Christian Life
“Help, I Feel Like the Third Wheel with My Two Good Friends!”
Written by Ask Olivia | April 23, 2014
I have been having trouble with jealousy. A few months ago my best friend started coming to the same church as me and I introduced her to my good friend. They hit it off really well. But now every time I’m with them I feel like the third wheel. When I’m at my best friend’s house she is always texting my good friend. I feel like I’m the old toy that gets put on a shelf because there is a new toy. I have been praying to God every night asking Him to help me with my jealousy. I would like some advice on what to do, please?
Oh, girl, I’m sorry you’re feeling like a third wheel! That’s no fun. The good news is that your friends hit it off, but now you’re feeling left out of their great friendship. But I think that if your friends are as good as you write, then you should approach them and explain how you’re feeling. You can speak to them one at a time or together, depending on what’s more comfortable for you.
The other thing to remember is that you shouldn’t take this personally. I know that can be REALLY tough, but they’re a new friendship, so they’re still getting to know each other and it’s likely they don’t realize they’re excluding you.
Here’s what I think you should do:
- Talk to your friends! Explain that you’re really happy they’re getting on well, but that when you’re hanging out, it’d be nice to have their full attention. If you’re good friends, then your concerns will be important to them.
- Remember that they’re your pals, but you don’t own them. If you want to make plans with one but she already has plans with the other, don’t reflect that on yourself. It’s like any other friend who has plans with someone else, so don’t let that get to you!
- Make new friends. You don’t want to replace your two good friends, but it’s nice to have different people to hang out with who share your interests.
- Continue to ask God to help you with your feelings of jealousy. You don’t want to be consumed with negative thoughts, especially when you’re around your friends, as it could ultimately affect your attitude and eventually cause friction between all of you.
Good luck and God bless!
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!
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Posted by PurpleGal17 on July 12, 2014 at 12:03
That was really great advice!
Posted by Emmyluhu on April 28, 2014 at 18:32
This is exactly what I needed to here! I will definitely pray about it, I had never really looked at it in that way. Thank you
Posted by sunburst on April 27, 2014 at 12:15
@lovejoypeacebell and Carefreelilly I really appreciated what you said about praying about it. Honestly I never thought about it!!! 🙂 Thank you soo much!!!
Posted by LivviBear on April 24, 2014 at 11:28
Ikr sunburn! My Bestfriend always said we were BFF’s! She hang out with her sister and boyfriend and I’m just trotting behind them like “What up” lol. I didn’t even know a 4th wheel was physically possible!! At least us Christians get each other.
Posted by lovejoypeacebell@hotmail.com on April 24, 2014 at 18:42
LivviBear, sounds like your having BFF’s “other friend” issues. I totally understand, seriously. I think maybe you should pray about it, think about it, then talk to your friend about it. She may not even know that she is making you feel left out, but it still hurts. Your friend may overreact about you commenting to her, so try to be calm when you talk about it 😉
Good luck!! :o)
Posted by CarefreeLilly on April 24, 2014 at 05:36
Sunburst, that same thing happened to me too. I have very few friends and after meeting these three girls at a place, I was happy they wanted to include me, except they halfway didn’t. One of them just completely made it clear that she only liked to hang out with the people she knew from waaay back and that she didn’t have time for me, and the other two were nice but every time I was around all they wanted to talk about was their plans for hanging out together and such. 🙁 And now that I have moved it’s like they totally forgot I exist. It’s hard but I just learned to ask God for help and move on.
Posted by sunburst on April 23, 2014 at 16:24
I feel like the fourth wheel!!! There is 4 of us including me and my other 3 friends have been friends for life and they just started including me. My three other friends will just talk and talk about how they should get together and do this or that and there is really no place for me in the conversation.
Am I jealous?? Should I speak up more??? Please Help!!!!!!!!!!!!