Girl to Girl Talk: I Like Him, But He Only Texts Me… Any Advice?
Written by Christi Given | December 2, 2015
This week, a PI Girl asked for advice pertaining to a guy she is dating and who is in a band she plays in. She likes the guy and they are currently boyfriend and girlfriend, but she is beginning to think he is not the one God has planned for her to be with. She also realizes he is facing some difficult things in life and doesn’t want to deal with a breakup, nor does she want to break his heart or make things worse. In some situations, a guy just texting a girl would seem as though he didn’t like the girl, since he isn’t calling, but apparently in this case, she isn’t as interested, either. This anonymous PI Girl doesn’t want to date out of pity, yet needs to confront how she is feeling. Here is the full post:
“So I am currently dating a guy I like a lot. He’s Christian like me, funny and in [the] band with me. However, we hardly have time to talk outside of texting, and when we do, our conversations are forced [and] boring. In addition, I don’t think he’s the one God has planned for my life. He’s the most kind and generous boy and he fits all my ‘boyfriend criteria’ but I can’t picture a life with him. I’m not sure what to do, if anything. It also makes it very difficult because his brother is dying [of] cancer. And while I don’t want to be that one person who dates out of pity, he really needs me, so I feel terrible even considering breaking up with him. Advice?”
Our society is so different nowadays in the dating/courting/relationship world. People would rather text than pick up the phone, and sometimes people play games or put up a front instead of telling others how they really feel. Personally, I would recommend for this PI Girl to just simply pick up the phone and tell him that she would rather be friends. I know it isn’t easy, but honesty really is the best policy. She can only go on for so long before the relationship eventually ends. Of course she can be there for him as a friend if she feels called and led to do so, but not out of obligation. It sounds like their conversations aren’t too exciting and/or she doesn’t seem very interested in even a friendship. Overall, it seems like they do communicate on some level and they do see each other at band practice, so they need to handle this cordially.
I would also recommend for her to pray about the situation and to ask God to give her the words to say. Seek God’s Word, and ask for advice from a youth mentor or parent. These situations are not easy, but you have to be honest and up front. You can’t hide behind your fears and worrying about other circumstances surrounding the relationship. Of course it’s kind of her to consider his unfortunate situation with his brother, but she can also pray for him to have strength and peace and can still befriend him.
What if the Guy I Like Only Texts Me?
If you like a guy who only messages you, then I would say you probably should move on, or communicate that you prefer speaking over the phone, because texting only goes so far. The extent of a friendship or relationship based on a chat room, instant messages (IMs) or texting is really shallow. You should be able to communicate via telephone, and of course really face to face. If you just text one another, it’s an immediate form of gratification or short-term fulfillment of a need or gratification in some aspects that doesn’t require much effort.
To me, if a person only text-messages you, it’s pretty much summed up as laziness. Remember, especially in the dating or courting realm of relationships, a guy’s best efforts typically are in the beginning. If he starts the relationship off on the wrong foot, it is inviting poor behavior and a lack of respect. You deserve more than a quick five-second text; you deserve a decent phone call at least, especially if the person seeks to take you out (common sense!). Oh, and let’s not get started on dating apps. I wouldn’t know much about dating apps because I have never had one, but dating websites and apps are becoming more popular. (Nothing against them, but they should be used with caution for some.)
What did we learn today from this PI Girl’s question? First, be honest and be real. Don’t guilt-trip yourself to stay in a relationship. Next, texting is okay on some terms, especially if you are unable to speak over the phone, but a constant source of communication like that invites laziness for those you care about. Pick up the phone and call someone, or simply don’t reply until the person wakes up and realizes they need to call you. Have self-respect and respect others, especially their time and feelings, and love them as Jesus would have us love those we care about.
PI Girls, do you like someone who only texts you? Are you doing anything to change this or do you not mind solely texting?