“Help! I Struggle With Lust. How Do I Stop?”

    Dear Olivia,

    Thank you so much for looking at this. This is hard for me to talk about, but I’m going to try my best to do so. This isn’t about guys, drugs, alcohol, etc., this is about sexual morality. Okay, so you walk around and hear all about how guys are visual and that’s that…but in today’s society it is becoming acceptable to allow that to happen. But what about girls? We can look at the same things. We can be just as unpure as guys. For me, this is a HUGE struggle. I am tempted every day and that is the problem. I feel I can’t talk about it because it is so unrealistic for a girl to struggle with that.

    How can I be a girl who can love and not lust? How do I get past this and get closer to God?

    These are some of the questions that I think every day…because the devil tells me I AM NOT WORTHY. I am not able to be forgiven. God can’t possibly love someone who did that. And I let myself believe him. He compromises me every day. He wins.

    I guess my question is: How do I as a sinner get out of this pit I’ve dug for myself?

    Hey girl, thanks so much for your question. And it’s a great question.

    We often wrongly believe that only boys lust. Well, that’s completely false. Girls struggle with lust often and it’s an emotion often strengthened by pop culture. Our society is so sexualized. Our movies, television programs, fiction and other forms of media are constantly bombarding us with immoral living, and celebrating it. It’s not an easy world to live in, that’s for sure. But it’s not impossible. Nothing is impossible with God. And that’s the point!

    Yes, girls do lust. And the rules that apply to boys also apply to girls. Stay away from it all.


    I will not set before my eyes
    anything that is base.
    I hate the work of those who fall away;
    it shall not cling to me. (Psalm 101:3)


    As for Satan, I urge you not to allow evil to dictate your thoughts. It’s a dangerous position to put yourself in. You know God’s Truth. You have to know, because you know that Satan is lying. So, why are you listening to him? You know he’s trying to destroy you. You know that God is stronger. The reality is that you decide who you should listen to, and you have the strength and the will to follow one over the other. Why pick Satan when God wants to build you up and guide you to heaven?

    So, here’s what I think you should do:

    1. Decide who’s guiding you in your life. Who are you going to listen to? If you choose God, then shut Satan out. Ignore him. Every time you allow his word to interrupt your thoughts, call out to Jesus. Speak over Satan to the Lord and block the evil out. Every time Satan tries to speak, allow that to prompt a conversation with the Lord.
    2. Read “7 Truths About Lust” if you haven’t already. I really think that this will help you put things in better perspective. The comments below are also a great reminder that you’re not alone in struggling with lust. But that doesn’t give you permission to continue with it.
    3. Turn away from all the things that cause you to lust. You have a responsibility to control yourself. Control what you’re looking at, whether it’s the type of shows or movies you’re watching or the kind of books you’re reading. Stay away from people who cause you to stumble.
    4. Find strength in the Lord. I’m sure you’re familiar with 1 Corinthians 10:13. Reread it and remind yourself again that you’re not alone, and also that with God, you can overcome all temptation.

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!


    1. Nope, you are not alone! I’ve been struggling with similar issues, thank you for this.

      Although mine is specifically with my boyfriend… we’ve gotten more physical and it’s starting to hinder my mind, my relationship with God, etc. How do I bring up this conversation? We’ve always been able to talk about things, but bringing up sin like this just feels incredibly tough. Any advice/encouragement?

      • Hey there Lydia! First of all your name is absolutely beautiful and cool. Secondly, I am so happy and glad that you’re recognizing sin in your life and want it uprooted. I have some questions I want you to ask yourself:

        1. Is my boyfriend a disciple running hard after Jesus and what evidence is there to support his claim to Christ?

        If he is a Christian only in name and not in deed than run (2nd Corinthians 6:14).

        2. Do I have strong, godly females in my life that will hold me accountable, meaning, ask me tough questions, call me out, counsel me from the Scripture, and pray for me?

        If not a small group of strong Christ centered women will most certainly help you and you will be able to help them (Proverbs 15:22)You were never supposed to do this walk on your own, it’s hard, I’ve tried (Genesis 2:18).
        Also, friends who love Jesus will love you, and will tell you from the Scriptures when what you’re doing is wrong and hurting you. As you already know, a bad friend tells you what you want to hear. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend; deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.” Proverbs 27:6.
        3. How can I learn my Bible better on this particular subject?

        This will help you so much! When you get together with your group of women and study what God says about relationships, sex, marriage, and purity, you will know His heart! How awesome is that?! 2nd Timothy 3:14-17.
        I hope that helped you!

    2. I think you should be honest with someone who you have confidence with maybe a spiritual leader or family member that gives you advice and guides you. if you start telling your friends its not the same and usually they let you have your way but if you have someone who cares more about your spiritual life than what they feel about you that would be a wise desicion to make it’s helped me out a lot and trust me God has helped me but it’s about community and trusting God.

    3. Lust is a part of life. Doesn’t make it right or something you just accept. But when you are a teen and an adult (male or female) you are going to be attracted to people. But there is a line between looking at a person and saying ‘dang, that person is attractive’ and staring at them with your mouth open.

    4. I would argue that it’s also important to determine whether you’re feeling lust or sexual attraction. The truth is being attracted to someone, looking at them and going ‘dang that’s a nice body’ is part of being a human and served a practical purpose when the important thing was surviving as a species. It’s not bad. Lust is just when you dwell on it. Oftentimes churches don’t teach that, so it’s something you need to learn.

    5. Sexuality is a natural part of human nature and nothing to be ashamed about or worried about. It’s not evil, it’s not ‘immoral’. You do with your own body what you want, but be safe. As long as you have safe and consensual sex, there’s nothing wrong with it. Think about it rationally.

      • This is a Christian site and as it is normal to be attracted to the opposite sex. We believe going beyond that physically or mentally is sin outside of marriage.It’s called fornication and there is no thing as safe sex. Abstinence and purity are key for any girl because it’s biblical and the best way to live your life. Besides sex outside of marriage causes a whole host of problems that most young girls are not equip to deal with.

        God Bless

    6. Hello, so my question to you is how do I build a better relationship with Jesus Christ? My relationship with him isn’t as strong as it should be or at least to me it isn’t. I’ve grown up in the Christian faith all my life and I’ve just now started praying and reading the bible, which is probably really bad and I should of done it a long time ago… so there’s my question and a little bit about myself, hopefully someone will answer. Thank you. 🙂
      (I’m new to this site and I don’t quite know where to leave my questions at.)

      • Welcome Paige! My advice would be to dig into Christian things. Especially praying and reading which I’m glad to hear you’ve started doing. The important thing is to get to know God personally.Make your prayers intimate and profound with God,talk to him openly,see him as your friend or loving Father. Get involved in church,listen and engage in wholesome Christian entertainment. In conclusion just dig in like you never have before. God will do the rest.

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