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Christian Life

“Help! How Do I Witness to Guys?”

Hey Olivia, so I know many girls are asking you about tips to know whether a guy likes you or not, but my question is of a much different nature. I recently became more interested in this topic as the Holy Spirit began working more on my heart. I want to know the best way to approach guys for Christ! I feel that this is a delicate issue and want some tips for the best way to do this. I have had past experience witnessing to one of my casual male friends and feel that I made a couple of errors. Also, this is a big deal to me because I know so many more young guys my age. Note: These are casual friendships and there is no “crushing” occurring. Another question I have is about one of Zach’s roundtables a while back. He stated that he believed that guys and girls could not be “just friends,” but I believe that it’s possible, so basically (after all of this garrulousness) I wanted some tips for how to maintain healthy, Christian friendships with guys. I feel like the two questions are interconnected. Thank you for your time! I really appreciate your posts in PI. :)

Hey girl! Thanks for the question.

Regarding your desire to witness to guys specifically, I do wonder why. Why are you approaching guys for Christ? Remember, when Jesus sat with “sinners,” they came to Him. They were interested in Him. They were seeking His Truth. This is not to say that you should close yourself off to others and only wait for them to approach you, but rather, you should witness in a manner that is not “predatory.”

I think that witnessing should come naturally and there really shouldn’t be a specific intention to change someone. Especially if they don’t want to change. People can sense that and this may be your biggest error, and it can have the opposite effect. What I mean is that unless a person wants to change or is interested in hearing about the Lord, he or she may be on the defensive. And how helpful is that when your intention is to save souls?

As Christians, witnessing begins in our own actions and behaviors, and those things in themselves often make a difference or cause discussions on faith to open up. Also, I don’t think you should be so focused on witnessing to a specific gender.

As to your other question, Zach’s roundtable was a great demonstration of how people’s views differ on the subject of guys and girls being friends. My personal opinion is that guys and girls can’t be “close” friends because usually someone ends up crushing on the other. Just read the many posts on my Ask Olivia forum. I get tons of questions about boys, and often they begin with “I never really liked this guy, but now I’m starting to have feelings” or “My guy friend just told me he likes me—how do I turn him down without hurting his feelings?” Honestly, guy-and-girl friendships often end in hurt feelings.

A healthy relationship with a guy can be had with someone you plan on marrying. But you can’t expect to have a close relationship with a guy the way you would with a girl. Someone always ends up crushing, and when you eventually do meet a guy you’re interested in marrying, the old friendships with guys can suddenly seem inappropriate.

Anyway, the discussion on guy-and-girl friendships is way more extensive than I can offer on this post. I think Zach’s roundtable covers all opinion and angles, and is definitely worth a second look. My opinion is similar to Zach’s and Becca’s, and is primarily based on personal experience!

So, back to your first question, when it comes to witnessing to guys, here’s what I think you should do:

  1. Don’t be so focused on searching for people to witness to. God will send people your way. Just live a Godly life and this will be a witness. It will also bring people to you. These people will likely question your faith or give you opportunity to discuss God or share your testimony.
  2. Check out the many PI posts on witnessing, including the recently posted “How to Witness to Everyone Without Being a Pushy Christian.” I think you will find them helpful.
  3. Witnessing should be a joy and so it should come naturally. If the Holy Spirit is working in you, then you have the tools to witness effectively. Just let Him guide you.
  4. Pray for the words. When you witness, you are speaking for God, so pray to Him and ask Him for the words. Ask Him for guidance.

Good luck and God bless!

Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

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3 Comments

  1. HyperGirl_Trip

    Posted by HyperGirl_Trip on January 22, 2015 at 20:14

    I can relate to this question! I have several casual guy friends. There’s some guys at my co-ops, but mostly because I’m heavily involved in martial arts, which is frankly a guy-dominated sport. As for witnessing to guys-I relate to that too! One of the instructors, who I consider a friend has been on my heart for a long time and I’ve witnessed to and prayed for him multiple times. I’m 16 and he’s 21, so it might even seem really awkward, but it’s not somehow. His 16yo sister is a friend who I’ve witnessed to and am sort of discipling now, and the instructors, well we’ve seen each other at the highs, lows, and sleep-deprived days of life, so we have a really awesome friendship bond that’s never awkward or anything.

  2. Gemma

    Posted by Gemma on January 22, 2015 at 19:16

    I think the person writing the article misunderstood the girl’s question. (Maybe assuming she was referring to missionary dating, which I’m pretty sure she wasn’t coming from that angle 🙂 )I totally agree with the girl’s point of view and am also wondering the same things! I didn’t really find the answer helpful. I think that guys and girls can definitely be friends, not on the same level as girlfriends are with each other and guy friends are with each other of course, (as it’s good to keep a healthy distance with the opposite gender unless you have a more than friends relationship, to keep things appropriate and guard our hearts and protect the hearts of our guy friends! Toootally get that!) but there can definitely be friendships between guys and girls without it being more than friends. I think we should all seek to have godly, Christ-centered friendships, and encourage our brothers and sisters in their walk with Christ. I really long to have these kinds of friendships! Again, guy friends will go deeper with each other and girl friends will go deeper with each other, but there shouldn’t be a problem with the two groups mixing! 🙂 I’ve always really appreciated both my guy and my girl friends’ points of view! Something that has always bothered me with church friends is how the guys and girls tend to completely avoid each other and see each other as all mysterious and perfect, and as “options” and any interactions that happen are because of crushes. That’s so dumb. I think it’s healthy to mix and see we’re all sinners and none of us are perfect and to encourage one another to seek after Christ and be witnesses to one another. We shouldn’t seek each other out only for more-than-friends relationships. And I agree with the above comment, that the Bible commands us to “go out and make disciples” -we as Christians need to be more intentional, seeking to witness to guys AND girls alike! Not simply waiting around for our lifestyles to make a change. It takes a good balance of both living out the gospel, and preaching the gospel. 🙂

  3. Chloe T.

    Posted by Chloe T. on January 22, 2015 at 18:22

    I have 1 guy friend who I am somewhat “close” to and I believe that God has allowed us to develop a friendship so that I can influence him for Christ. I don’t think that it is “pushy” to witness to guys. If God has given you that opportunity and is speaking to you about it, absolutely you should witness to that person, even if they are a guy.

    With that being said, it is difficult to have a close, one-on-one conversation about God without it seeming “inappropriate” or as if there is something else going on. Pray for God to give you good opportunities to be a witness and pray for other Christian males to step into his life and continue to witness.