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Help! I’m Falling for My Teacher! I Know It’s Wrong, But How Do I Cope?

So I can feel myself falling for this guy, but there’s a problem. And a big one at that. He’s 29, I’m only 17. I don’t know how or why, but I can feel it. I graduate next spring and I’ll be leaving my hometown. And the thing is it’s hard to see the age gap. It’s not just that he’s not a high schooler, but more that I act like an adult, and I almost think that if I were, say, 5 to 10 years older, maybe, just maybe, I’d be getting asked out on a date soon. I know I can’t do anything about this. I can’t pursue it for more reasons than the 12-year gap. He’s a teacher, too. It’s so hard because he’s such a strong Christian guy…. I need to get over these feelings I’m getting because I know there’s nowhere they can go, not now at least, unless God brings us together in a few years. Any tips on what I can do about this? I’d love some insight.

Hey, girl! Thanks for the question. You wrote, “I can’t pursue it for more reasons than the 12-year gap,” so I’m going to base my response on the assumption that this guy is your teacher and you have a crush on him. It’s the old cliché, I’m afraid! It happens all the time, but it’s just not right, and I think you already know that, otherwise you wouldn’t be asking me. And I’m not even referring to the age gap or the fact that he would definitely get in trouble for getting involved with an underage student, no matter what the circumstances of your relationship.

I’m not going to go on about why this relationship would be wrong, but you did write that maybe you’d be getting asked on a date, which causes me some concern. I’m hoping that the two of you are not flirting or anything. Your teacher has a responsibility to maintain a responsible and trustworthy relationship with his students and anything more than that is a violation of his position as a teacher.

So, here’s what I think you should do:

  1. You and your teacher both have a responsibility to behave appropriately, but since I can’t direct my suggestions to him, I’ll direct them to you. If you care about this man, take a giant step back! Seriously! Way back!
  2. Don’t put your teacher in an uncomfortable and possibly job-hindering position. Act like his student. Don’t give him any indication that you have feelings for him and don’t try to get him to have feelings for you.
  3. Pray! 1 Corinthians 10:13 is clear in its teaching when it states that “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” This means that it is possible to endure and overcome this with God’s help.
  4. Remember that you’re a Christian girl, who holds Christ above all else, including this desire you have. So don’t allow your emotions for this guy to consume you.

Good luck and God bless!

Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

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3 Comments

  1. the_stasia_bug

    Posted by the_stasia_bug on July 17, 2014 at 20:52

    My parents have a 12 year age gap. (Really close to 12 years, 11 years and 8 months)

    I know it’s inappropriate because of the student/teacher relationship, but I would say so because of the age : )

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by Cinderella1800 on July 17, 2014 at 19:03

    Dear Olivia,
    I’m the oldest of a large family and have been blessed with a gorgeous sister who just graduated eighth grade. She’s always been the “pretty sister”, the one the boys swoon for and who had 3 marriage proposals before age seven. Now she’s the one who gets asked out quite often, and is in a “kinda” relationship with a boy because she isn’t allowed to date. (My parents are aware and approve.) As an upper classman high school it’s hard not to be jealous of the attention she receives. Even guys in my grade have commented on how beautiful she has become. I’m painfully boyfriendless, admireless, and crushless. For the most part, I’m content with that. But sometimes when my younger brothers make innocent comments about my sisters “success” with boys and my failures, it stings a bit. I don’t want something so silly to bridge a gap between my dear sis and I, but I can’t help feeling like the ugly sister. Any advice on how to keep a level head, clear mind and healthy relationship with my “pretty sister?”

    • May All Your Bacon Burn

      Posted by May All Your Bacon Burn on July 18, 2014 at 11:07

      Hi there 🙂 I know I’m not Olivia, but I kind of understand where you’re coming from. I’m the younger sister, but my older sister (two years older than me) is the “younger sister” in your life–outrageously beautiful, and even though she denies it a lot of guys swooned over her both in her grade and mine. On top of that she’s sporty, thin, and knows what to say when to say it…then you come to me, the large (albeit shrinking), awkward potato. There has been many a time where I can guiltily say I’ve been envious of her, and as all younger sisters do I wanted to be just like her–only to fall as short as the 15-foot pole that anyone would dare poke me with.

      And really, it’s not worth stressing about. We’re all beautiful in God’s eyes, and he made us beautiful in many different ways. Maybe the people at your school have an idea about beauty that falls more in line with how your sister is, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only form of beauty. At every point in your life–at college, the workplace, essentially everywhere–you’ll come across new people who have different ideas about beauty, and along the way you’ll find someone who loves you for all of your own, personal beauty; inside and out. Rather than being envious of your sister’s beauty, it’s much healthier (both in a physical sense, and in the sense of yours and your sister’s relationship) to find your own beauty and embrace it for what it’s worth~

      Along with that, you might be surprised to find that your sister may actually be envious of who you are. I only found out just recently that all of those years I spent being jealous of her looks and ability, my sister was the same way about me. It drove her nuts that I was able to help her with her math homework, and that I had a much larger vocabulary. I was envious of her music ability, but she was envious of how I could write a good song with my true emotions and feelings. I was envious of how she could speak her mind without a problem, while she was envious of how I could keep my thoughts to myself even at the worst of times. I hated how she could get all the guys she wanted without even trying, and she hated how people show their true colors around me from the start–making it easier for me to see if they’re worth dating or not. We both saw the other as perfect and wanted to be more like the other.

      And overall, the envy wasn’t worth it. If the Lord wanted us to have these traits that the other had, he would have given them to us in the first place. The same goes for you. I bet you’re an awesome person, and that God gave you traits all your own that make you awesome. Embrace them! And the first step to that is accepting that God made you /you/ 🙂

      I hope I was able to help some. Sorry if it’s odd or doesn’t make sense or doesn’t quite answer your question ^^”