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Girl to Girl Talk: “Help! I’m Dating a Nonbeliever and Need to Break It Off”

Woman-Thinking-Sad

Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions.

Join our Girl Talk forum by clicking here.

This week a PI Girl asked me about dating a nonbeliever and feels she needs to break it off with him because he’s not a believer. Click here to read the full post.

Generically speaking, if you are dating someone who is not a believer, it may be hard to pursue the things of God if your boyfriend is not spiritually on the same page. You may find that he may not value your desire to want to go to church weekly or want to study God’s word with you. Maybe he can be flexible initially, but things can change over time. This is not to say he won’t change his ways and maybe possibly can believe, but it’s harder on the relationship, especially if you desire to go deeper in the Lord. Typically, if you are with an unbeliever, he may have a different lifestyle from you; for example, he may want to party whereas you may want to go to a youth event or outreach.

Again, this is just a generic overview regarding someone in this position who has to break it off with someone who isn’t spiritually on the same page as you. The Bible says it this way:

 

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? (2 Corinthians 6:14)

 

This instruction isn’t to harm you, but rather protect you.

Read an article similar to this one here.

Here are some reasons why you should consider being just friends with your current boyfriend if he is a nonbeliever.

1. The relationship may cause you to drift away from your faith. He may not desire to go to church with you or may not be as passionate about it. You should want to be with someone and you deserve someone who will lead you spiritually and will honor your wishes, your purity and your relationship with Christ. You don’t want to feel like you need to change the person to be happy.

At your age, you are probably not ready to date, let alone get married, and a young man your age is probably only immature and young. Also, there’s a chance he may not be ready for a deep relationship with the Lord.

Of course you should pray for him and invite him to church, but again, if you don’t have the same beliefs, it will strain your relationship. Most likely you aren’t ready for a relationship even with someone on the same page spiritually, but it’s even more of a challenge if you aren’t equally yoked.

I recommend a courtship leading to marriage at the appropriate age when you are ready to be married. Click here to read a recent PI article on “Am I Too Young to Get Married?”

2. You might be fooled by words or empty promises. Sometimes people will say things to get what they want and they might tell you yes, they’ll go to your youth group or Bible study—and then things go back to normal. Maybe it’s best to be friends or acquaintances. You don’t want to get heartbroken and don’t want to get your hopes up.

3. You have to be the spiritual leader. It is in God’s design that God is the head of Christ and Christ is the head of man, and man is the head of the woman (1 Corinthians 3:23). God is a God of order, and it is not His perfect plan for a young woman to have to try to make her guy be on the same spiritual wavelength. God says to guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life, and it sounds like you have already heeded the warnings if you are already questioning the relationship.

4. You may be too young to date in general. You may think “If I never date, how will I marry?” Honestly, your relationship with a man of God should be founded on the rock, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, and then, of course, built on a friendship. When the relationship blossoms, it will be fruitful. If you honor God, He will honor you. His Word is to protect us, not to keep us from having fun or experiencing life. God is your Father and has his daughter’s best interests at heart. Trust Him and that He has the best reserved for you.

5. You don’t have peace in your spirit. Jesus is the Prince of Peace, and when we make decisions, they are not always easy. We need to seek God first and ask what HIS will is because it is always perfect and good for us. (Even when we don’t feel like it is.) Let’s remember God’s ways are not our ways and His thoughts are not our thoughts (Isaiah 55).

PI Girls, make sure that whatever decision you have to make that you first pray, seek counsel from your parents or a Christian mentor (someone stronger in their faith than you, like a youth pastor), and also use love, gentleness and graciousness when expressing the desire to just be friends with a guy. God bless you! Praying for you all!

Image: Lightstock | Lucas Cornwell

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7 Comments

  1. bradylove44

    Posted by bradylove44 on April 30, 2015 at 13:14

    “he may have a different lifestyle from you; for example, he may want to party whereas you may want to go to a youth event or outreach.” I know the author uses the word “may” but it still bugs me that people always seem jump to the conclusion that if you’re a non-believer there’s a pretty good chance that have no morals and just want to party. As a non-believer myself I hate partying and have never really done it, but know plently of christians at my school who have and do it frequently.

  2. USGIRL95

    Posted by USGIRL95 on March 28, 2015 at 19:25

    not worth dating non Christian guys I rather not waste my time, its not wise thing to do,. decline poliety if they ask you to go on a date say I can’t date u we don’t ‘ve the same belifs or lifestyle.,

    1 Corinthians 6:18

    verse 18Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against the body.

    1 Corinthians 7:14 KJV

    14For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now they are holy.
    1 Corinthians 15:33 KJV

    33Be not deceived: evil communications corrupt good manners.

    a nonbeliever young man can lead u to being deceived with bad company he can be drug dealing behind your back, don’t date or merry unbelievers please girls don’t do it.,

  3. martial_artist_for_Jesus

    Posted by martial_artist_for_Jesus on February 11, 2015 at 11:26

    Lately, I’ve noticed PI posting a lot of articles about dealing w/ or dating nonbelievers, and I’ve decided… God’s officially trying to get my attention about something that’s been gnawing at me for about six months now. I met a guy online through a geek group on facebook, and we started messaging and becoming close friends; however, though he believes in God, an afterlife, and knows ABOUT Jesus (he grew up in a kind of Christian environment– his mom’s saved), but doesn’t have Him in his heart, which guts me so much. I developed feelings for him (forbidden feelings >.> ) even before we started messaging, when he started liking tons of my comments and chatting with me through posts. I learned, after about a month of messaging, that he actually had a crush on me too. However, we had several….. disagreements, shall we say, about beliefs and stuff…. but the one that he particularly disliked was the one where I didn’t want to date him because I’m saved, and he, while being a very good person, a fellow Aspie and geek, was not. He didn’t understand, and naturally became very angry, hurt, and upset, that I didn’t even want to “try to make it work” (should probably also mention…. he lives in another country; however, to help confirm that he was who he said he was we started video-chatting on Skype…. his face and accent confirmed at least part of his ID. And no…. haven’t really given out TOO much personal info to him LOL ). He was upset and angry that I suggested he find a girl whose beliefs were closer to his that he date instead, and he actually has (though, he said he started dating her partially due to my wanting him to =P ) , which even though kinda stings a bit (right… in…. the…. heart…) . But, the bad thing is, he now has strong feelings for the BOTH of us….. and though she’s his technical girlfriend, he flirts w/ me quite a bit, which makes me feel bad for her. I feel that I’m almost “leading him on” though I don’t know how I could be doing that, since all this social dating stuff is somewhat new material for me (having Asperger’s and all) …… I just want him to be happy, and he really wants the same for me….. even said, “I’d give my life if it meant you’d be happy. And I mean it.” among w/ that I should go out w/ whomever I was in love w/, and marry the guy, even if it wasn’t him, which kinda made me feel worse (for him)…. so, yeah….
    Sorry it’s so long and tedious to read O.O that’s actually the UNcomplicated version, believe it or not XD

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Momo on February 27, 2015 at 09:56

      Gurrrrrl, those are some intense complications. lol. Just give it all up to God. What does His Word say? Don’t be unequally yoked with non-believers. The husband should love the wife like Christ loves the church. If he’s not saved and therefore doesn’t know Christ, how can he follow His example? Not saying he’s your husband. I guess it comes down to why you’re interested in him. Marriage? A lasting relationship? Or for fun / experience / pleasures, all of which CAN be used by God to benefit you, but God can also teach you a lot when you wait and choose not to date. You’ll have to figure that you with God. Please protect your heart. He bought it with His life, after all. Please give it back to Him (not out of obligation but out of love for Him).

      • martial_artist_for_Jesus

        Posted by martial_artist_for_Jesus on April 19, 2015 at 13:11

        1st off, I apologize for getting back so late 🙁 but that aside, thank you, thank you for responding!!! I’ve really, really been struggling a lot lately w/ it and I appreciate it. I’m currently trying to keep it a more platonic relationship, even though it’s a bit hard, but your prayers are ALWAYS welcome! 🙂

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by speaklife5 on February 10, 2015 at 19:11

    What if you’re dating a guy who is just starting his walk with Christ?

    • Caitlin1896

      Posted by Caitlin1896 on July 23, 2015 at 23:28

      You should support him in his walk. Show him a few scripture verses that’ll encourage him, go to church with him, take him to outreach, etc. Push him in his walk with Christ 😉