“Help! The Guy I Like Wants Me to Compromise My Purity.”

    I came across someone I dated over eight years ago, and we were talking [about] maybe [giving] it a final chance…until he [asked] if I was willing to compromise my promise made to God and myself that I will not have sex until after marriage, and that I will not live with a man until I am married…. I said NO, because those two things are not up for compromise or change. Was I correct in telling him that? Well, after that conversation, I have not spoken to him and he has not tried to reach out to me, either.

    No way! Seriously? Girl, you are 100 percent correct in telling him that! I can’t believe he actually asked that of you.

    I mean, if he’s asking you to do this, after knowing how important it is to you, what else will he ask you to compromise? For Christians, our value system is a product of our faith. And our faith defines who we are, and he’s asking you to compromise that?

    As Christians, there is no compromise. Not when your beliefs are founded upon the Word. Jesus Himself said in John 14:15, “If you love me, you will keep my commandments.”

    I actually think it’s a good thing that this guy hasn’t tried to reach out to you. Now you don’t have to tell him that you’re no longer interested in pursuing a relationship. Because any guy who asks you to compromise the most important values of your faith is really not the guy for you or anyone who’s trying to strengthen their devotion to Him. Any guy you date should be a candidate for a husband, and one of his qualities as a true Christian should be to help strengthen your relationship with God, and vice versa. This guy sounds like the complete opposite. It sounds like his intentions are far from Christian and his response to your “no” is pretty evident.

    So this is what I suggest you do:

    1. You have to decide who is more important to you, your guy or God. Seriously! It’s as simple as that! Whom do you want to please? At the end of the day, Christians are called to follow and please Christ. And in following Christ, we are called to be pure and chaste before marriage.
    2. Reaffirm your vows with God. Remind yourself of all the reasons why you decided to remain pure and not live with a guy before marriage. This won’t be the first time you will be challenged on this decision. Friends, relatives and others will likely question you about your beliefs. But you have to stay true to them and hold strong for Christ.
    3. Read the many posts we have here on PI about purity, including Couple Inspires Prayer and Purity When Wedding Picture Goes Viral!What Do Christian Guys Really Think About Sexual Purity? and How to Stay True to Your Convictions.
    4. Read a past post I wrote titled “I Think I’ve Found ‘The One.’ Is It Okay to Move in Together?”
    5. Read your Bible. It offers everything you need to know about living a Christian life.
    6. Pray for God’s strength. You can endure everything and anything with God on your side. Please remember that. So hold strong, girl! Your guy will come and he will never ask you to compromise on the things that are most important to you, especially your faith.

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

    Ask Olivia
    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!


    1. “For Christians, our value system is a product of our faith.”
      Yes!! Thank you for that statement (off-topic, I know). I’ve been reading Desiring God by John Piper, and I realize that our value systems aren’t what make our Christianity, it’s our faith in and love for God. Faith and love > rules and religion

      On-topic, about the article, I love it!! We should never compromise our purity or our Christian values for anyone. If there are any girls out there whose significant others require you to give up obeying God for them, just ask yourself, “Who is greater? God, or this guy?” The answer is simple, but it’s a lot harder to put into practice. Trust me. Just have faith in God!!! He will bring you out of this temptation and away from these people that try to use you and ask you to put aside your values.

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