Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions. Contact me @ChristiGiven.
This month, I wanted to share with you this question from a PI Girl who asked about future qualities in a husband, and it reminded me of a woman of God, Janette McGhee, who spoke about this subject through poetry/spoken word on YouTube, which went viral. She rhymed about how she dated lukewarm Christians and how her heart would break and how she desired to no longer date “carbon copies,” but the real thing who would look and talk like Jesus and be a genuine follower of the Lord. The video was filmed at the P4CM (Passion for Christ Movement) Lyricist Lounge, and it is so powerful because recently she was on JUCE TV and she brought her soon-to-be-husband with her! Janette met her future husband and is engaged to be married. In a couple of weeks they are having their wedding and they even now have a ministry! The couple has a new web series called The Wait Is Over. Hallelujah! What a testimony! (Watch the video below.)
[Image: Janette McGhee and Christi Given on set at JUCE TV’s TOP 3 Show, September 2014]
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Here is the PI Girl’s question:
“Hey ladies! Do you ever think about your future husband? Even if not quite there, do you have some certain qualities you want and need in a guy? Some like to write lists of the qualities before they enter a relationship so as to maintain high standards and to keep it God-centered. I personally think it’s really important to, because of said reasons, but also so one doesn’t just date or wed for the physical side of it or such. I’m curious what some of your qualities that you want and need in a future husband are!”
This is a great idea to be praying and thinking about the qualities you admire or desire, but it is important to not idolize or be consumed with the idea of a husband or mate. We need to remember God has us in the palm of His hands and He desires the BEST for our future (Ecclesiastes 3/Jeremiah 29:11). God wants us to put HIM first and delight ourselves in Him, being concerned FIRST with the Kingdom of God (Matthew 6:33) and our priorities, and the rest will follow. It is okay to pray and to desire a mate—it is human nature—but we need to remember God has our best interests at heart too! Just like Janette listed qualities of different men of God in the Bible, we can do this too, as long as our focus isn’t on the desire of wanting a mate more than God, if that makes sense.
PI Girls, I see a lot of posts about boys, crushes, dating, courtship and more. Remember, God is not the author of confusion (1 Corinthians 14:33). If you are confused or overanalyzing, then the relationship is probably not of God. Not to say every relationship is perfect. Of course, NO ONE is perfect, but for the larger percentage of pros/cons, it should be more positive than negative. Also, the man who courts or dates you should lead you CLOSER to God, not further. If a man is saying he is a “believer” (which, by the way, the demons believe and they shudder (James 2:19), so be careful…saying you believe something doesn’t mean anything until a man of God can PROVE he is worthy of courting you), but if he is acting unloving or disrespectful, you may want to consider the relationship. If the relationship hurts now (not in a godly, loving, healthy, growing way, but a negative way), it will most likely not get better if there is no peace now.
I totally admire Janette because she took a stand for no longer dating guys with a “form of godliness, but not enough,” and even those with the first name “LUKE” and the last name “WARM” (as quoted from Janette’s spoken-word piece, “I Will Wait for You”). These are obviously a play on words as she expresses the characteristics of the heartbreakers she dated prior to conserving herself, waiting for “The One.”
Janette (aka “MissTerious Janette…ikz,” pronounced “Mysterious Genetics”) is a true woman of God in that she too desired the things of God and resembles a Proverbs 31 woman. (Read Proverbs 31.) When we are walking with the Lord, we desire RIGHT-eousness. We have “right” or correct thinking when it is aligned with the truth in the Word of God. Granted, it takes boldness and causes us to be separate from the crowd, but look at how this amazing young woman of God has set a beautiful standard for young girls to attain and look to; it is very rare in our day and age. I am so encouraged by her testimony and had the honor and privilege of meeting lovely Janette on the set of TBN’s youth channel show, “TOP 3,” for JUCE TV (set to air in October 2014). Below is a photo from the JUCE TV set:
Godly men are out there, but it is true they can be hard to find. But it’s okay because it’s possible for God to pair you with a godly man who will honor you. Janette is engaged to be married to her husband. Take a look at the video that Janette posted, which was viewed over two and a half million times! Also, Janette was featured in an article on The Christian Post—click here to read it!
Here are the lyrics to the spoken-word piece by Janette McGhee. (All rights reserved.)
So it seemed,
that it was cool,
for everyone to be in a relationship but me.
So I took matters into my own hands
and…ended up with him.
Him, who displayed the characteristics of a
cheater, a liar, an abuser and a thief.
So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
I called 911, but I was cardiac-arrested for
aiding and abetting,
’cause it was me who let him in,
claiming we were “just friends.”
It was already decided for me by the first date that
even if he wasn’t,
I was gonna make him “The One.”
You know…I was tired of being alone,
and I simply made up in my mind,
that it was about that time
so I decided to drag him along for the ride,
’cause I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride.
A virgin in the physical,
but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat,
who was tired of the wait,
so I was gonna make him “The One.”
he had a…form of godliness,
but not much.
But, but, hey, hey, I can change him,
so I’ll take him, I mean he’s close…
Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter,
not knowing the value of its use to me.
Arteries so clogged with my will,
it blocked His will from flowing through me.
So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,
that flatlined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back.
Through my ignorance, He saw,
so through my sternum He sawed and cracked open my chest
to transplant Psalms 51:10,
a new heart
and a renewed right spirit within.
So now, I fully understand,
better yet, I thoroughly comprehend,
how much I need to wait
the bad thing is
that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning.
’cause in the beginning was the Word
and he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,
and all he could whisper was
which meant nothing!
he couldn’t even have prayed when I needed him to,
asking him to fast would be absurd,
so, forget about being cleansed and washed with water through the Word.
But I know you,
you are already praying for me.
Even never having met me,
let me assure you,
I will wait
I will no longer date,
socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you
to appease my boredom
or to quench my thirsty desire I have for attention and short-lived compliments from “sorta kindas.”
You know, he’s “sorta kinda” right, but “sorta kinda” wrong?
His first name: Luke,
his last name: Warm.
I won’t settle for false companionship.
I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,
attempting to find some closeness,
but never feeling so far, far apart
’cause, I just wanna be held.
‘Cause all I gotta do is say,
No more “almost sessions” of
“almost coming close”
passing winks and buying drinks,
and I’m a,
I’m a flirt!
Who flirts with the ideology of
“Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?”
I’ll stay in my bed,
and write poems,
about how I will wait for You.
he won’t even come close,
our fingers won’t even interlock,
we won’t even exchange breath,
’cause I have thoughts that I’ve “saved as” in a file that God has only equipped you to open.
I will no longer get weighted down,
from so-called friends and family talks,
about the concern for my biological clock
when I serve the Author of Time.
Who is not subject to time,
but I’m subject to Him.
He has the ability to stop, fast-forward, pause, or rewind at any given time.
if we could role-play,
you would be Abraham and I would be Sara,
or you can be Isaac and I can be Rebecca—a servant’s answered prayer.
bone of your bone,
flesh of your flesh,
made up of your rib, Adam.
And once we meet,
like electrons, I will be bound to your nucleus,
We even speak the same math:
1 + 1 + 1 = 3,
which really equals 1 if you add Him.
We were all created in His image,
but you have the ability to reflect, project and even detect
If I were to explain what you look like,
you would have to look like a star–
a sun of the Son.
I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me.
I would need you in order to complete my photosynthesis.
I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis,
I will wait for you.
And I will know you
because when you speak,
I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,
your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,
your faith will remind me of Abraham,
your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,
your inspiration will remind me of Paul,
your heart for God will remind me of David,
your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,
your integrity will remind me of Joseph,
and your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,
but your ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews
or any special marks,
’cause His Word will be tatted all over your heart.
And you will know me,
and you will find me,
the boldness of Esther
meets the warm closeness of Ruth,
where the hospitality of Lydia
is aligned with the submission of Mary,
which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hanna.
I will be the one,
drenched in Proverbs 31,
waiting for you.
But to my Father,
my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth,
only if You should see fit.
I desire Your will above mine.
So even if you call me to a life of singleness,
my heart is content with You—the One who was sent.
You are the greatest love story ever told,
the greatest love ever known.
You are forever my judge and I’m forever Your witness,
and I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business.
I will always be Yours,
and I will always wait for You, Lord.
More than the watchmen wait for the morning,
more than the watchmen wait for the morning,
I will wait.
PI Girls, did you LOVE this video? Comment below and let me know what you think and what qualities YOU look for in a potential mate. Email me or message me if you have any questions at facebook.com/ChristiGiven. Leave a prayer request below as well, so I can be praying for you! God bless you, PI Girls!