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How Can I Overcome Shyness?

“I’m very shy and it is sometimes quite frustrating for me. At times I struggle with making friends and participating in various activities. Would you please give me some advice on how to overcome my shyness?  Thanks!”

I’m quite sensitive about this topic because just like you, I’m also an introvert by nature. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been able to overcome my shyness; however, there are still days when the thought of doing something outgoing, like giving a speech in front of a large audience or confronting an uncomfortable situation, makes me queasy. I rely on God to help me through these difficult times!  Here are a few tips to help you conquer your shyness:

  • Ask The Holy Spirit to help you. Jesus left The Holy Spirit behind to help Christians live successful lives. He lives within you and wants to guide you in the right direction. All you have to do is ask Him for help and He WILL help you. Remember, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7).
  • Love yourself! The happier that you are with yourself, the less you’ll worry about what others think of you. When you’re no longer preoccupied with how your peers perceive you, it’ll probably become easier for you to overcome your shyness. Your perception of yourself should be formed by your obedience to God, your respect for your parents, and your own self love. Believe it or not, the more that you love yourself, the more that you’ll draw people who love and value you into your life. They’ll see your shining light and be drawn to you like a magnet!
  • Renew your thinking. I teach this very powerful spiritual principle to the young people who I work with every day: You become the person that you believe that you’re supposed to be! The Bible says it this way “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). When you believe that you’re capable of doing extroverted things, then you’re more likely to actually do them!  That’s why I’ve eliminated the word “can’t” from my vocabulary and have replaced it with the phrase, “With God’s help I can… .” I encourage you to try the same thing.
  • Make gradual changes. Decide what you think needs fine-tuning and then commit yourself to making gradual changes in those areas. The key here is to set realistic goals that are slightly challenging but not overwhelming. For example, if your ultimate goal is to make more friends, maybe you could try a few mini goals in between. Perhaps start by making it a goal to strike up a conversation with one or two new people per day. Then try exchanging numbers with someone. When you feel comfortable, you could eventually invite a peer over after school or agree to meet him/her somewhere over the weekend. Before you know it, you’ll have a brand new friend.
  • Build your confidence! Do something every day to help build your confidence. Whether it’s doing an activity that you’re good at and praising yourself for it or reading an inspirational piece of writing aloud daily to remind yourself how great you are, make sure that you do something every single day. The more confident that you are, the less that you’ll allow your shyness to restrict you.

Shyness is a hard thing to overcome, but it can be done. I’m a living testament to that!

Image: Lightstock | HarveyMade


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  1. MinnieMolly

    Posted by MinnieMolly on April 6, 2013 at 11:17

    What if I’m only shy around my crush? Any advice there?

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by countrygal5522 on January 27, 2012 at 18:59

    Im really shy and everyone says im weird this article helped me alot 🙂

  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by AbbyLovesToDance on November 25, 2011 at 17:19

    I used to be really shy when I was little. I’m homeschooled and some public schoolers made fun of me once. And then I was shy. Im still shy around them and a few of there friends, but I decided to forgive them. And now we are becoming friends:)

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by daughteroftheking3 on August 5, 2013 at 19:41

      I’m homeschooled too! And like the question in Aysha’s post I’m extremely shy! I’ll try this advice, thanks!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by on July 27, 2012 at 06:48

      Ooh I’m homeschooled too,
      and i have also been made fun of,but i don’t mind anymore 🙂

  4. Posted by on November 18, 2011 at 10:55

    I’m very outgoing with friends and family, but no matter how hard I try and ask God to help me, I get shy when ever I’m around the guy I like…I just want to be myself!

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by emilychrissy777 on November 9, 2011 at 16:08

    i don’t think im as shy as i really do have a hard time clicking with people. if i don’t really click with people or don’t know how to start a coversation i just stay quiet

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by kkat123 on November 8, 2011 at 17:44


  7. Emily H.

    Posted by Emily H. on November 7, 2011 at 14:35

    I really need this! I really struggle with shyness, and I’ve been trying to get over that. I’m definitely gonna ask God to help me with this! <

  8. Posted by on November 7, 2011 at 12:54

    Thanks for posting this! This is extremely helpful to me! I have been shy my whole life, and still am! I am 18 years old! It’s about time I get over my shyness! My parents, brother and myself have all noticed how completely different I act at home then at school! I am a chatterbox! I just say whatever comes to mind, and can’t stop talking! At school, it’s so much different!

  9. Project Inspired

    Posted by missmichaelab on November 6, 2011 at 16:26

    Thank you so much for this article! I can be extremely shy, mainly because it can be really awkward for me to try to make conversation with people~ I’m not good with small talk most of the time. However, I know how important it is to go out of my comfort zone to talk to people, because I met my best friend only because I disregarded my discomfort. In Matthew 25:35, it says “…I was a stranger and you invited me in..” which I think is a very important passage for shy people. I know how difficult it can be for people like us to go out of our comfort zone to talk to other people, but we are called to reach out to strangers, and not always BE the stranger. Thank you again for this article, shyness is definitely something I struggle with and I need to try hard to overcome it!

  10. Posted by Nicole on November 6, 2011 at 13:57

    I absolutely ADORE this article Aysha! I wish I had this advice when I was younger and struggled with being shy! You are such a talented writer, thanks for sharing these powerful tips to overcome shyness!

  11. Posted by on November 6, 2011 at 13:37

    I think that sometimes it’s hard to reach out to meet new people in today’s world outside of church. One good way to meet people is to be funny, but when everyone around you jokes by swearing like a sailor and talking about sex and other inappropriateness, it’s hard to step in and have something to say that they’ll laugh at or enjoy. Make sure you know who you’re getting involved with before you go to become their friend, and try to make as many friends as possible at your church! That’s what churches are for, fellowship and community! i never felt alone in middle and high school because, while i only had a few real friends at school, i had many real friends at church. I was able to be fully myself at church by letting my Christianity show and being with others who truly loved Jesus and me. This is the best place to make real friends who will stick with you past the school years, and as for making lots of friends in school, be careful who you talk to. I was held back from befriending people because I knew about their reputations. What do you think?

  12. Paris

    Posted by Paris on November 5, 2011 at 22:20

    I needed this! I am one of the shyest people in the world! I hate representing the Sunday school lesson and I’ve been doing that for almost four years.

  13. Project Inspired

    Posted by Kimy on November 4, 2011 at 22:12

    this kinda Helped:)

  14. Posted by on November 4, 2011 at 21:50

    Join debate!

  15. Posted by on November 4, 2011 at 20:40

    I tend to very shy myself. Although I came to a new school last year and I kind of “broke out of my shell” 🙂 I have always had a lisp, partly genetic and partly because of all the braces I have had in my mouth for 5-7 years! Everyone thinks I’m British because of it. I always was mad that some people didn’t understand me or that when people I just met insist I’m British. But my vocal instructor opened my eyes the other day. She said maybe God saved me with the “British” part of the lisp, because so many people get made fun of for things like that. I think He wanted me to learn there was nothing wrong with me, and I think that’s how he did it. Something I’ve hated for years turns out to be good in some ways. It is confusing to write down, but I hope you get it:) I truly love God and am soo happy He made me the way I am! And with that I’ve learned not to be shy, because He made me the way I am!! 😀

  16. grace_smith15

    Posted by grace_smith15 on November 4, 2011 at 18:52

    Sometimes I have trouble thinking of topic to talk about with someone I don’t know very well… any suggestions?

  17. Project Inspired

    Posted by IamLaura on November 4, 2011 at 17:05

    I don’t think shyness is a ‘bad’ thing really. If you’re naturally quiet and not a big fan of attention, I don’t think that’s a big issue.

  18. Posted by on November 4, 2011 at 16:11

    Dear Nichole,
    I really really really wanna become a model but in descent clothes like what is modest and pleasing to God (shorts,dresses,etc)…. but I have no idea how to… you are HUGE in the modeling buisness and I am asking if you will PLEASE help me! If you email me and we can talk I will send you pics. People say I could be a model and I wanna know what you think!

    Love, Brooke (:

  19. Posted by on November 4, 2011 at 12:28

    Thanks for putting this out because I struggle with shyness too at times. Most of my friends are so outgoing and I always wonder how they can be that way.

  20. Posted by on November 4, 2011 at 12:10

    I used to be very shy because i was always self-concious about how i looked. But all that is past now that i have jesus in my heart. I was always shy especially at school, i felt like i couldnt just go up to someone and introduce myself, because i thought if i introduced myself they would look at my looks instead of who i was inside. So for all the girls out there that are shy, i want you to introduce yourslf to one new person everyday and youll see the difference. That helped me overcome my shyness. Oh, and God, helped me through all of it. So now i know that with Jesus in my heart i can do anything.

  21. Posted by on November 4, 2011 at 12:09

    I struggle so much with this! It really can make life hard!

  22. I

    Posted by I on November 4, 2011 at 11:53

    I used to be extremely shy, I still am shy sometimes but I’m not as bad as I used to be. With God’s help anything’s possible :)Just ask him to give you the strength to overcome your fears.

  23. Posted by on November 4, 2011 at 11:48

    Wow, this article has helped me soo much! I am a VERY shy person and get made fun of even sometimes by my friends. Ive been trying to believe in myself more and this just helped me to progress by a larger amount. Thank you SO much for taking the time to write this. God bless you all <3