Project Inspired started a group specifically for the Girl Talk questions, which typically come from the Girl Talk chat wall on Facebook. Click here to safely join our chat group.
This week, a girl on our chat forum on Facebook asked if it’s okay to be good friends with a guy who has a girlfriend. The girl said she liked him two years ago and then found out he had a girlfriend and the crush was over, but she is still attracted to him. She claims she would never want him as her boyfriend ever, but is it appropriate to talk to him every day and have a close relationship with him?
This is a very good question and interesting subject. Each relationship varies depending on the people involved, and it would need to be the decision of the boyfriend and girlfriend to set proper boundaries. Personally, I think having friends of the opposite sex is fine as long as you are communicating with a pure motive. There were probably 20 comments on the board about this, and the predominant voice of advice was that you can have a platonic relationship with the guy as long as you aren’t trying to break up him with his girlfriend or trying to flirt.
It’s important to be respectful of people’s relationships and think how you would feel if you were the girlfriend and someone was messaging your significant other a couple times a week. In a marriage, I would say it’s not appropriate to communicate or spend time alone with the opposite sex. Pastor Billy Graham has a great track record of this by always being present with another person in room when having a meeting with the opposite sex.
There are some couples who enjoy double dating or doing group dates. I think it’s fair to say that each person is able to make that decision on their own. I would pray about the situation, and maybe if you want to really be respectful of the situation, ask the person what is best for them.
There’s a great book series on dating called Boundaries that I would recommend for you to read if you’re curious what is appropriate for relationships. Click here to order your copy.
In addition, I would say to ask your youth pastor or a strong believer in your family, if you have one.
The fact that this PI Girl is asking this question gives me the sign that she knows it’s not fully right or appropriate, so I would back off from communicating with him all the time and maybe get closer to a female friend.
Abstain from all appearance of evil. (1 Thessalonians 5:22)
In regard to healthy friendships with men, make sure you hang out in groups so you avoid temptation, and if your guy friend has a girlfriend, make sure to not hang out with him one-on-one to avoid any kind of issues or conflicts. The Bible says to avoid the “appearance” of evil. If you truly want to honor Christ, I would say love your neighbor as yourself and connect with people in a Bible study, community group or activities like bowling or fun gatherings.
[Resources: Boundaries in Dating: How Healthy Choices Grow Healthy Relationships by Henry Cloud and John Townsend; Boundaries In Marriage: Understanding the Choices That Make or Break Loving Relationships by Henry Cloud and John Townsend]
PI Girls, what are your thoughts on this subject? Comment below!