Girl to Girl Talk: “Help! I’m Dating a Nonbeliever and Need to Break It Off”
Written by Christi Given | February 9, 2015
Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions.
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This week a PI Girl asked me about dating a nonbeliever and feels she needs to break it off with him because he’s not a believer. Click here to read the full post.
Generically speaking, if you are dating someone who is not a believer, it may be hard to pursue the things of God if your boyfriend is not spiritually on the same page. You may find that he may not value your desire to want to go to church weekly or want to study God’s word with you. Maybe he can be flexible initially, but things can change over time. This is not to say he won’t change his ways and maybe possibly can believe, but it’s harder on the relationship, especially if you desire to go deeper in the Lord. Typically, if you are with an unbeliever, he may have a different lifestyle from you; for example, he may want to party whereas you may want to go to a youth event or outreach.
Again, this is just a generic overview regarding someone in this position who has to break it off with someone who isn’t spiritually on the same page as you. The Bible says it this way:
Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)
This instruction isn’t to harm you, but rather protect you.
Read an article similar to this one here.
Here are some reasons why you should consider being just friends with your current boyfriend if he is a nonbeliever.
1. The relationship may cause you to drift away from your faith. He may not desire to go to church with you or may not be as passionate about it. You should want to be with someone and you deserve someone who will lead you spiritually and will honor your wishes, your purity and your relationship with Christ. You don’t want to feel like you need to change the person to be happy.
At your age, you are probably not ready to date, let alone get married, and a young man your age is probably only immature and young. Also, there’s a chance he may not be ready for a deep relationship with the Lord.
Of course you should pray for him and invite him to church, but again, if you don’t have the same beliefs, it will strain your relationship. Most likely you aren’t ready for a relationship even with someone on the same page spiritually, but it’s even more of a challenge if you aren’t equally yoked.
I recommend a courtship leading to marriage at the appropriate age when you are ready to be married. Click here to read a recent PI article on “Am I Too Young to Get Married?”
2. You might be fooled by words or empty promises. Sometimes people will say things to get what they want and they might tell you yes, they’ll go to your youth group or Bible study—and then things go back to normal. Maybe it’s best to be friends or acquaintances. You don’t want to get heartbroken and don’t want to get your hopes up.
3. You have to be the spiritual leader. It is in God’s design that God is the head of Christ and Christ is the head of man, and man is the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 3:23). God is a God of order, and it is not His perfect plan for a young woman to have to try to make her guy be on the same spiritual wavelength. God says to guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life, and it sounds like you have already heeded the warnings if you are already questioning the relationship.
4. You may be too young to date in general. You may think “If I never date, how will I marry?” Honestly, your relationship with a man of God should be founded on the rock, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and then, of course, built on a friendship. When the relationship blossoms, it will be fruitful. If you honor God, He will honor you. His Word is to protect us, not to keep us from having fun or experiencing life. God is your Father and has his daughter’s best interests at heart. Trust Him and that He has the best reserved for you.
5. You don’t have peace in your spirit. Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and when we make decisions, they are not always easy. We need to seek God first and ask what HIS will is because it is always perfect and good for us. (Even when we don’t feel like it is.) Let’s remember God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts (Isaiah 55).
PI Girls, make sure that whatever decision you have to make that you first pray, seek counsel from your parents or a Christian mentor (someone stronger in their faith than you, like a youth pastor), and also use love, gentleness and graciousness when expressing the desire to just be friends with a guy. God bless you! Praying for you all!