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Love

Girl to Girl Talk: Is Kissing Sinful?

Couple-Engaged-Kiss-Purity

Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions.

Recently, a PI Girl asked about kissing and if she should, or what the Bible says about it.

Join our Girl Talk forum and comment on our chat wall by clicking here.

 

“How long do you girls think you should wait to have your first kiss? And [are] there any girls waiting for your wedding day to have your first kiss? Do any of you know what the Bible says about kissing?” Read the full post here.

This is a great question and I am glad this PI Girl asked about this. It is interesting because there is not a specific scripture that I am aware of that states you are not allowed to kiss before marriage, but there are plenty of Bible verses that discuss guarding your heart and purity (Proverbs 4:23).

 

Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you: do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time. (Song of Solomon 8:4)

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Hebrews 13:4)

 

Life is all about wisdom and knowing God’s Word and truth. We need to refer to the scriptures when we’re unsure about something. Each person, though, does have their own walk, and some people are called to some things, such as not kissing until their wedding or possibly not being married at all. Each person, as the Word says, needs to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).

For some couples, they are called to not kiss before their wedding date as a testimony for others or it is just a personal preference, like Christian singer Moriah Peters, for example. For others, it may be that they don’t want to be emotionally attached and want to guard their heart, just like the Word of God says. I agree that it is wise, especially if you are not exclusive with a guy, to not kiss him, because sometimes you can end up feeling heartbroken if the relationship does not last. God honors those who honor Him, and if you are being selective about who you date and/or are kissing, God is going to see that you are desiring to glorify Him.

 

But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:9)

 

One reason some people refrain from kissing, aside from the fact that the relationship or dating period with a specific person may not last and that it could lead to heartbreak, is that kissing can lead to other temptations or can push the boundary lines in purity. You may want to also examine your heart to see if you are kissing out of love or lust, because God tells us that lust is sinful, whereas love with someone who God joined you with wouldn’t be. The condition of the heart and its state of purity or contamination is typically what God sees and can weigh. Man can fool others, but you cannot fool God. God knows what is in man’s heart, for He created it and can see the thoughts, motives and intents of the heart (John 2:24).

 

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality… (1 Thessalonians 4:3)

 

Also, look at the situation and see if the guy you are dating respects your purity and relationship with Jesus, or if he pressures you and is willing to compromise. You cannot blame kissing on one person, for it takes two to tango, but overall you should be able to evaluate how close this person is to God and if they walk the walk or if they just talk the talk. A godly man who genuinely respects you isn’t going to pressure you to make out with him. If a guy pressures you or puts you in an uncomfortable situation, flee the situation and pray. You can express to him that you felt he was inappropriate and you don’t feel your purity was compromised. No guy deserves to be with you if he cannot respect you and if he tries to come between you and your relationship with God. Not everyone agrees that kissing will lead to lust or sin, but it varies per couple and situation. Ask God and He shall give you clarity about it. This topic is just food for thought and a good conversation to have.

 

For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4:7-8)

 

Pray for wisdom regarding this because it is hard to find a guy who will respect holiness and purity and will be willing to wait. The ones who are willing to wait to kiss you and to make love on your wedding day are the rare gems you can wait on God for. Don’t be discouraged and do not compare yourself to modern-day culture. The world tells you the opposite of what God’s Word says.

 

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8)

 

Remember, purity isn’t just what we do, but what we think and what is in our hearts. God is so HOLY (1 Peter 1:16) that a virgin whom someone looks at with lust in their heart or visualizes themselves being intimate with someone else has already committed the adultery in their heart, and is just as unholy as the adulterer (Matthew 5:27-28). God is Holy.

 

Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD? And who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood and has not sworn deceitfully. (Psalms 24:3-4)

 

We need to not only just guard our hearts and minds and protect our purity (even though no one is perfect). We need to make a conscious effort to be mindful of what we watch, what we read, and what we speak or listen to music-wise. What are you filling your mind with? If you are reading or singing sexual content, it may haunt you later, so use wisdom. What you feed grows.

Remember that if you are a believer in Jesus and have the Holy Spirit, you are carrying the Spirit of the Lord in you and you are a temple for God’s use (1 Corinthians 6:19). Let us revere the Lord and live accordingly. God will help you if you ask Him to protect and to guard you. It is not easy in our culture or society today, but we can walk in wholeness and purity if we are selective in what we feed our minds and who we hang out with.

 

Flee from sexual immorality (1 Cor. 6:18)

 

Overall, pray about what God wants you to do. If you have had a bad experience with kissing and feel it opened a door for temptation or your heart was broken, then maybe refrain and just be friends. Another option is to wait to kiss until you are married, but again, the choice is up to you. Don’t fall into the trap of peer pressure that you have to fit in with everyone else. Quality guys will respect your decision, and if they don’t, then you wouldn’t want to be dating them anyway, amen? In fact, by not kissing the guy, it may help weed out the ones who possibly have an ulterior motive and could just want to hook up with girls. Be watchful and pray because the enemy can use emotions to distract us and get us off course in our faith walk. (Read more: 1 Corinthians 6:15-20, Psalm 51:10, 1 Thessalonians 4:3.)

I want to mention also that if you have fallen into sexual sin before then there is forgiveness and repentence. God is love and He wants the best for His children. God’s Word is to protect and bless like a Father, not to restrict us with rules and no fun in life. Kissing isn’t labeled as a sin and I don’t want to project that for all couples but just remember to seek God for yourself, and to guard your heart because everything flows out of it in life.

I am praying for you, PI Girls! God is with you! Comment below for prayer requests or other pieces of advice! 

If you have any other questions, message me:
Twitter: @ChristiGiven
Facebook: Facebook.com/ChristiGiven
Instagram: @ChristiGiven

Image: Lightstock | Geoff Duncan

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31 Comments

  1. TheSecondEve

    Posted by TheSecondEve on May 10, 2016 at 07:14

    I’m actually considering saving my first kiss until marriage or at least until a long time, now. I’ve never even thought of it before, because kissing always seemed to natural (everyone does it).
    I still haven’t had my first kiss, nor my first actual boyfriend. Some boys at my school have liked me before, but they said it “couldn’t work out” just because I promise to be a virgin until I’m married (or even a bit longer than that.. I’m sort of shy even with loved ones).
    So, obviously I know that putting what God wants before what I/a boy wants is the right thing to do. But, I still find it a struggle to find such nice boys that will agree to not be kissed! I guess I will have to wait until I am out of high school, since the majority of my school is made up of atheists (and even a large amount of satanists).
    Oh, and in case you are wondering, the boys I was talking about who didn’t want to be with me because I’m going to be a virgin until marriage are actually Christians, too..
    I don’t understand them but oh well!

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by Simplyagirloffaith on December 25, 2015 at 17:40

    I’m not trying to be rude in anyway but Atheist, why are you on this site if you’re not of the Christian faith or aren’t trying too become a aChristian (if you are that’s really cool) because it’s a little insulting how you said saving it is stupid. When really it’s not because it’s way more intimate and the person that’s giving it to you really loves and cares about you and will never leave you.

    • KitKat1

      Posted by KitKat1 on September 29, 2016 at 03:04

      Atheist has a right to be here if she wants. I appreciate that she is open-minded to check out Project Inspired and we should be open-minded enough to welcome her.

  3. Atheist

    Posted by Atheist on October 31, 2015 at 19:50

    OK call me biased but I believe saving your first kiss for a wedding is kinda stupid.
    A kiss is a natural and instinctive way of showing your love for someone. Kissing =/= sex.
    I’m an atheist but I respect Christians and their faith. I just want Christian girls to know that Kissing isn’t something they should view as sinful or bad.
    But Here’s some Do’s and Don’ts because every girl needs them (and I’ve been reasonable)
    DO;

    – wait. Don’t go for it on the first date. Wait until you’re ready. Maybe after a month or so, or even a few weeks – you’ll both know. Even then, it doesn’t have to be some big tongue twister or a huge slobbery snog. It could maybe even be a peck on the Cheek or lips.

    – be private. I don’t mean in a closet during 7 minute heaven by this!! I mean by yourselves, somewhere quiet; maybe at the park in the trees or by the lake in the evening, or in one if your rooms, or even just somewhere out if the way.

    – know your limits. Try a snog if you want to, just keep with closed mouths if you want to. If he doesn’t want to, don’t. And vice versa – don’t just do what he wants. It’s OK to say no.

    Don’t:

    – wait too long. Six months in and you haven’t kissed is a bit excessive. Don’t worry and just GI for it as soon as you’re ready!

    – snog straight away. No French kisses on the first day. Keep it an American kiss XD

    – get worried! It’s your life and I’m sure god (if you believe, which I don’t) won’t mind if you guys genuinely like eachother.

    Dating is fun, but keep in mind, it’s good to stay a bit serious. Don’t expect to marry your first love, but don’t just go out for two days and call it off. And if you’re waiting for the right guy/girl, keep waiting! It’s worth it – I waited a year before mine decided to go out with me, and its a year later and we’re still together! He’s genuinely amazing. So girls – basically, just b yourself! You’ll know what to do 💓

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Cherotuga on December 14, 2015 at 05:16

      I dont agree. The whole point of the you may kiss the bride part in a wedding is that you have never kissed before so its your first kiss

      • KitKat1

        Posted by KitKat1 on September 29, 2016 at 03:02

        That maybe so for some people but I’ve kissed my beloved many times. You can call that sinful but I hope when we get married we will kiss a million times more.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by im_bubbly3345 on November 3, 2015 at 17:16

      You made some good points, but I do want to add, my boyfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and haven’t kissed, and I don’t think that’s excessive at all. We aren’t rushing anything. There’s nothing wrong with kissing, but I don’t think it’s right to focus on physical things while dating, because really, the whole point of dating is to get to know the other person and find a potential spouse other future. Some couples, such as my boyfriend and I, just choose not to be super physical is all. I think waiting for when we first kiss will be special and we will be excited for it and anticipating when it happens because we’ve waited longer than most people, and honestly, I think it feels great to wait. I love explaining to people why we wait, so don’t worry, I’m not judging what you said at all, those are your personal beliefs, and I respect them, but I did disagree with what you said about 6 months being excessive, that’s all.

  4. Itsdoriee

    Posted by Itsdoriee on August 29, 2015 at 23:43

    SO important to maintain sexual purity as well as mind purity. There are people who say that just because they haven’t physically had sexual interaction means that they are pure. Purity is purity of the heart, and the mind. We have the ability to be free from our temptations by setting limits on ourselves such as waiting for our first kiss, or whatever physical limit you place on your significant other. The right guy will respect you. I waiting 18 years for my first kiss and i don’t regret it, we were each others first kisses. Despite the fact that i didn’t wait until my wedding day, i encourage a girl to wait as long as she can for her first kiss. And it is very much worth it 🙂

  5. May All Your Bacon Burn

    Posted by May All Your Bacon Burn on August 29, 2015 at 15:32

    I think you should save the kiss, if not for your wedding then for a significant moment. I see these silly quizzes that say “do you kiss a guy on the first or third date?” or something incredibly similar, and I just wonder what that has to do with anything. A kiss is an expression of love, not a formality of any sort. Technically I’ve had my first kiss–but as a 4 year old who didn’t quite understand its significance, so I don’t think that entirely counts, and therefore continue forth with not having a first kiss. I’ve had people tell me to “just get it over with already”. I’ve even had guys straight up say “I can be your first kiss if you want”, not because they were in any ways interested in me as a person but because they felt they were doing me a “favor” of helping me get it over with. The significance of a kiss has been lost in a world of media and sin, to where (much like virginity is quickly becoming) people justify simply throwing it away because that’s what everyone else does.

    I figure whenever I get into that sort of situation, I’ll put it as this “do I love this person as much, if not more, than my great grandmother?” since aside from my younger siblings and cousins she’s the only person I kiss nowadays. If it takes marrying them to get to that point, then so be it.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by jac on July 3, 2016 at 22:27

      My first kiss didn’t mean anything, and that’s ok. I did not end up in a real relationship with the guy and that is for the best.
      I suppose I was curious, being 26 and never had a boyfriend. I do not feel bad about it, that it was wasted, that when I do meet the right guy it will be spoiled, or anything of the sort.
      I was not hurt by this guy or this kiss, I was hurt by someone else, with whom I never shared so much as a peck on the lips.
      Physical boundaries DO NOT guard your heart!
      If you want to save your first kiss for your wedding that is beautiful and admirable, but remember that waiting for your first kiss does not automatically mean the same thing as guarding your heart. Putting God first in your life is a lot more than just the physical feelings.

      Another important thing to remember is that I was 26. Old enough to be well aware of what I was looking for in a guy, confident in myself to say no to anything more and move on. Had I been younger I likely would have romanticised the experience and ended up in a bad relationship because of a physical attraction. .

  6. Thubabe

    Posted by Thubabe on August 29, 2015 at 06:49

    🙂

  7. Emmy Jo

    Posted by Emmy Jo on August 19, 2015 at 23:50

    Hey all!
    Just wondering, what do you guys think of kissing if it is solely for a play or musical?

    • Freak4Jesus14

      Posted by Freak4Jesus14 on August 29, 2015 at 14:00

      I think it’s totally okay in that sense. The kiss is strictly an act, and not a real life sexual relation between two people. If the scene in the play is pushing the lines, for instance, if you wouldn’t want your little brother watching it, then you might consider not doing that play/scene whatever. If it’s something like Lisle in the Sound of Music were they innocently kiss then I think it’s fine (: Another thing is if you have feelings for your acting counterpart. That probably doesn’t happen often, but if that is the case than I would rethink it haha 😉

  8. Project Inspired

    Posted by maddijs on August 15, 2015 at 10:37

    Here are my 2 cents:
    David Platt referenced this verse when talking about purity, and I think it sums up things pretty well: “Treat younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” – 2 Timothy 5:1-2.
    Would I kiss my brother? Absolutely not. My friend recently told me about some men we know and respect who are in the late 20s and 30s who said they regret kissing while dating. So don’t neglect to think about the guy too.

  9. SavedbyGrace14

    Posted by SavedbyGrace14 on July 17, 2015 at 15:02

    As a Christian I have decided to have my first kiss on my wedding day. Not just for spiritual or conviction reasons but also because personally I feel it’s so much more romantic and special. You wouldn’t believe the things people have said when I tell them that. Even my sister, who is my closest friend, had some hurtful things to say. In the end though she apologized and we made up. I have had other friends say some mean things and not apologize. But I know that’s just something im going to have to deal with.

    • emmaduke25

      Posted by emmaduke25 on July 22, 2015 at 20:09

      That’s awesome that you made that decision and have stood up for it!!

  10. bandgirl

    Posted by bandgirl on July 8, 2015 at 21:28

    This is a great article. It does show the important fact that this issue is one that we are all different on. For me personally, my biggest struggle as a Christian is with lust. It’s always on my mind and it tempts me every day literally from the time I wake up to the time I fall asleep. I keep praying for deliverance from it, but keep slipping into old habits. Though I have not lost my virginity, I have definitely pushed it waaay too far before. I say this because before I got my first kiss that was all I thought about and the temptation kept getting further and further as I crossed boundaries until losing my virginity is the only thing I haven’t done. To the girls waiting for their wedding day, I applaud you. I wish I would have done the same. My past is behind me now, but I’ve given serious consideration to not kissing a guy ever again until my wedding day in order to keep from losing my virginity, because those who struggle with lust like I do understand how fast a kiss can turn into things much bigger.

  11. SarahLouise

    Posted by SarahLouise on May 29, 2015 at 05:44

    Loved this! a good reminder of the importance of purity.

  12. crazy4christ

    Posted by crazy4christ on May 17, 2015 at 06:39

    I am 17 and haven’t had my first kiss yet, sure it sometimes make me feel lonely because many others did it already, but I agree listen to God and you know yourself, I don’t think it is a sin, but whether or not you take it too far. I feel a kiss is special and you cant just kiss any guy.

  13. dalmatiangirl12

    Posted by dalmatiangirl12 on April 29, 2015 at 19:16

    I really needed this reminder to stay pure and fight against temptation, in my mind and heart. Thank you project inspired for showing me the concrete, God given reasons and evidence why this is important and why I should continue to fight against this sin, and not give in to it. <3

  14. Amarah

    Posted by Amarah on April 29, 2015 at 13:37

    I am thinking of saving my first kiss for my wedding day. That is what my sister is planning on doing; shes 18, has been dating a good guy for over a year and hasn’t kissed him. However, when I tell my friends about my sister or my thoughts on this issue, most of them respond with discouraging comments or dis-belief. It can be hard to stand up for what you believe in and are called to do, and persevere in Gods plan for your live. But no one ever said it would be easy!

  15. sunnydeelovely

    Posted by sunnydeelovely on April 28, 2015 at 16:20

    I love this! I know for sure that I want to save sex for marriage, and I’ve thought recently that I may want to save kissing for marriage as well. Growing up in a public school, I had only ever seen casual dating, and I thought that that was what I was meant to do. Luckily God didn’t have me date then because I wasn’t looking for a Godly relationship. Now, I’m really liking the sound of courting. You get to know someone and fall in love with who they really are, not with how good they kiss. (Shoutout to the Duggars and Robertsons who have really made me see that courting and Godly relationships do still exist in our generation) 🙂

    • Atheist

      Posted by Atheist on October 31, 2015 at 19:53

      Oh. The duggars? I’m sure Josh Duggar is a brilliant example! Seriously? He’s a sexual predator! They’re all part of the Quiverfull! (Its a really weird and orthifoz Christian Church). Don’t look up to them. Ever.

  16. asreim

    Posted by asreim on April 28, 2015 at 15:39

    I have not given my first kiss away yet either. I don’t regret it. I always had a motto: There is only two ways to end a dating relationship, get married or break up. If neither sounds appealing, don’t date! So I waited with dating until I felt like I could see myself getting married. Plus we agreed to save our first kiss until we get engaged and then have a very short engagement. That could happen soon! I believe it’s up to everyone themselves if they want to save their first kiss until marriage or not. I would encourage everyone to save it at least until they could see themselves marrying the person they decide to give it to. Giving kisses away to random guys at romantic moments is not guarding your heart.

  17. Smylinggirl

    Posted by Smylinggirl on April 28, 2015 at 11:59

    I really like this post. I am not going to kiss my future spouse until our wedding day and I’m not dating until I am ready to get married. I agree that kissing can be further attachment and could help cause heartbreak. Plus, if you save your first kiss, it is so precious to your husband that you saved it for him. But, I know a lot of Christian couples who kissed before they were married, so it is different for everyone.

  18. GraceGirl1379

    Posted by GraceGirl1379 on April 28, 2015 at 07:10

    My problem is that there seems to be almost this feeling that if we, as Christian girls, don’t save our first kiss, we aren’t as “good” as the girls/women who do. I understand the reasoning behind saving it, and I personally wouldn’t give away my first kiss easily, but the thing is, many women don’t save their first kiss for marriage.
    AND THAT’S OKAY.
    Maybe you want to. Maybe you feel like you want your first kiss sooner than that. My only advice would be, 1) Don’t feel guilty if you aren’t planning on saving your first kiss! 2) Don’t give away kisses like candy. They should mean something. Don’t blindly kiss someone just because you like them at the time.

    • Atheist

      Posted by Atheist on October 31, 2015 at 19:56

      100% agree. Christian girls (I’m not one but anyway) shouldn’t have to be ashamed of being in love, and your other point is good too. 👏

    • AudgPaudg

      Posted by AudgPaudg on June 23, 2015 at 06:47

      Thank you for the encouraging comment. I totally feel the same way. Scrolling through comments about saving kissing for marriage is kinda like “Oh…” When someone’s already kissed me. I agree, don’t give ’em away like candy.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by JesusFreak3278 on April 29, 2015 at 15:14

      I totally agree! At first I decided to save my kiss until marriage because I feel that I could be easily tempted sexually and I wanted to avoid that, but now I kind of feel like I made that decision because I didn’t trust myself, not because I really wanted to. So I’ve decided that if I find a really special guy that had the same Christian values and boundaries as me and respects me, then it is fine to kiss before marriage. I think that some people think that if you don’t save your first kiss, you aren’t as “good” or “pure” as those who do. That’s a bunch of baloney! Pray about it and make your decision based on what YOU feel is right for you – not what others do. 🙂