How Can I Overcome Shyness?

    “I’m very shy and it is sometimes quite frustrating for me. At times I struggle with making friends and participating in various activities. Would you please give me some advice on how to overcome my shyness?  Thanks!”

    I’m quite sensitive about this topic because just like you, I’m also an introvert by nature. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve been able to overcome my shyness; however, there are still days when the thought of doing something outgoing, like giving a speech in front of a large audience or confronting an uncomfortable situation, makes me queasy. I rely on God to help me through these difficult times!  Here are a few tips to help you conquer your shyness:

    • Ask The Holy Spirit to help you. Jesus left The Holy Spirit behind to help Christians live successful lives. He lives within you and wants to guide you in the right direction. All you have to do is ask Him for help and He WILL help you. Remember, “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline” (2 Timothy 1:7).
    • Love yourself! The happier that you are with yourself, the less you’ll worry about what others think of you. When you’re no longer preoccupied with how your peers perceive you, it’ll probably become easier for you to overcome your shyness. Your perception of yourself should be formed by your obedience to God, your respect for your parents, and your own self love. Believe it or not, the more that you love yourself, the more that you’ll draw people who love and value you into your life. They’ll see your shining light and be drawn to you like a magnet!
    • Renew your thinking. I teach this very powerful spiritual principle to the young people who I work with every day: You become the person that you believe that you’re supposed to be! The Bible says it this way “For as he thinks in his heart, so is he” (Proverbs 23:7). When you believe that you’re capable of doing extroverted things, then you’re more likely to actually do them!  That’s why I’ve eliminated the word “can’t” from my vocabulary and have replaced it with the phrase, “With God’s help I can… .” I encourage you to try the same thing.
    • Make gradual changes. Decide what you think needs fine-tuning and then commit yourself to making gradual changes in those areas. The key here is to set realistic goals that are slightly challenging but not overwhelming. For example, if your ultimate goal is to make more friends, maybe you could try a few mini goals in between. Perhaps start by making it a goal to strike up a conversation with one or two new people per day. Then try exchanging numbers with someone. When you feel comfortable, you could eventually invite a peer over after school or agree to meet him/her somewhere over the weekend. Before you know it, you’ll have a brand new friend.
    • Build your confidence! Do something every day to help build your confidence. Whether it’s doing an activity that you’re good at and praising yourself for it or reading an inspirational piece of writing aloud daily to remind yourself how great you are, make sure that you do something every single day. The more confident that you are, the less that you’ll allow your shyness to restrict you.

    Shyness is a hard thing to overcome, but it can be done. I’m a living testament to that!

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. Wow, this article has helped me soo much! I am a VERY shy person and get made fun of even sometimes by my friends. Ive been trying to believe in myself more and this just helped me to progress by a larger amount. Thank you SO much for taking the time to write this. God bless you all <3

    2. I used to be very shy because i was always self-concious about how i looked. But all that is past now that i have jesus in my heart. I was always shy especially at school, i felt like i couldnt just go up to someone and introduce myself, because i thought if i introduced myself they would look at my looks instead of who i was inside. So for all the girls out there that are shy, i want you to introduce yourslf to one new person everyday and youll see the difference. That helped me overcome my shyness. Oh, and God, helped me through all of it. So now i know that with Jesus in my heart i can do anything.

    3. Dear Nichole,
      I really really really wanna become a model but in descent clothes like what is modest and pleasing to God (shorts,dresses,etc)…. but I have no idea how to… you are HUGE in the modeling buisness and I am asking if you will PLEASE help me! If you email me and we can talk I will send you pics. People say I could be a model and I wanna know what you think!

      Love, Brooke (:

    4. I tend to very shy myself. Although I came to a new school last year and I kind of “broke out of my shell” 🙂 I have always had a lisp, partly genetic and partly because of all the braces I have had in my mouth for 5-7 years! Everyone thinks I’m British because of it. I always was mad that some people didn’t understand me or that when people I just met insist I’m British. But my vocal instructor opened my eyes the other day. She said maybe God saved me with the “British” part of the lisp, because so many people get made fun of for things like that. I think He wanted me to learn there was nothing wrong with me, and I think that’s how he did it. Something I’ve hated for years turns out to be good in some ways. It is confusing to write down, but I hope you get it:) I truly love God and am soo happy He made me the way I am! And with that I’ve learned not to be shy, because He made me the way I am!! 😀

    5. I think that sometimes it’s hard to reach out to meet new people in today’s world outside of church. One good way to meet people is to be funny, but when everyone around you jokes by swearing like a sailor and talking about sex and other inappropriateness, it’s hard to step in and have something to say that they’ll laugh at or enjoy. Make sure you know who you’re getting involved with before you go to become their friend, and try to make as many friends as possible at your church! That’s what churches are for, fellowship and community! i never felt alone in middle and high school because, while i only had a few real friends at school, i had many real friends at church. I was able to be fully myself at church by letting my Christianity show and being with others who truly loved Jesus and me. This is the best place to make real friends who will stick with you past the school years, and as for making lots of friends in school, be careful who you talk to. I was held back from befriending people because I knew about their reputations. What do you think?

    6. I absolutely ADORE this article Aysha! I wish I had this advice when I was younger and struggled with being shy! You are such a talented writer, thanks for sharing these powerful tips to overcome shyness!

    7. Thank you so much for this article! I can be extremely shy, mainly because it can be really awkward for me to try to make conversation with people~ I’m not good with small talk most of the time. However, I know how important it is to go out of my comfort zone to talk to people, because I met my best friend only because I disregarded my discomfort. In Matthew 25:35, it says “…I was a stranger and you invited me in..” which I think is a very important passage for shy people. I know how difficult it can be for people like us to go out of our comfort zone to talk to other people, but we are called to reach out to strangers, and not always BE the stranger. Thank you again for this article, shyness is definitely something I struggle with and I need to try hard to overcome it!

    8. Thanks for posting this! This is extremely helpful to me! I have been shy my whole life, and still am! I am 18 years old! It’s about time I get over my shyness! My parents, brother and myself have all noticed how completely different I act at home then at school! I am a chatterbox! I just say whatever comes to mind, and can’t stop talking! At school, it’s so much different!

    9. I used to be really shy when I was little. I’m homeschooled and some public schoolers made fun of me once. And then I was shy. Im still shy around them and a few of there friends, but I decided to forgive them. And now we are becoming friends:)

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