I’m a 20-year-old college girl who feels like I missed a step. I dated a bit in middle school and high school, but nothing for long enough to really become comfortable with dating in general. After a few terrible relationships, it’s been a few years and I can’t help [but] think there is something wrong with me. I feel like I’ve related this scenario to my self-esteem and I feel so lost while all my friends are dating. I’ve transferred colleges and moved cities, too, so things feel difficult in so many ways. How can I feel grounded, and what advice do you have for someone who feels so normal, but can’t get anywhere with dating?
Hey girl! Thanks for trusting me with your question. I can imagine that you’re totally frustrated with the dating scene, and that past relationships have left you feeling self-conscious. But I think this sums up one of the reasons casual dating can be destructive, right? Sometimes, I think that the less we date before marriage, the better. Seriously!
You want advice? Don’t stress over dating. Don’t be so concerned about what those around you are doing. Focus on your walk with Christ and He will guide you with patience and fortitude.
Also, the last thing you want to do is assume that there’s something wrong with you and that’s why you’re not dating. That only creates negative feelings that reflect in your overall personality. So, stay positive and know that dating doesn’t define you.
Besides, you shouldn’t be so quick to date. The person you date should be a candidate for marriage, so he should have the qualities you’re looking for in your future husband. If you rush into dating for the sake of dating, you’ll probably rush into another “terrible” relationship. Ugh! And who wants that?
So here’s what I think you should do:
- Nurture your relationship with Christ. Is He the center of your world? How strong is your desire to know Him compared to your desire to date? Refocus your mind on Him.
- Focus on your work. You’re in college, right? So work on doing your best for Christ without the distractions that relationships bring. Your time to date and marry will come; now is the time to study.
- Know what you’re looking for in a husband. If you make a list of qualities that you desire in your husband, it really helps you focus on who you’re looking for in a husband, not just a date.
- Keep busy with hobbies and activities. Find a church nearby where you can take part in service to others. This will keep you busy and focused on serving the Lord, which in turn will help you strengthen your faith.
- Take dating seriously. Recognize dating for what it ideally is: the first step to marriage. Once you recognize the significance, you’ll be more concerned with dating the right guy, as opposed to simply dating.
- Love being single. There’s nothing wrong with being single, especially since you’re still young! Enjoy it! The time for dating will come soon enough. Until then, see the positive in being single. Embrace it! Take advantage of the freedom you have to do the fun things you’ve always wanted to do.
- Hang out with more singles. If you hang out with other singles, you won’t feel left out. You can meet new people at your church or during your activities. Hanging out with more like-minded girls will help you in your desire to remain focused on God and not guys!
- Pray. In all things, pray. God is the answer to everything. He will guide you—just pray to Him and ask Him for patience.
Good luck and God bless!
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!