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  • Relationships
  • News From Nicole

    “Help! My Boyfriend and I Do Nothing but Fight These Days! I’m So Stressed!”

    My boyfriend and I have been together for six months and we live half an hour away from each other. Everything in the relationship was going great until about a month ago, when we had our first fight. I can’t remember what it was about because it ended so quickly, but ever since then, fighting has become more [frequent]. We always have a blast together in person, but communicating through texts isn’t very healthy. The past week we have done nothing but fight. I have three best friends who mean the world to me, and he even yelled at one of my friends. It’s gotten to the point where my friends despise him and want me to break up with him. They know he’s upset me and hurt me (emotionally/verbally). I have seriously considered ending our relationship, but I can’t bring myself to do it! He’s also become crazy clingy, and even more. He is the first guy I have loved like this, but things just keep getting worse and I’m always stressed. Help!

    The key to a successful relationship is communication, and sorry, but texting is not communication. Tone really can’t be recognized in a text message, no matter what graphic you send along with it. Listen, text messaging is fine when it comes to a quick yes-or-no question, but having important discussions should be reserved for an actual conversation on the phone or face-to-face.

    I can’t tell you what to do about your boyfriend. I think I’ve been pretty clear in previous posts about my feelings regarding dating, and that you should only be dating someone you see as a future husband. So let’s assume that this is the case for you and your guy.

    People often say that all couples argue and that arguing is healthy, but that’s not true. Couples disagree about things, and disagreeing is different from arguing. You wrote that he yelled at your friend and has been verbally abusive to you. Well, if this is the case, you need to decide whether this is the kind of marriage you want to have.

    Once a couple crosses a line in their communication, such as arguing, being verbally abusive or yelling, it’s easy to turn this behavior into a norm and then take it to the next line—which would be what? There has to be self-control in a relationship, and no matter how long you and your future husband (or husband) have been together, there should always be boundaries that you would never cross. You should always treat each other with love, respect and kindness, even when you’re discussing stuff you don’t agree on. It’s not an easy thing to do, but with self-control, prayer and moral support, you should be able to achieve success in that area of your marriage.

    So here’s what I think you should do:

    1. Speak face-to-face with your guy and find out what’s going on with him. He may have other concerns that are affecting your relationship, or maybe he’s having direct concerns with your relationship. You need to find out what’s going on in order to move on, with or without him.
    2. Don’t use texting as your primary mode of communication. Messages can easily be misunderstood. And this is particularly relevant when it comes to discussing important issues.
    3. Pray. Anything you do in your life should include God. Allow Him to guide you in your current relationship. If you decide that this guy isn’t the right one for you, you do need to find the strength to call it off.

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!

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