Girl to Girl Talk: Should I Let My Crush Hold My Hand?

    Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions.

    This week, a PI Girl asked if she should hold her crush’s hand.

    Click here to read the full post or to join the Girl Talk forum:

    “My guy friend and I have been hanging out for a while now (not officially dating) and today we are going to the park for a walk or run, just the two of us… I have a feeling he will try to hold my hand… I want him to. Should I let him?”

    If you like your guy friend as more than a friend, and the feeling is mutual, then I don’t see why you can’t hold hands. If you think he will hold your hand but really isn’t interested, then I would suggest guarding your heart. Of course only God knows man’s intentions, but I would say that if your crush wants to hang out one-on-one and is expressing interest in you and asks you to be his girlfriend, fine. If not, and if there are red flags or he sends mixed messages, be honest and open and tell him you would rather hold hands only if you were in a committed relationship.

    Here are five tips to help you decide if you should hold your crush’s hand:

    1. Ask God to give you discernment. (James 1:5)

    2. Guard your heart. (Proverbs 4:23)

    3. Use wisdom: In the situation, don’t deceive yourself—you will know if he says something wrong or ungodly. Don’t just hold his hand if he doesn’t pursue you in a godly way. If you know he is a player or flirts with everyone…the answer is NO. If he is respectful and a gentleman, sure—and use discretion.

    4. Ask yourself if he is walking with God and can lead you: If not, then I would say do not hold hands, and hang out in group settings. Also, in general, hanging out in a group is safer and a better choice. (Of course in middle school and high school, this is appropriate; for adults, this may be different, but women of God need to be watchful so that they don’t open the door to the enemy or a counterfeit.)

    5. Don’t let hand-holding turn into more or sin: Hand-holding is pretty innocent, but it could lead to kissing. Every situation is different, but don’t let him lead you on or pretend to be a gentleman but then send confusing signals. If he is your boyfriend, I don’t see why you cannot hold hands. Pray about this and listen to the Holy Spirit, and God will guide you. If you have peace, you will know you are in God’s good will; if not, then maybe ask a mentor or parent for further advice.

    PI Girls, what would you do in this situation? How can I pray for you?

    Christi Given
    Christi Given
    Christi Given is a former Trinity Broadcasting Network host for the JUCE TV NETWORK, and has been featured on the Hillsong Channel. Her passion is to reach the youth with the Gospel and her music. Given has been writing for Project Inspired since 2011, and hopes to encourage the younger generation in their faith.


    1. This has always been an interesting question for me. A lot of people don’t even hold hands until they’re engaged! For me, I’ve always been a very touchy person. If you are my friend, you’ve probably been hugged by me. If I’ve ever seen you hurt I’ve probably cleaned and bandaged whatever wound. If you’ve had a fever around me and were passed out on my front porch swing, I’ve brushed your hair out of your face to try and cool your head. I have to remind myself that when people meet for the first time, they shake hands, not hug! 😛 So it’s always been difficult for me to know when I’m using too much touch, because I use it constantly with everyone, like someone else might smile and wave at their friends. I always try to watch how that person interacts with others to see how much touch they are accustomed to and comfortable with, but, do you have any suggestions?

      • Hi Speak4elohim,
        I totally understand where you are coming from! I grew up in a very “touchy” family, where everybody loved on everybody else! As a high schooler, I realize that not everyone is like that! I always try to be friendly, and not come across as the crazy girl who is overly friendly!? You’re doing right by paying attention to body language and whether a person is “touchy” or not! I’ve learned that it’s great to be friendly to people you just meet, and not being touchy at first is for the best! You just have to keep in mind that not everyone is like you and they may become taken aback at your toucheyness? and you know what?…..You’re going to make mistakes. You may offend someone by being overly touchey. But here’s the thing: mistakes happen! I’m not saying you’re going to become an expert overnight on people and whether they like touch or not? But you’ll learn overtime! I’m hoping I answered your question, hopefully I interpreted it correctly!? As for future boyfriends, it’s best to hold back your “toucheyness” until you get to know them better. It may not be the same in all circumstances, but you don’t want to be giving the boy mixed signals, cause they may associate toucheyness with a more serious relationship (if that makes sense)
        WOW I sure hope this makes sense! If it did, great! If it didn’t,…my advice to you is to pray to the Lord about everything you worry about! Because he knows your heart and will help you work through anything?


      • I like to hug, too. What I do is if I’m not sure but think it might be appropriate to hug, I hold my arms a little up and out, as kind of a hug invite. If the other person responds with a hug, then it’s alright. If they don’t, I quickly lower my arms and there isn’t a hug and no one seems uncomfortable. That way the other person can decide what they’re comfortable with. If you’re close friends with someone and aren’t sure how they feel about hugs, you can have the hug conversation and just talk about it and decide how you two want to do hugging, but that’s awkward to do it with every person. I’ve only done it with close friends. Another thing I’ve done is I had a friend who I would hug when I’d see him and I wasn’t sure if he wanted to hug or if he just did it because I’d hug him and he was just being a good sport, so one time when I saw him, I greeted him like usual, except I didn’t hug him right away, just to gauge if he wanted to hug when we saw each other, and he hugged me, so I knew he was cool with it, too. I don’t know if any of that helps, but those are things I’ve done.

    2. This is a really great topic! I hung out with my now boyfriend for several months before we started dating and there were so many times that I wished he would hold my hand. I was like, just do it. But then I would think about how we weren’t in a committed relationship and how much harder it would be if we didn’t start dating if we were already holding hands. I’m really glad we didn’t then, because now it is just the best thing, being able to hold his hand.

      The other thing is that when I see a boy and girl holding hands, my natural assumption is going to be that they are dating. It may not be true, but that’s what I’ll think. When my boyfriend and I had our boundaries talk, we talked about holding hands. We decided that we would let that be within our boundaries, mainly because it is a sweet way to show the world that you are together. Just my thoughts on this topic!

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