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Christian Life

“Help! I Feel That God Is Calling Me to a Life of Singleness!”

Sad-Girl

How can you know if you’re being called to a life of singleness? I’m an 18-year-old college student and feel that God may be calling me to a life of singleness; however, I have a desire to one day be married and have a family. Does God sometimes deny us those desires? Or would he only call to singleness someone who didn’t desire marriage?

Hey girl. Thanks for your question!

I guess the first thing I would ask you is why you think you’re destined to a life of singleness. Is it because you’re 18 and you’re not in a relationship? If that’s the case, I would urge you not to stress out about being in a relationship. It’s still too early to tell. Maybe you just haven’t met the right man and so you should be focused on other things, such as your relationship with God.

I believe that if you focus on Him, you will come to know Him better and, consequently, come to understand what He wants from you and your life.

Sure, there are people who are better suited to a life of singleness. Priests and nuns, for starters, often have a strong desire to just serve God completely, without the distractions of a spouse or children. Jesus and the apostle Paul were also single. In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35, the latter wrote, “I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married man is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried woman and the virgin are anxious about the affairs of the Lord, so that they may be holy in body and spirit; but the married woman is anxious about the affairs of the world, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to put any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and unhindered devotion to the Lord.” So, Paul was all for being single because he felt that it brought people closer to God.

Does this mean that Paul advised people against marriage? Of course not. He just knew that some people were best suited to marriage, and some people, like himself, were best suited to a single life devoted 100 percent to the Lord.

There are also lay people who never get married and are more comfortable remaining single and living a life devoted to God and helping others. So, a life of singleness is not something to be shunned for or upset about.

I feel like I’ve digressed a tad, but here’s what I think you should do:

  1. Stop stressing out. You are still young. Focus on the Lord right now and let Him guide your way.
  2. Trust in Him. He knows more than we do about what we need and what life is better for us.
  3. Pray and believe. Jesus said in Mark 11:24, “So I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” And in John 15:7, He said, “If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” So, don’t fret. Stay strong in your faith and pray for what you desire, and then God will give you what you want. He said so Himself!

Good luck and God bless!

Need some advice? Ask your questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

Image: LightStock | Breeze.Pics

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10 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by canadiangirl on July 2, 2015 at 11:19

    Over all this article was good. And although I know it was written with the best of intention, I have a problem with the ending:

    “Stay strong in your faith and pray for what you desire, and then God will give you what you want.”

    God does not give us what we want if we pray with enough faith. What can be quantified as enough faith anyways?! Paul prayed with great faith and ernest desire for his thorn in the flesh to be removed, yet God didn’t give him what he wanted but rather told him that His grace was sufficient.

    I don’t think the issue is so much to “be called” to singleness or “to be called” to marry… I think the real issue is trust. Will you trust God to give you what is best for you. What is best in your life to live a manner that will glorify Him (whether that be being single or being married). And will you trust that His grace is sufficient to enable you to live the life He deems the best for you, whether you agree with what that best is or not.

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by christianpundit on June 10, 2015 at 18:23

    I’m sure that the person who wrote this page means well, but some of the advice doesn’t hold up and some of it is is misleading to Christian singles.

    I became a Christian at a very young age and am currently in my 40s. I had wanted to marry, and I would still like to marry. I was advised by Christians since my youth, including my Christian mother, to follow step 5 on this list – to pray and trust God to send me a spouse.

    It was also implied in a lot of Christian sermons and books I read that if I stayed sexually pure, I would be “rewarded with” a spouse.

    I remain a virgin in my 40s, as I never married – I believed for years that sex was for marriage only, so I have abstained. (Yes, being celibate over your entire life is quite possible, contrary to what most people believe.)

    The pray, wait, and have faith approach did not get me a husband. I have never married, though I had wanted to be. (I was engaged at one point but I had to break the relationship off.)

    I at times also tried dating sites, but most of the men on the dating sites are crude, weirdos, or have issues, so dating sites haven’t been great for me personally.

    Christians do singles a very big dis-service when they tell them to just trust in God for a spouse, pray for one, “stand on the promises of the Word” and so on. I did all that and am still single

    If you want to get married, ladies, you need to work at it. Being passive is not going to work. Consider joining dating sites, asking guys out on dates, tell your friends to fix you up with eligible men, and take other steps to make marriage happen.

    If you do the “just trust in God and his timing and God’s promises” shtick, it will not work. It sounds pious and pretty to believe in “just trust in God, have faith, remember God’s promises in the Bible” – but it doesn’t work for the vast majority of people.

    And it’s not just me. Read books such as Christian author Julia Duin’s “Quitting Church” book, and you will find that many Christian single women today, who are age 30, 40, 50 and older had all hoped, prayed, and expected to marry, and yet, they never have. This can happen to you, too.

    God doesn’t send everyone who prays for a spouse a spouse. You can pray your little heart out, have loads of faith, believe in biblical promises, and still never receive a husband.

    By the way, the Bible does not really teach any such thing as a “calling to singleness” or a “calling to marriage.” The Bible portrays getting married or staying single as personal choices.

    God allows you to decide which route you take, whether to marry or not; he does not determine in eternity past who will marry and who will be single. God lets you decide all that.

    I will say that it can be a disappointment when you are still single at age 40 (I’m a bit past 40 now), but your life does not end. You learn to accept being single this long and enjoy your life for what it is.

    But it really pains me to see Christians still telling singles who desire marriage to “just trust in God for a spouse.” No, that will not work. If you want a spouse, you must go out and seek one, go on dates, etc.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Emily101 on June 18, 2015 at 19:59

      @christianpundit

      I do not mean this in any disrespecful way and I’ve actually prayed before posting this that God would speak through me in response to your comment. I do not agree with your comment that single ladies should not pray and trust God with a husband. Without God arranging the relationship and being the center of the relationship, the relationship will fail. I am sorry for you and that you feel as though praying and trusting God did not pay off for you. However, I personally know a 40+ year old lady who waited for God to send her the right man and He did and now she is married and happy with her husband. I say this to offer you hope and the other ladies waiting and praying for their future spouse as well. I do agree with you on the fact that ladies do not need to shy away from guys. You cannot do that and expect to get a husband. Just focus on being friends with guys and God will take care of the rest. Ladies, praying and waiting will be worth it. God Bless!

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by jay_maeee7 on June 9, 2015 at 21:12

    I really needed to read this. As I am 19, I have basically been trying to figure out why I am still singe. Like stated in this article, I was afraid that God was calling me to a life of singleness even though I have a strong desire to be married and have kids one day. I always have guys coming in and out of my life, but they always show their true colors before things get too serious. Maybe that is God’s way of telling me that he wants me to be closer and have more desire for him first. I know one day I will me my wonderful man sent by God, but all I have left to do is rely on Him and His word. Thank you for this post! 🙂

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by kaitlyschacher on June 9, 2015 at 20:36

    I remember being 18 and feeling called to singleness. One thing to keep in mind is God could be calling you to be single for a TIME not forever. Going into college you learn a lot about yourself and its a great time to grow in your faith. I’m 23 now and beginning to feel this calling could be drawing to a close in a few more years. Just take the time to PRAY about where God wants you to go in your life and that any future significant other or lack thereof fits into his plan.

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by Piper_Monroe20 on June 8, 2015 at 21:37

    I was talking to my sister in law (at the time she was just a friend, and not even dating my brother), and I told her I felt like I was going to be single forever, and never going to be married. I have a deep desire to be married and have children. She told me that God would not give me those desires only to snatch them away and be like “Ha ha, I don’t care what you want NOPE”. He’s not a cruel God. He loves us, and He wants the very best for us.

    If you were called to a life of singleness, he would give you a desire to remain single and serve Him.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by christianpundit on June 10, 2015 at 18:28

      @ Piper Monroe.
      Piper said, “If you were called to a life of singleness, he would give you a desire to remain single and serve Him.”

      Piper, respectfully, this is not true, and it’s also a view that is not supported in the Bible at all.
      I am over 40 years old, and I had wanted to marry, but I am still single. God did not remove my desire to marry. I would still like to marry one day.

      I do not have a deep or strong desire to “serve God” in my single state.

      I went through a mourning period when I accepted by my mid or late 30s that I may never marry. You mourn it, then you move through the mourning, and you accept the situation for what it is.

      That does not mean I am thrilled to be still single, but I have adapted, and I don’t want to allow the lack of marriage to bring me down. I want to enjoy my life as it is, even if that means I never marry.

      A lot of things Christians tell you about singleness (and even marriage) is pure bunk, and they have no biblical basis for the things they spout off about it.

  6. kellybarta14

    Posted by kellybarta14 on June 8, 2015 at 18:24

    This has been on my mind lately…. What a coincedence! Haha, so I have a piggy back question of this.

    How come guys often turn to girls who are jerks, or just girls who aren’t nice people? But often turn away from nice girls like me and my friends? Is this a national problem or just in my school and area?

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by christianpundit on June 10, 2015 at 18:44

      I don’t think that it’s that boys or men prefer mean girls or mean women to nice ones, but often, what passes for “nice” in Christian culture is actually codependent (doormat, submissive, passive, wimpy) behavior.

      Many of the girls or women you interpret as being mean or pushy are actually probably just bold, direct, and assertive. And there is nothing wrong with women having those traits.

      Being bold, direct, and assertive is usually strongly discouraged in girls and women in secular culture, but especially among most Christians.

      You might want to read the book (by Christian authors) entitled “No More Christian Nice Girl.” It’s writtten by Degler and Coughlin. (That book even has a chapter about dating.)

      Being a decent Christian girl or woman does not mean being passive, quiet, too sweet, naive, submissive, and being an un-assertive doormat (all of which is taught under a Christian teaching called “gender complementarianism” or “biblical womanhood). Visit the site Junia Project for more about that, http://juniaproject.com/

      If you want to get dates, you will have to become more assertive, let the men know you are interested in them – don’t just sit there, hoping and praying God will send a boyfriend to you.

      Assertive girls and women, who have healthy self esteem, go after what they want in life. They also have good boundaries and will not allow boys or men treat them like trash.

    • LucyPevensie1

      Posted by LucyPevensie1 on June 9, 2015 at 12:12

      It’s a national problem! I’ve heard of this happening too many times!