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Reply To: Courting Vs. Dating

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Hey! I don’t know how old you are, but I’m 18. And let me tell you that I think your parents’ advice is awesome! I know how it feels to want to be in relationship with someone, believe me when I say you’re not the only one who has ever felt that way (obviously lol)! I felt that way plenty of times, and I know that other girls do, too! I mean all you have to look at our society today, and you see how much society pushes for teens and even kids to date/be in relationships younger and younger! It honestly is sad and ridiculous when you really begin to realize how 6th graders (or even younger kids) are already worrying about boyfriends/girlfriends! People are begining to forget that the whole reason you date/court is because you’re ready to get married! Yes, MARRIED! So, I guess my first question is: are you REALLY ready to get married? And don’t just answer right away, really think about it. Because I never did, and unfortunately I never really asked God if I was ready. I *FELT* like I was ready. And ever since I was a little girl I’ve always had that question of, “Who is the guy I’m going to marry??… Is it him?…What about this guy?” And you know what I didn’t end up realizing until THIS YEAR during this past spring?? I wasn’t waiting on God at all… I was LOOKING for my love of my life. And not only that by I was doing it all on MY OWN. Like I told you before, I’m 18. I’ve had two boyfriends ever, and yes, we dated. The first boyfriend, honestly you probably can’t even call him my first because our actual relationship lasted two weeks (AND we hung out only like 3 times within the 6 or 7 months I had been talking to him-that’s including when we were actually going out). But you know what I found with these two guys that I had dated?? ***And please pay really close attention to this!***
I found heartbreak. Not just because there’s a piece of your heart that is given away each time you’re in a relationship with a guy, but also, because I made some wrong choices. When you’re looking for the person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with on your own, you’re not going to find him. Because it’s YOU **looking** for him, and not waiting on God to bring him your way. I’m not saying that courting is bad at all, but when you are courting, it’s with the intent of marriage later. I mean you date with the intent of marriage, as well, but it’s with you feeling ready for marriage and isn’t promising that the person you’re dating is the person you’re marrying. You see, we can’t do this, or any part of life, on our own. We can only do this with God. He knows us better than we could ever know ourselves. He knows when we are ready to get married, and ready to know who that person is who we will spend the rest of our lives with. He knows what changes we have to go through, or what we need to learn in order to be ready to be the wife that He created us to be for our husbands. And every time I looked for my future husband, I found myself making wrong choices and having a broken heart. And the brokenheartedness (pretty sure that’s not a real word, but that’s okay! ;X ) sucks every single time. Unfortunately, I didn’t have my eyes completely opened to this until after my ex and I officially broke up. And finally, I surrendered and trusted that part of my life to God. This is literally what I told HIm, “God I’m done!… I’m done with this! I’m done looking because all that ever happens is heartache! I’m done looking…. So you’re just going to have to bring him to me, and have it absolutely clear to me that this is the person you have for me! Putting no doubt in my mind that this is the one you have for me.” And you know what? I don’t worry anymore. And God’s done just that. He’s brought/revealed to me who that person is, and did the same for him. Every single thing and more, that I ever hoped and prayed, and made a list of things I wanted in the person I’d spend the rest of my life with, is in this person! <3 Jesus is soooo awesome! Wait on Him! And right now, while you’re single, don’t just do nothing while you wait. Make sure you look into and seek God in what it means for you to become the wife He created you to be for your husband someday. I’d really encourage reading Preparing To Be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl!<3 It’s an amazing book that changed my life and the girls in my youth group’s lives as well! It will open your eyes to things you never really realized or thought of before! Just seek God in this time of your life, and ask Him when the right timing is for you, or why He would want you to wait. And don’t forget that your parents are wise and want what’s best for you. Looking back, I know I was not ready to be looking for the person I was going to marry someday. So if you’re going to hear only one thing hear this: don’t rush to be in a relationship, and trust God with that part of your life. He knows when you’re ready and when you’re not. He loves you and wants the best for you (and so do your parents). And for right now He wants to be involved in every part of your life, and He wants to be the one you’re in relationship with. He wants to be your boyfriend! 😉 So let Him! Who better to have taking care of you right now while you wait, anyways?? He’s faithful, and He’ll show you the way! Love you, girl!
Your friend,