“Help! I Really Like Him, But He Likes Someone Else!”

    Okay, I’m providing a bit of backstory to make it easier to understand if you ever do answer this. SO! Five months ago, my friend, K.M., started telling me about this new, awesome Christian guy at her school and she’d been telling him about me. A few weeks later, she showed him a picture of me and me a picture of him, and we realized we used to go to the same church (the one I currently attend, but he left). So, she kept telling us about the other, saying we’d make a great couple in like three to five years (I’m a freshman and he’s a junior, and neither of us are looking to date even until after graduation).

    Well, we met at a dance K.M. was throwing as a fundraiser and he was hilarious to me, and he liked that I thought he was hilarious because apparently most people don’t think that, so despite my timidness, I left a good impression. Well, a couple weeks ago he invited K.M., her boyfriend and me square dancing, and by the end of the night, he seemed genuinely interested in me, and I for sure was interested in him. From what I could tell, he is exactly the kind of guy I want to marry when I’m older. But…then I was talking to K.M. and she said that he’s madly in love with this girl with probably-fatal cancer about five hours south of us who he met through online school.

    Even before I knew, I didn’t plan on really pursuing more than friendship until after I graduated or at the very least he did, assuming we still talked and I still held interest in him, but now I’m wondering if it’d be wrong to? Assuming she’s still around in two years, and based off what K.M. told me, if she’s still around he’ll still be interested in her and might even ask her out, would it be wrong to pursue him when it’d be likely he’d be pursuing her?

    Welp. That took a novel.

    Oh, girl! Sounds like way too much drama already, and you’re not even seeing this guy! My first question is related to your friend, K.M. Why would she get you all interested in this guy if she knew he was interested in another girl? Hmmmmm. Doesn’t make sense to me.

    Anyway, you mentioned that neither of you want to date until after graduation, and also that this guy is exactly the kind of guy you would like to eventually marry. Now, I’ve stated this before and I’ll do it again: Dating should be the first stage of finding your husband, so if you’re not ready to get married, you’re not ready to date. And since there’s so much confusion regarding this guy and some secret girl who he’s “madly in love with,” I would be inclined to suggest that you take a step back from this drama so you can get a good look at the situation.

    Here’s what I think you should do:

    1. Remind yourself that you’re not ready to date, and that’s based on your own standards. So getting emotionally involved right now may not be in your best interests.
    2. Get busy with your friends, activities, hobbies and school so that your mind and days are full.
    3. Don’t get caught up in boy drama, especially with your friend K.M., who may just be having fun putting herself in the middle of this mess.
    4. Focus on God and your relationship with Him. In doing so, you will understand your priority to glorify Him in everything that you do, including your future relationships.

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!


    1. Gosh, that situation sucks. I am currently in this position, actually. He’s a Christian in my youth group and he’s seriously amazing. I’ve liked him SOOO much for over two years.
      Well, he took this other girl to prom. Ouch. It kinda stung, you know, a lot. I mean, we’re not really “friends”, more like “church acquaintances”, but still, I really like him a lot and he likes someone else, obviously. Ugh, it’s frustrating, but I know that God has someone picked out specifically for me and that every little thing is gonna be alright. Hang in there, this too shall pass 🙂

    2. I really like this one guy but there is one problem, he’s my best friend. I think he likes me too but I am not sure I want to take the risk of hurting our friendship if it ends badly.

      • I had this situation with my best guy friend. I ended up getting him to tell me who he liked, and he said this other girl, so I said that I liked another of my guy friends – who I did actually like a little but not as much. We stayed best friends even though it was hard for me, and later on he started to like me and we have been together for over 4 months now. Just step out and talk to him about it. Something great may come of it!

        • I had something like that too. Except the only thing was that he had actually liked me first for a little while, but I didn’t know that until we became best friends. After that I started having feelings for him and I have actually told him that before, but he likes another girl. So it is just a kind of awkward relationship now, but thankfully we are still friends.

    3. my boyfriends friend likes me and don’t know what to do should i confront him your tell my boyfriend but the think is i don’t want him to lose a friend over me what do i do?

    4. So, I feel like I don’t have many real friends, right now. My former best friend found a new one and hardly talks to me anymore, but I always had another friend. Recently, I thought “she is my best friend now” because we can talk about anything and everything and have God talks, too. Recently, though she has been ignoring my texts almost completely and she will tell me she is busy, but hangs out with her boyfriend, instead. I know because she is my next door neighbor and I always see him over there. We used to hang out, her boyfriend, her, and me, and I didn’t mind because I was still included and we had fun together. Now its only them two and they spend WAY too much time together. I want to confront her about it, but don’t want her to get angry and shut me out even more. What should I do? And how can I build a solid relationship with new people I meet so I can meet more friends?

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