Girl to Girl Talk: Where Do You Get Your Validation From?

    Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions. Join the Girl Talk forum here.



    Recently, a PI Girl asked about relationships, overanalyzing texts from guys and also wondering if what a guy says really means anything. Read more here.

    This made me think of value, worth, feeling special versus rejected and also who we are in our identity. My question for you is “Where do you get your validation from?” Do you get your validation from guys or how many followers you have on Instagram (or “likes,” for that matter?), or does your worth come from being God’s daughter? We should walk in our call as daughters of the King, and being bought by a price when Jesus died on the cross for us. Our royalty is our identity in who we are in Christ, and what we need to remember (all of us, even me) is that we need to remove thoughts of comparison to others and realize we are already accepted, loved, adored and valued by the REAL Prince…the Prince of Peace, amen?


    Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory. (Romans 8:17)



    [Image: Quite Women Co.]


    But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. (1 Peter 2:9)


    God tells us that He loved us first, and that is why we love Him back. He died for us while we were still sinners, when we still mocked God and doubted. He went through with His promise because God keeps His word. Let us remember that, yes, we have a flesh and temptation, and it isn’t easy nowadays with social media and comparing ourselves to others or wanting affection from a guy, but JESUS is the only one who can fill your heart and completely give you peace. No man can fully complete you and/or satisfy that desire to be loved. People can love you and be there for you temporarily, but they will eventually disappoint you. Even pastors, leaders and family members will fail you, but God never will fail you. Man may say something and do another, may speak a promise but maybe break it, but our Father in heaven never will. He will NEVER leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6).


    But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. (Romans 5:8)



    Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)


    Wanting human validation is natural, and there is nothing wrong with love or affection, but if you become consumed by it, idolize it, lose your self-worth in it, then it is not worth it. You need to find wholeness and TRUE security in Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world. We cannot keep running around the same mountain (of competing with the world, needing man’s applause or approval, or even wanting that attention from a guy). It is REALLY okay. You will survive, and God will send the man of God for you who DESERVES your love and beauty (internal and external), and someone who will not string you along or need to “think” about it. Yes, wisdom is good and balance is good, but we need to stop freaking out when people don’t respond the way we want or when we want. Amen?

    I love this article on validation from Relevant magazine called “Death by Validation.” The writer explains how he needed one night to have someone like his post on social media and was craving to be validated, but realized he had a problem. He calls it “validation addiction.” SO TRUE. Isn’t that our culture? He says, pertaining to his writing and creativity, he didn’t feel like he had a big enough platform or reach with people. He says that it has affected his identity and even his passion. “How dangerous is it that validation, and the lack thereof, seeps into my creativity, identity and motivation like a radiation leak,” he says. He also quotes an author, Steven Pressfield, who made a great point on excellence and that not everyone will notice this right away.

    I say, why not be complete in God’s approval, whether man notices or not? (Galatians 1:10) At the end of the day and at the end of your life, no one else will be standing before you and God, giving an account. We need God’s approval first, and when we seek Him above all else, everything will eventually fall into place. We don’t need to strive when we work for God, or when we are honoring God. Yes, things may take time, but God will open doors no man can shut (Isaiah 22:22) and His ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55). Let us break the chains of needing approval through people or things, amen?


    “The artist cannot look to others to validate his efforts or his calling. If you don’t believe me, ask Van Gogh, who produced masterpiece after masterpiece and never found a buyer in his whole life.” —Steven Pressfield, The War of Art





    PI Girls, what do you think? Do you let guys shape your identity or self-worth? Do you base your security on or get validation from who likes you or if you are in a relationship? (Some things to pause and really think about!)


    If you would like to contact me, have any other questions or need prayer, message me:
    Twitter: @ChristiGiven
    Instagram: Christi_Given

    Christi Given
    Christi Given
    Christi Given is a former Trinity Broadcasting Network host for the JUCE TV NETWORK, and has been featured on the Hillsong Channel. Her passion is to reach the youth with the Gospel and her music. Given has been writing for Project Inspired since 2011, and hopes to encourage the younger generation in their faith.


    1. I’ve always struggled with this. I wanted so desperately to be popular, accepted, and valued in people’s eyes. And on Facebook, I find myself comparing to others and wondering why so and so is getting this number of “likes” on their posts while I’m getting maybe one or two. I still find myself wondering at times, but I know that in the end, it really doesn’t matter. What really matters is me serving and pleasing God. I’m His daughter and my worth comes from Him. I’m sure glad I’m not the only one struggling with this. Thank you for writing this, Christi. <3

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