Here’s Why You Aren’t Getting That Second Date
Written by Phylicia Masonheimer | February 10, 2018
You’ve been on a few dates. The problem? All of them were first dates. For some unknown reason, each date you go on fizzles out shortly afterward, never resulting in a follow-up outing. What gives?
Getting from first date to second sounds simple, but if the first outing doesn’t go well, there’s a good chance you’ll get ghosted. But unless you know why this keeps happening, you can’t do anything to change it!
No one can peer into your individual situation, and there are many factors that can contribute to a string of one-date wonders. In some cases, it’s completely the guy’s fault. Even so, it’s still worth considering your own first-date actions to make sure you’re not committing any of the following faux pas.
1. Complaining about your ex.
Most girls who complain about their ex on a date have no idea they’re doing it. They’re so accustomed to thinking about their ex’s awful behavior, they don’t notice when the words actually come out of their mouths! But talking about an ex this early in a relationship is a big dating no-no. It sends the message that you’re not emotionally ready for a new relationship.
If you need to process your past relationship, do so with your friends—not with your brand-new date. Use the first date as an opportunity to learn about him and to share the positive parts of your life, not relationship baggage.
2. Excessive “follow-up” after the first date
After the date, it’s perfectly acceptable to send a quick “thank you” text and tell the date what a great time you had (if you did, in fact, have a great time). But following up frequently over the next few days can come off as desperate and excessive. Follow his lead; if he texts or calls you back, respond. But take your time. There is no rush, and nothing is lost if you wait a few hours to reply.
Letting the guy set the tone for post-date conversation tells you what he’s feeling about having future dates. If you don’t hear from him, he’s probably not interested. Rather than pry a reply out of him, wait for someone who is interested in you.
3. Oversharing about your personal life
The first date is supposed to be fun, and while you should always be genuine and “real,” it’s possible to be both authentic and discerning. There are some things that just should not be shared early on in a relationship. There are some things that should wait until the fifth, sixth or tenth date before you tell them to another person. Trust must be built, and that takes time.
Girls who share everything about their last relationship, their troubles with mom or their problems at work burden a first date with a level of seriousness it cannot yet handle. It can also make you come off as a complainer or someone who has trouble with relationships in general. So use discernment in what you share, and concentrate on building trust and simply enjoying the date itself.
4. It’s just not the right time.
While it IS possible to drive away a guy before the second date, that’s not always the case. Sometimes the fact you’re not getting asked on a second date has nothing to do with you. We must remember there is a second party involved in this scenario: the guy! And if he’s not interested, feels out of your league or has his own personal struggles, he may decide a second date isn’t a good idea. That’s not a reflection on you!
While both you and he have the free will to choose in dating relationships, God uses those choices to accomplish His sovereign plan. The fact you haven’t gotten second dates doesn’t mean God has forgotten you. There will be dates in the future! In the meantime, acknowledge any areas where you need to improve, and trust God with the rest. Dating teaches us to trust the Lord and to grow in areas where we are weak. It’s not about the destination—it’s about what we learn along the way.