Girl to Girl Talk: How to Prepare for Marriage Without Idolizing It

    Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions. Contact me @ChristiGiven.

    This week, a PI Girl asked about marriage and is concerned that it may become an idol in her life and wants to avoid this. The topic is basically about how to prepare yourself to date and court while having a balance. Many people end up idolizing or coveting marriage, and this PI Girl needs advice on navigating the single life as a Christian. This is a great subject because it can, in fact, become distracting in your walk with God and also can become a huge deal in many young people’s hearts.

    “There are books and books and articles out there helping girls prepare to date, prepare to be a wife, what to look for in a Godly husband and relationship, and what you should be, and with all of this information being almost as pervasive as the wrong kind of media, how can we not make an idol out of marriage and relationships? How are we expected to do all those things asked of us when we’re constantly bombarded with this stuff, then told to just bring it to God and the rest will fall into place? We are expected to wait on God, but sitting on our hands [and] waiting is not what we should do. [W]hat if we’re unclear about what our next step should be during our time of singleness? What if we feel like we hear radio silence from God?”

    Click here to read the full post.

    This is a great point and really the media for Christian singles can be as bombarding as secular media, so we need to talk about how to navigate preparing for marriage without falling into disappointment or comparison. We have to have a balance between seeking the Lord and praying for marriage while finding out what it looks like to prepare for a relationship and gaining wisdom from those whom we respect and admire.

    The Bible tells us if we seek God’s Kingdom and His righteousness first, all the things we need shall be added (Matthew 6:33). Everyone’s lives, callings and journeys are different, so we cannot compare our lives to our neighbor or friends, amen? We also can’t guarantee that when we delight in the Lord, our desires will remain the same, as God can change our desires for His desires (Psalm 37:4). We also do not know what God’s timing is for our lives, so we must wait on Him and His perfect plans for us.

    As believers, there is almost always a waiting period in life and there are promises we must stand on. Even when things don’t happen as we thought, we still must trust God. Yes, believing God’s Word is good enough. Seeking Him, serving Him and putting Him first is sufficient. You don’t need to take matters into your own hands unless you want to prepare yourself for being a better help meet. For example, if you want to better yourself by taking a singles class, working out and being healthy, learning how to cook, traveling, taking other classes and/or serving others, this can help prep you for marriage.


    As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. (Isaiah 55:9)


    Sometimes God doesn’t move the way we think because either we are not ready or He may be testing us (Isaiah 55:9). God is a sovereign God, but also is a loving Father. He will not give anything to us if it isn’t good. If something will distract us from the task at hand for our lives, or if there is character work to be done and/or is being tried in our hearts and lives, it may take longer than we want. Also, some people are called to a life of singleness, so by keeping Jesus as your rock and at the center of your life, you will create contentment and joy whether you are married or not. Whether married or single, as a follower and disciple of Jesus, the bride of Christ is married to the Lord. We are committed to serving Him and will continue to do so, even while married to our earthy husband, if that is God’s plan.


    “Turn, O backsliding children,” saith the LORD; “for I am married unto you: and I will take you one of a city, and two of a family, and I will bring you to Zion…” (Jeremiah 3:14)

    But godliness with contentment is great gain. (1 Timothy 6:6)


    We need to be at peace and content with the fact that even if we do everything right and lift up our lives to God, we may not get the results we want. What we CAN bank on is that God has good plans for our lives (Jeremiah 29:11) and He won’t give anything to us that would harm us.


    For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. (Psalm 84:11)


    If you hear “radio silence from God,” as this PI Girl mentioned, then, well…keep seeking Him. You will never harm your life, yourself, your walk or your future by feeding on God’s truth. Faith comes from hearing the Word of God and it quenches the fiery darts of the enemy (Romans 10:17).

    If you feel down and out about life or your circumstance, read the Bible and pray to the Lord, and His peace will comfort your heart and mind (Philippians 4:7).

    If you’re looking to prepare for marriage, look for this book by Debi Pearl called Preparing to Be a Help Meet. It’s a great workbook that will help you understand the different types of men out there and what types of women are compatible with them. Some are visionaries and dreamers, some are CEO prince types and some are priestly like kings. Each woman should prepare her heart and mind spiritually for her husband and must cover him in prayer. We must prepare our own hearts because marriage is, in fact, ministry and is about putting Christ first, in the center of the relationship, and is also about denying self and giving to the other person.

    Here’s a description of the book:

    “Preparing to Be a Help Meet contains six sweet love stories written by wives sharing their experiences about how God taught them to be the help meets they are today. Three of the stories are from wives that have been married over 40 years. Three stories are by new brides who, before marriage, were trained to be the help meet God intended. All the love stories are beautiful, and will show you how wonderful it is to walk together in God’s light.”

    In preparing for marriage, learn about yourself as well: what you want, if you want kids, your views on church and where you want to attend and/or be planted, if you want to homeschool or if you want to adopt, where you will want to live and so forth. These are some ideas about what you can ask yourself. Knowing what you want can help you in the future.


    [Source: Preparing to Be a Help Meet]


    PI Girls, what do YOU suggest we should do if we are waiting for our husband and if God is not giving us a clue about our future? Comment below! Message me for more questions or for prayer requests:

    Christi Given
    Christi Given
    Christi Given is a former Trinity Broadcasting Network host for the JUCE TV NETWORK, and has been featured on the Hillsong Channel. Her passion is to reach the youth with the Gospel and her music. Given has been writing for Project Inspired since 2011, and hopes to encourage the younger generation in their faith.


    1. In my opinion, romance is dangerous. It is too often looked at as the ultimate goal. I believe you won’t find a good relationship by searching for one. To keep marriage from being an idol, stop striving towards it. Recognize it as a possibility, nothing more. Learn to love yourself before learning to love a man.

    2. As soon as you mentioned Debi Pearl I stopped reading this and lost a lot of respect for this post. That book is unbelievably sexist and full of bad advice for girls. Please do not read it. Not just my opinion.

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