Girl to Girl Talk: “How Can I Find Fellowship?”
Written by Christi Given | October 24, 2015
Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions.
Recently, a PI Girl asked how to find good, solid fellowship because she can’t seem to get it where she goes. Click here to read her full post.
“I’m 75% introvert, give or take, but I don’t have a problem talking to people in general. I also know that fellowship, or worshipping God with others, is important, but I can’t seem to get past just singing in church. My church has a youth group, both during and outside of church, and I’ve been to a friend’s youth group once. Whenever I go to my church’s youth groups, I feel a disconnect, like I’m not on the same frequency. It’s not like our beliefs are different, but it just seems immature at times…I like my friend’s youth group… I’ve prayed about it, but I really don’t want to have a ‘wait [for] a college youth group’ mentality about this.”
First of all, thank you for sharing about this topic, because I am sure many people struggle with this, especially if they are shy or not as outgoing as others. Being a new person in a church can feel overwhelming, and after being a part of two church plants in Los Angeles, I can even relate as an extrovert. Even if you seem to be more mature than others, I would recommend you to continue to go, as YOU could potentially end up being a youth leader. Ask your youth pastor how you can help, and realize you are needed and God wants to use you!
Some advice I would give you as a newcomer to a youth group or church is that it is important to reach out to those around you who may also feel lonely or left out. Try to invite others into your conversation or humbly ask someone how they are doing or if they need prayer.
Next, it is important that you get involved in the church in some aspect. I believe this is very key in building relationships and developing deeper roots within the church. God’s Word says that we will flourish and bear fruit if we stay plugged into His house or the body of Christ. A lot of times people clock in and out of services and are not rooted deeply within the congregation or programming, hence why they feel a disconnect. Why? Because they ARE disconnected when they show up and leave right after service. We are created and designed to worship God and serve others.
Those who are planted in the house of the Lord shall flourish in the courts of our God. (Psalm 92:13)
Understand that church isn’t a place, but rather the people. When thinking of God’s bride and His church, we need to realize the people are the hands and feet of Jesus. We are the temples, we are the place where His Holy presence dwells. Let’s not think of church as an “event” or social club, but rather where WE can step up and serve. When we take our eyes off ourselves, we can get a revelation that we are needed, are here on earth to fulfill God’s will and purpose, and will have more joy by refreshing others.
Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? (1 Corinthians 3:16)
Tips on How to Find Fellowship
1. Step out and talk to someone: You may feel lonely, but I can guarantee someone else does, too. Be brave and say hi to someone you don’t know. You never know where the friendship could lead.
2. Look out for those in need: Offer prayer to someone, or if someone looks new, ask if they have attended before. Even as an introvert, challenge yourself to be bold and take a step of faith.
A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed. (Proverbs 11:25)
3. Get involved: The best way to cure loneliness is to offer a service and help out where needed. Don’t have a victim mentality, but rather a victor-ious mentality. People need you and you need others, so let’s all serve and love one another, just as Christ led by example.
Once, I heard a quote by Pastor Greg Laurie, who said that large churches become more intimate churches when we serve.
You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love. (Galatians 5:13)
4. Sign up for a connect group or Bible study, or go to youth group regularly: If you decide to get plugged in regularly, start building those core relationships with your leaders and peers, and be consistent. Even when you don’t see results or feel like you are settled in a comfort zone, keep going, because eventually it will blossom into something great.
For example, when you plant seeds, if you get tired of watering and stop, they won’t grow. If you keep watering them, and tending to what you have planted, you will end up with something beautiful…it just takes time. Hang in there!
Remember, love is PATIENT. (1 Corinthians 13:4)
5. Don’t quit or stop going: Sometimes our flesh or feelings may lie to us and we may think there is no point in going to youth group, Bible study or fellowship meetings. This is a lie from the enemy of our souls! The Bible clearly says to not forsake the gathering of the assembling of believers (which is the body of Christ), and we must hold fast to this truth and obey God’s Holy Word. Sure, you may have seasons of transition or harder seasons than others, but remember you are not alone! We all go through this at some point in our lives as believers. Change your perspective and try to be a blessing for someone else by showing up.
Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching. (Hebrews 10:25)
PI Girls, how do you meet people or grow in fellowship? Comment below!