Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions.
Recently, a PI Girl asked about kissing and if she should, or what the Bible says about it.
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“How long do you girls think you should wait to have your first kiss? And [are] there any girls waiting for your wedding day to have your first kiss? Do any of you know what the Bible says about kissing?” Read the full post here.
This is a great question and I am glad this PI Girl asked about this. It is interesting because there is not a specific scripture that I am aware of that states you are not allowed to kiss before marriage, but there are plenty of Bible verses that discuss guarding your heart and purity (Proverbs 4:23).
Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you: do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time. (Song of Solomon 8:4)
Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Hebrews 13:4)
Life is all about wisdom and knowing God’s Word and truth. We need to refer to the scriptures when we’re unsure about something. Each person, though, does have their own walk, and some people are called to some things, such as not kissing until their wedding or possibly not being married at all. Each person, as the Word says, needs to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling (Philippians 2:12).
For some couples, they are called to not kiss before their wedding date as a testimony for others or it is just a personal preference, like Christian singer Moriah Peters, for example. For others, it may be that they don’t want to be emotionally attached and want to guard their heart, just like the Word of God says. I agree that it is wise, especially if you are not exclusive with a guy, to not kiss him, because sometimes you can end up feeling heartbroken if the relationship does not last. God honors those who honor Him, and if you are being selective about who you date and/or are kissing, God is going to see that you are desiring to glorify Him.
But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:9)
One reason some people refrain from kissing, aside from the fact that the relationship or dating period with a specific person may not last and that it could lead to heartbreak, is that kissing can lead to other temptations or can push the boundary lines in purity. You may want to also examine your heart to see if you are kissing out of love or lust, because God tells us that lust is sinful, whereas love with someone who God joined you with wouldn’t be. The condition of the heart and its state of purity or contamination is typically what God sees and can weigh. Man can fool others, but you cannot fool God. God knows what is in man’s heart, for He created it and can see the thoughts, motives and intents of the heart (John 2:24).
It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality… (1 Thessalonians 4:3)
Also, look at the situation and see if the guy you are dating respects your purity and relationship with Jesus, or if he pressures you and is willing to compromise. You cannot blame kissing on one person, for it takes two to tango, but overall you should be able to evaluate how close this person is to God and if they walk the walk or if they just talk the talk. A godly man who genuinely respects you isn’t going to pressure you to make out with him. If a guy pressures you or puts you in an uncomfortable situation, flee the situation and pray. You can express to him that you felt he was inappropriate and you don’t feel your purity was compromised. No guy deserves to be with you if he cannot respect you and if he tries to come between you and your relationship with God. Not everyone agrees that kissing will lead to lust or sin, but it varies per couple and situation. Ask God and He shall give you clarity about it. This topic is just food for thought and a good conversation to have.
For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, anyone who rejects this instruction does not reject a human being but God, the very God who gives you his Holy Spirit. (1 Thessalonians 4:7-8)
Pray for wisdom regarding this because it is hard to find a guy who will respect holiness and purity and will be willing to wait. The ones who are willing to wait to kiss you and to make love on your wedding day are the rare gems you can wait on God for. Don’t be discouraged and do not compare yourself to modern-day culture. The world tells you the opposite of what God’s Word says.
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. (Matthew 5:8)
Remember, purity isn’t just what we do, but what we think and what is in our hearts. God is so HOLY (1 Peter 1:16) that a virgin whom someone looks at with lust in their heart or visualizes themselves being intimate with someone else has already committed the adultery in their heart, and is just as unholy as the adulterer (Matthew 5:27-28). God is Holy.
Who may ascend into the hill of the LORD? And who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart, who has not lifted up his soul to falsehood and has not sworn deceitfully. (Psalms 24:3-4)
We need to not only just guard our hearts and minds and protect our purity (even though no one is perfect). We need to make a conscious effort to be mindful of what we watch, what we read, and what we speak or listen to music-wise. What are you filling your mind with? If you are reading or singing sexual content, it may haunt you later, so use wisdom. What you feed grows.
Remember that if you are a believer in Jesus and have the Holy Spirit, you are carrying the Spirit of the Lord in you and you are a temple for God’s use (1 Corinthians 6:19). Let us revere the Lord and live accordingly. God will help you if you ask Him to protect and to guard you. It is not easy in our culture or society today, but we can walk in wholeness and purity if we are selective in what we feed our minds and who we hang out with.
Flee from sexual immorality (1 Cor. 6:18)
Overall, pray about what God wants you to do. If you have had a bad experience with kissing and feel it opened a door for temptation or your heart was broken, then maybe refrain and just be friends. Another option is to wait to kiss until you are married, but again, the choice is up to you. Don’t fall into the trap of peer pressure that you have to fit in with everyone else. Quality guys will respect your decision, and if they don’t, then you wouldn’t want to be dating them anyway, amen? In fact, by not kissing the guy, it may help weed out the ones who possibly have an ulterior motive and could just want to hook up with girls. Be watchful and pray because the enemy can use emotions to distract us and get us off course in our faith walk. (Read more: 1 Corinthians 6:15-20, Psalm 51:10, 1 Thessalonians 4:3.)
I want to mention also that if you have fallen into sexual sin before then there is forgiveness and repentence. God is love and He wants the best for His children. God’s Word is to protect and bless like a Father, not to restrict us with rules and no fun in life. Kissing isn’t labeled as a sin and I don’t want to project that for all couples but just remember to seek God for yourself, and to guard your heart because everything flows out of it in life.
I am praying for you, PI Girls! God is with you! Comment below for prayer requests or other pieces of advice!
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