“Help! I’m Jealous of My Boyfriend’s Friend!”
Written by Aysha Ives | September 5, 2013
My boyfriend is really close friends with another girl and I’m jealous! I’m not concerned that she will “replace” me or anything, but I hate that I have to share my boyfriend with her. Every time he mentions that I should become friends with her too, I get very irritated and begin to think, “No way!” I know that I’m not behaving in a very loving way and I try to pray for her, but I just don’t like her friendship with my boyfriend! What should I do?
Managing relationships can be quite difficult because two imperfect people are trying to create one relationship. Things get even trickier because both parties are connected to other people, which can create even bigger problems! So what do you do when jealousy rears its head? Here are some suggestions:
- Pray. The Bible is clear that God wants His people to show the love of Christ to everyone and to avoid being envious or jealous of others. It’s important that you pray and ask God to remove whatever it is that’s causing the jealousy.
- Don’t be afraid to discuss the issue with your boyfriend. It’s important to be honest with your boyfriend and for the two of you to set boundaries you’re both comfortable with. It’s probably not a good idea to give him an ultimatum because that could negatively impact your relationship. However, setting limits that you both can live with is advisable.
- Do some self-reflection! Understanding what is the root cause of the jealousy will really help with managing it. If sharing your boyfriend with others in a non-romantic way is something that bothers you, perhaps there are other underlying issues that you’re struggling with. It could be that others have abandoned you in the past, perhaps it’s that you need more attention for various reasons, or it could be a subconscious fear that your boyfriend may be attracted to his friend. Whatever the issue is, it’s important for you to figure it out so that you can work through the jealousy.
- Love YOURSELF! We’re all imperfect people and we all have things that God wants us to change! Don’t be too hard on yourself regarding this experience. Remind yourself of how GREAT you are and an amazing thing will begin to happen: When you love God as well as yourself (because you’re His wonderful creation), that agape love will begin to pour out onto others…even you boyfriend’s friend!
- Ask God for revelation. Ask God to allow you to see your boyfriend’s friend the way that God sees her! Often when we’re able to see others from a divine perspective, we’re able to see the “person” beneath the exterior. The Holy Spirit will reveal to you what it is that you need to see so that you can relinquish the jealousy and dislike of her. Who knows, your boyfriend may be assigned to this young lady for some reason and God would want you to support that mission!
What do you girls think? Have you ever been in this situation? What did you do?