Be advised: This week’s material is for more mature teens.
Every week I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and council. I want to help answer some of your questions about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions.
This week’s question comes from a couple of girls asking about sexual purity, lustful thoughts and other issues like masturbation and sex:
I don’t want to offend anybody. I am virgin, but i don’t see why sex is supposed to be so special. I know that marriage thing but WHY is it so special we should wait? I am just very confused.
I heard that it is wrong to masturbate if you are a Christian. Is this true? Just curious.
These are some great questions, and the answers can be difficult to figure out as a teen because of the sexualized culture we live in. With films, music, movies and the media telling young people that premarital sex is the norm, how can a Christian girl remain pure until her wedding day? How can a young person go against the strong current of the world we live in?
So if your eye–even your good eye–causes you to lust, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell (Matthew 5:29).
First of all, if you have sexual feelings for someone, it’s not abnormal. It’s human nature. We all will most likely experience love, temptation and the natural feelings that come with that. The Bible talks about love and passion in the Song of Solomon, and we also know that God created sex for marriage. The issue with our culture is that the world will tell you that you can be with whoever you want for however long you want with no commitment required.
God wants the BEST for you, and He designed you to be sexually pure for ONE person who you could spend the rest of your life with. Granted, you may have fallen or may feel unworthy of marriage if you have messed up in that area, but God sees your heart. There is forgiveness!
Purity and marriage are the best choices because you are in God’s will. God loves marriage. He designed it and wants to bless it. This doesn’t mean you won’t have to sacrifice or work hard at it, but it will be rewarding. Just like with anything else you have to work on, the outcome will be better than if you did it the world’s way. Why?
First, when you are pure, you aren’t at risk for pregnancy outside of marriage, which can be hard on a teen who may not be ready for the responsibilities of adulthood and parenting. Secondly, you avoid catching sexually transmitted diseases. Thirdly, you are waiting on God for His best because you trust in Him and are waiting for a man of God who will respect you and honor you. (See singer Joel of for KING & COUNTRY discuss this in his video on respect and honor!)
Why is waiting to have sex a better option than sleeping with your boyfriend?
The world won’t tell you how much heartbreak and emotional damage it causes once the relationship is over or when the pleasure ends. There is a war for your soul, your purity and your integrity (Ephesians 6:12). We have to stand up as women of God and be different. God wants to bless you, not torture you. Even though at times you may feel like it is hard or that there is so much peer pressure, remember, you are different as a follower of Christ and a representative of God. God even tells us to not conform to the patterns of the world but to be transformed by renewing of our minds (Romans 12:2).
When you are ready for a lifelong commitment of serving your spouse in marriage and God has brought a man of God into your life, you are mature enough to handle the responsibilities of sex within the confinements of marriage, which God wants you to have and enjoy.
May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth (Proverbs 5:18).
Regarding the question about masturbation, let’s look at some scriptures to see what God’s Word tells us about holiness and purity. We know that the Bible doesn’t specifically use the word “masturbation,” but there are many scriptures on lust, adultery and purity. When it comes to sexual temptation, you should ask yourself, “Is this harming my relationship with the Lord or is this not affecting my walk with God?” Ask God and He will surely tell you!
Who may ascend to the hill of the Lord? Who may stand in his holy place? [She] who has clean hands and a pure heart, who does not lift up [her] soul to an idol or swear by what is false (Psalm 24: 3-4).
The Bible warns us to take our thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5) and that if a man looks at a woman with lust, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart (Matthew 5:28). God takes purity very seriously, and if you love the Lord and have reverence for Him, consider your thoughts and examine your heart. This doesn’t mean you will be perfect or will never face temptation; there is a constant battle for our attention, even in movies, television and media.
My advice is to guard your heart and mind, ask God for help, pray, and work out your own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12). No one has to give an account to God but you. Your mom, your friends, your boyfriend or your ex-boyfriend won’t stand in for you–you yourself will have to stand before God one day.
So then, each of us will give an account of himself to God (Romans 14:12).
Girls, if you still have questions or are struggling, I recommend a pair of great books, written for males and females individually, called Every Young Man’s Battle and Every Young Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge and Stephen Arterburn. These books have a Christian worldview of how to remain set apart for the Lord and how to overcome the natural struggles teens face. They are available at Barnes & Noble and Family Christian stores.
I pray that this article will help you, girls. Comment below if you have further questions!
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