“He Likes Me, But He’s Done a Lot of Bad Things! Can I Just Help Him?”

    Hey Olivia, so, there’s this guy who apparently really likes me. He has for about a year now and a while ago he confessed his feelings, but we’ve never really talked face-to-face. He’s a friend of one of my guy friends, and he’s also used their relationship to get close to me.

    Anyway, he’s been quite shy around me in person, but chats to me quite a lot on Facebook. He told me how much he liked me and I honestly don’t feel the same way. For one, I don’t know the guy, and he doesn’t even know me, so the fact that he likes me as much as he does really has no logic in it. And, well, I am Christian, and he isn’t. He’s not an atheist, but also has not been saved. He’s done a lot of things…yes, well, just keeping it real, he sleeps around. And he used to go out with one of my friends who is like a sister to me, and broke her heart…and I can’t believe the way I sound right now because all of these negative things about him, all would indicate a BIG NO-NO! He also took her virginity.

    I am friends with a lot of non-Christians, but my faith in God remains strong. I have slipped away from Him a couple of times, but have renewed my relationship with Him since last month. I need advice, I know this guy has done a lot of bad things in his life, and has also been the reason for heartache in a sister, but I can’t help but feel like I should do something to help change him. He’s asked me out a couple of times. I’ve said no. I don’t want to date him, I just want to help him. What should I do? God bless, xox

    Phew!!! Wow! What a whirlwind of info! I actually think it’s funny that as you’re explaining it to me, you’re coming to realize that this is a pretty sticky situation, right? But the situation itself is far from funny. In fact, it’s very serious!

    Now, I’ve answered a similar question in a previous post, “I Like Him, But We’re Unequally Yoked! Can I Change Him?” It relates to part of your question regarding changing a person, so I’d like you to check it out after you’ve read this!

    I think it’s great that you have an interest in this boy’s salvation, but my concern for you is threefold:

    1. He’s obviously promiscuous and has his eye on you, so should you really be looking to spend more time with him? And if he likes to “sleep around,” aren’t you concerned that that’s all he wants from you? You even wrote that his liking you was not logical since he doesn’t know you. Well, maybe he likes what he sees and isn’t interested in actually getting to “know” you.
    2. You mentioned that your faith remains strong, yet you also write that you’ve “slipped away from God a couple of times,” only recently “renewing your relationship with Him.” So, are you really strong enough in your own faith to lead someone else to Christ while not being pulled away from Him by this guy?
    3. I’m also concerned that maybe you’re a little intrigued by this guy; that you’re attracted to the “bad boy” image. Am I wrong to assume that?

    Honestly, based on your explanation, I believe that this would be a dangerous situation for you to get yourself into, and I would strongly recommend that you not get involved in him in any capacity, especially since he broke your good friend’s heart!!! He’s interested in dating you, so isn’t he likely to continue pursuing you if you show interest in him, even if it’s just to help him? What if he misinterprets your interest in “helping him,” assuming it’s because you like him back? I’m sorry, girl, but this is definitely a situation that I would stay away from, seriously.

    Here is what I would do:

    1. Stay away from this guy. Be polite if he speaks to you, but refrain from getting personal with him. In fact, cut back on your contact with him, to the bare minimum. Scripture says to stay away from bad company and that it corrupts good character (1 Corinthians 15:33).
    2. Strengthen your own faith and walk with Christ. You’re in and out, so you should be more concerned with your own relationship with God and your own salvation. You can’t evangelize when you’re not strong in your faith. In fact, he may even be stronger in his own persuasions and lead you away from God completely. How sad that would be!
    3. Pray for strength. God was clear when He said that there would be no temptation that you could not overcome with His strength. So pray that this boy leaves you alone, that you have the strength to stay away from him, and that your own relationship with God never weakens or severs again.
    4. Pray for him. If you want to do something for him, then genuinely and sincerely ask God to help him.

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!


    1. It’s never a good idea. I was 16 when that happened to me. They turned me away from God and then I became the promiscuous one. It’s dangerous to go out with someone and try to change them. No one can change someone. We have the tools to tell them about Christ but it will be up to them to decide. Also, some guys that are a ladies man like to say they’re your faith but in reality are only trying to sleep with you. Be careful out there, it’s a wild world.

    2. I think the answer is in your own explanation about this guy. You said he’s a big no-no, he took you friend’s virginity, etc. Isn’t that a good proof to stay away from that guy? Don’t let this guy get to you. But be prepared that he’ll possibly do whatever it takes to get you, so be ready. Wouldn’t you love it if a guys confesses to you personally? Or a guy that you will be able to introduce to your parents? Trust me, it also happened to me. Last question, how can you bring others to Christ if you yourself isn’t fully into Christ? Get what I mean?

    3. That’s sort of like what I’m dealing with right now! This little 12 year-old boy typed a note in my phone and he said something like with laps, and mine is his… it’s sort of funny because he’s a 12 year-old boy, I mean he prob didn’t even know what he was talking about lol!

    4. That’s the best advice anybody could ever receive, sometimes you tell yourself it would be better to learn the lesson on your own to see how the situation would affect you but in reality, its better to trust what we have to say than to risk your relationship with God, its happened to me my freshman year and because of that, it lead to heart break and loneliness. Sometimes God allows things to happen but if its something you can avoid then don’t do it. plain and simple, we just have to be obedient.

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