t be happier. No longer do I have to try and look “attractive” to the guys that are walking by or wonder what the guy across the room thinks of me. It’s truly freeing to just focus on Jesus. Unfortunately, I haven’t told any of my friends or family. None of my friends would understand (most of them are pining away for a boyfriend)and my mom would definitely not like my decision either. I’m praying ,though, for God to give me the strength to live up to my decision and take to criticism that will come with it. This article helps a lot. Thanks!

    34. I’m 13 now and I promised myself… I think two years ago that I will not date until I’m 17. Another thing I promised myself. When I start dating, I will not kiss the guy until my wedding day. Someone I know (she’s older than me, obviously) did this and it’s on great way to see if you have the right guy. When she told him, “you’re worth the wait”. I am definitely waiting for a guy like that 🙂

    35. I am stumped… I’m not dating, but I think I’ve found the guy that God made for me… and he like me back! Were waiting a while to date and its really hard, but I think its worth the wait. He often talkes to me about us kissing… Is kissing him after we go out a way of loosing purity? Is it goin to far in Gods eyes? Please help me guys!!

      • I would pray to see if God wants you together! It’s definitively worth to wait, even to kiss! You can define purity in your own way but by kissing a boy you are giving up a part of your heart that if it’s broken, it will cause you heartache. Also, when you kiss you may fall into temptation to do more. I’d say set boundaries and discuss them with this boy.

    36. I’m in middle school and I’m trying my hardest not to date yet, but it’s just so hard because a lot of my friends are dating and sometimes it just makes me feel left out, and I have a crush on this boy at my school, so this article helped me a lot! Thanks so much Jessinia!

      • I have friends that are dating right now too. You will be tempted by your peers to get into a relationship. But, you will be tempted even more if you are in a relationship. Crushes are fine as long as they are temporary and don’t take up a lot of your thinking. Your welcome! I’ll pray for you!

    37. I made the commitment not to date in high school when i was in 8th grade.. (i just finished my junior year a few days ago!) God convicted me at that time to save my first kiss till marriage… around that time he sent a young couple in my life.. Brett and Laura Beth Williams.. they had just graduated college and gotten married.. (they were on true life im a newly wed.. dont watch it if you are to young though!) Laura Beth made a commitment not to date till her sophomore year of college.. and her sophomore year brett asked her out.. soon after she found out that he had never dated anyone either.. they ended up saving their first kiss for marriage.. fast forward a few years now they are married with a baby on the way.. my point is that you dont have to date in high school. God will bring you together with the man he wants you to be with.. it will happen in his time.. in the mean time build friendships.. spend time loving on other girls.. be a light to them in this hurting world… youll be glad you spent this time serving the Lord and others not focused on some boy you end up breaking up with halfway threw senior year.. i dont want to date till i know im ready and at an age were i can make the commitment of marriage.. i really recommend the book before you meet prince charming.. now i dont 100 % agree with everything in the book there is some really good stuff in there.. in the end pray about it, seek gods will, and wise council and god will show you the way

    38. I know this article was written over a year ago, but just came across it today and couldn’t resist commenting 🙂 My parents and I have discussed the whole “dating” and “courting” thing and have laid down a few guidelines and family rules, mainly to help me keep the focus on Jesus and wait for the right time and guy! Our family rule is that any boy who is interested in going beyond friendship has to first ask my parents if he can pursue me. Our other family rule, is that I have to be at least 17 before I can date/court. Some of my own, personal guidelines, are that I am saving my first kiss for my wedding day, and that I don’t want to just causally date someone– when I begin to go out with a guy, it’s because we are both committed to the relationship and each other. I don’t have a boyfriend yet (not quite 17) and honestly, I know I’m not ready for one. I believe that, it’s not the right time for me and if I jumped into a relationship like that, I’d end up missing out on the fullness of what God has for me right now. Don’t get me wrong, there are times I would REALLY like a BF. It can be SO SO hard to wait– especially when a really amazing and God-loving guy comes around… which is why I’m constantly having to give my heart to Jesus and ask Him to help me keep the focus on Him. Way to go Jessinia for choosing not to date at all in high school! And to all you other PI girls who are making commitments to honor God with all your relationships 🙂 It’s SO gonna be worth it! One day, we’re going to look back on our decisions to trust Jesus and His timing, and we’ll be super glad that we did <3

        • Not at all! For me, it was the best decision. I knew that God was calling me not to date and because of that he wouldn’t bring any men into my life worth dating (and he hasn’t). I’m almost done with my senior year of high school and have made many friends (guys and girls). If you think God wants you to date in high school, listen to Him. But make sure it’s what God wants and not what you want.

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