Giving God a Hand in Finding Our Spouse
Written by Phylicia Masonheimer | May 25, 2019
I used to agonize over how I would know who my husband would be. When would I meet him? How would things progress? Would God tell me? How? When? Where?!
I asked God a lot of questions and didn’t wait for a lot of His answers! Looking back, I see how the slow, up-and-down, imperfect journey to meeting my husband was exactly what I needed to learn trust in the Lord. One lesson I learned, albeit the hard way, was how to give God a hand in finding my spouse.
You might be thinking, “Give God a “hand”?! God doesn’t need help!” And that’s true! God is sovereign. But He also gives us a choice: We can invite Him into the relationship decisions we make, or we can reject His wisdom and do things our way. (Read more here about why God is not determining who you marry) Having done both, I can tell you: Walking with God in your relationships is so much better!
Inviting the Lord into your relationship and singleness journey might seem abstract, so here are some things to think about it.
The Balance of Trusting and Seeking
When we talk about relationships, we tend to place trust and action on two ends of a spectrum. However, trust and action are two parts to the same machine. If we’re trusting God, we will seek good relationships – and if we’re seeking well, we have to trust God. There are seasons in which God clearly tells us to wait; times when it is perhaps unhealthy to look for a relationship. But for many of us, seeking a relationship is a freedom we have at the same time we seek the face of God. The two are not incongruent.
Good relationships are built on trust, so it follows that a relationship with God, built on trust, will positively affect a human relationship too. I love this verse from Jeremiah 17: “…Blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. They will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream… it has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” (Jeremiah 17:7-8). A person who trusts God does not need to worry about their relationship future, even when it looks like parched desert of possibilities!
Obedience is Powerful
Secondly, we need to remember how powerful obedience is in the eyes of God. When we obey God, we’re aligning ourselves with His will and His Person. We invite His strength and power into our lives, and keep our minds in step with His wisdom. We need all of these things in order to make good relationship decisions! It follows that our obedience in other areas of life will overflow into our singleness. It also follows that disobedience will follow us , even into our dating life, if it has become a pattern of our choices.
Jesus told His disciples, “If you love me, you will obey what I command.” When we are walking in true relationship with Jesus, obedience will characterize our behavior. Obeying God in your singleness prepares you to obey Him when you date, and (most importantly) it invites Him into the center of your life.
Make Good Choices
It’s a funny saying, but it’s true: Make good choices. Obedience to God naturally leads to wise decisions, and wise decisions are a reflection of God’s guidance. We want to have God’s influence in our relationships, right? We want Him to guide us to a godly spouse. If we do, we have to make good choices from the opportunities presented. You can’t expect God to stop you from dating an unbeliever if that’s what you’ve set your heart to do. Like any good Father, God allows to make choices: Good or bad.
Involving God in your relationships and thus, your future marriage, is key to making the best choices for your life. But to have Him involved in the future, you have to involve Him in the present. Seek Him first. Put Him first. Follow Him first. The rest will fall in place with time.