“How Can I Talk More to the Guy I Like?”

    I get nervous when I’m around this guy that I like a lot and I’m not really sure what to do! I don’t want to look goofy or overly infatuated with him when he’s around so I don’t talk to him a lot. The problem is that I end up looking completely uninterested! So what do I do?

    Interacting with the guy you like can be pretty tricky! When you’re shy or when flirting doesn’t come naturally, it can be particularly hard to balance whether you appear overly interested or completely disinterested. Here are a few tips that might help!

    • Remember that he’s just a person! When interacting with guys, one thing that’s important to remember is that they’re really not that different from you. Although guys and girls are motivated by different things, when it comes down to it, we’re ALL human! When you remember that he’s just another human being who God created, then it becomes easier to talk to him!
    • Rejection is a myth. Keep in mind that rejection only has the value that you place on it! This means that rejection is only as real as you perceive it to be. If your crush discovers that you like him and he isn’t interested in building a relationship, then a few things can happen. You can tell yourself that you’re an awful person and that’s why he isn’t interested. You could also tell yourself that he’s an awful person and doesn’t know what he’s missing. OR you could remind yourself that you’re just different people and the relationship isn’t meant to be because God plans to send someone more suited for you! Once you have the mindset that “rejection” only means that someone or something better is on the way, then it won’t be so hard to talk to potential boyfriends!
    • Be intentional about starting a conversation. It’s going to be hard to form a relationship if there is no conversation. Try choosing a specific topic to talk about with your crush so that it moves past the occasional “Hi.” Also, try asking open-ended question (for example, “Great shirt! Where did you get it?”) because open-ended questions require a response and can be great conversation starters!       
    • Try a group outing. Organize a group outing with a couple of your friends and invite him to come along. Make sure the group stays small so that you can have ample opportunity to talk to him. This is a great way to be able to casually talk to your crush. If you’re too shy to invite him by yourself, grab a buddy and approach him together; just be sure that YOU do the talking. Not only will you have invited him along to a great outing, but you’ll have also managed to TALK to him in the process!
    • Stay focused on God! When you choose to date or court, don’t lose sight of God in the process. Make time for GOD ever single day because relationships outside of Him won’t prosper anyway!

    What do you girls think? Are you shy around your crushes? What other suggestions do you have?

    Aysha Ives
    Aysha Ives loves God with her whole heart and has a desire to help hurting people. With a Masters Degree in Psychology, she combines her education and experience with her love for God to help people live whole and fulfilled lives. Aysha is an Author, Mental Health Provider, Youth Church Teacher, and the mother of one gifted little boy whom she absolutely adores. Aysha is honored to be able to share her love of God with Project Inspired readers. Aysha is also the author of God Cares About Your Stuff: How To Believe For Tomorrow When Things Look Utterly, Completely, And Totally Impossible Today, released February 2013- Available at Amazon.


    1. I’m very shy around my crush! I have only talked to him a tiny bit and when I have I like rush a lot so I don’t even know if he knows what I said. But I was really wanting to go talk to him this weekend but I was really worried about it because I’ve never really had a good conversation with him. I really needed to read this today! Thank you for posting this! This has given me a lot of confidence about going and talking to him! Thank you!! 🙂

    2. Also don’t give in to just talking to them over Facebook or Snapchat or texting. It makes things wayyy more awkward in person. Especially when they have a quiet personality. Trust me. I know from experience. 😛

      • Same here. Though once it was long distance so I didn’t really have a choice. However I didn’t notice that once we were able to talk in person we were ALOT more comforatable just messaging too… and something else to whoever reads this. Never let the important things be said through text. An ex boyfriend of mine told me he liked me through text but when he asked me out I could see how nervous he was (he was a shy guy) and it showed me how much he cared 🙂

    3. It’s pretty easy for me to talk to my crush, since the only way I really “crushed” on him was thinking, “You know, he’s kinda cute. If he decided to like me, I wouldn’t mind at all.” And now he’s started noticing me! As in, going out of his way to talk with me, and some mild, innocent flirting. (Not dirty flirting, just “I noticed you” type flirting) I’m only 14, so I’m in no hurry, but I’m going down my “list”, and checking every single thing off. 🙂

      • That’s how my relationship is right now… not really sure how it might turn out! It can be bad though, I think way more than I wish I did about guys, totally distracting! But the kind of guy I would like in my life is one who is sure of what he stands for, and communicates what he thinks and feels in a healthy and pure way. By letting him be the one to talk to me first, I’d have more confidence knowing that he loves/likes me. And I think that that would really allow us both to point to Christ, who humbled himself totally for all of us, which is something I always want to do, but especially in a marriage. Loving how you guys suggested prayer, and Aysha mentioned Ephesians 6, putting on the full armor of God! Guys, God can totally renew these relationships, despite our culture!

    4. This helped sooo much! I already kinda knew all of these tips but just to read them and realize that they’re true has given me so much confidence. I am definitely going to try to talk to my crush more and become better friends with him.

    5. Well I talk to my crush almost all the time but we live in different towns… I facebook him, snapchat him, and text him. But ever since he found out that I liked him he has been talking to me more. Before he knew I liked him he would just stare when I’m not looking (so he thinks)… He says he doesn’t like me but his actions say different, I’m so confused what do I do?

      • Guys can be really confusing and can be afraid of commitment. I think it would be best for you two to talk it out so you can understand where he’s coming from and why he’s doing what he’s doing. He shouldn’t lead you on like that if he claims he doesn’t like you. It also doesn’t hurt to give it some prayer. 🙂 Good luck, girl!

      • You’d probably find “Real Men Don’t Text” by Ruthie and Michael Dean a helpful book too. If he really doesn’t like you, he probably just likes the attention you’re giving him and is using you to get that attention until another girl he actually likes comes along (sounds harsh, but it happens). You should stop texting him for a while to help protect your heart.

    6. Well I really like this guy but i guess he’s not interested in me we text, not all the time but sometimes but im confused because he sometimes shows that he is interested like but i know for sure he is not, i feel stupid when i text him because i know he doesn’t like me I sometimes think that is because im tall and he likes short girls im honestly trying to forget him but i cant i want to tell him but im afraid of his answer what should i do? should i keep on talking to him as friends or as a crush?

    7. This was very interesting to read. I know that girls may say that crush is super hard to talk to but i think having a crush on the pk (that stands for pastor’s kid) at my church may be a little harder. P.I girls if you could just pray that i keep my focus on God, that would be great!!!! 🙂

    8. I have a crush on a guy in my youthgroup. I want to talk to him but every time I see him I get really nervous. I think he might like me because at a pool party i went to he kept looking at me. Even when I was talking to friends. He also smiled at me a lot and flipped his hair. We also somehow always seemed to be somewhat close to each other. Before that my mom told me she saw him and said he looked happy I was going and like he liked me. I was happy around him because my mom said he looked happy I was going and looked like he liked me. Also last year we ate lunch together at school and he was looking at me, smiling, and flipping his hair then too. I thought they were signs he liked me but who knows. What do you think? I keep reflecting on all those signs (or so I think) and memories at youthgroup. This article was very helpful in reminding me he’s just another person God created. I would still like to know what you think tho. Thanks!

      • I’m glad somebody gets what I’m going through. I have a crush on a guy in my youth group too. I’m also really curious if he has a crush on me too. I think he might like like me too, cause I remember he told me once that he was afraid of most girls, but he said he liked me (as a person) . Anyway, from what you told me it’s sounds like your crush might like you, but only God knows for sure :D. I’m just glad I’m not the only girl with this problem.

      • The only way to truly know is if you pray frequently about it, that’s what i had to do with the guy I like and the more i prayed, the more he talked to me 🙂 now we talk all the time and i’m just waiting for him to make the first move. But prayer works!

    9. I like this guy in my marching band, but we’ve never talked before. We see each other every day several times because of walking through the halls, band class, and marching band. We always make eye contact and sometimes awkwardly smile at each other while we’re anywhere within looking distance, so either he thinks I’m weird, or he looks around at everyone… Ooooorrrrrrrr he likes me. I’m pretty confused. Anyone know what I should do??

      • I don’t mean to burst your bubble, but many times girls connect being friendly with flirting. He’s probably a nice guy that noticed you were in band together and smiled at you in the hallway. But if you wanted to know for sure, you should talk to him. When you start talking, you get to know so much more about each other and then he’ll show real signs if he likes you. Pray that God gives you strength to talk to him! I mean, you’re a woman of God! What’s not to like?! 🙂 Good luck, girl!
        P.S. I’m sorry if any of that sounded like I was being mean. I promise I wasn’t. 🙂

    10. I had this problem two weeks ago, before my seventh birthday, when the guy a friend of mine thought it would be oh so cute if we paired up, actually talked to me during our two family’s week vacation at the beach. I can tell you for sure it was not planned out on either sides, mine and his, that we would start talking. We just did. I was helping his dad serve dinner on our front porch and as he was sitting across eating his food, we talked of many things, even after dinner we talked while I baby sat the others kids for the adults to have a date night. Most of the conversation was animals (mostly sharks as it was shark week, har-har.) I still find it hard to believe that we talked for a full six hours! Granted, there were moments where we wouldn’t talk and just watch shows about sharks with the kids, but even that is kind of hard for me to fathom in itself. I’ve known this guy, really his family as a whole, for six years- and I think this is the second or third time we’ve talked technically by ourselves for more than just a minute to ask a question.

      Anyways, to get to the point, that day stills boggles my mind and has evoked emotions in me that I haven’t felt in a year and a half. And I’m a little afraid of it- as I let myself be guided this way at least seven times, and have gotten hurt very badly by seven boys in my life, and I refuse to go down that way again. I know, those seven times I’ve been head over heels and crushed by a guy, I did not seek after the Lord’s opinion on that to see if He wanted me to be with them. But still- my feelings for this guy have switched on and off for this guy in the past three years, I do not think these feelings I’ve had are symptoms of real love. But I would like to get to know him better- not because of these uncertain feelings but because I think after six years it’s been long over due for me to know him better as his family meets up with my family every week for Community Group. Plus, his younger brother and my best friend hang out so much- and I consider his younger brother a close friend…okay, he’s like the third or fourth person I talk to the most, so pretty close friend =P. But, again, I’m not sure what to do as he does not like to talk much, and I fear if I get to know him better then my feelings will get ahead of me like they did for three years straight…and when my relationship with God was on a low too.

      Thanks for this article Aysha =)

      • Oh my gosh I’m going through the same thing. Like do I like him, is it just that he’s cute, we never talk even though we’re family friends. And wanting to have a relationship of any kind. My advice is to just keep your eyes on God. He will tell you if it’s meant to be or not.

    11. I used to be really shy around guys I had crushes on, guys in general actually. Something happened when I hit high school and though I don’t know what exactly happened, I don’t find it hard to talk to guys whether I like them like that or not now (though when I do I’m definitely more nervous). I know this is said ALOT but a huge part is to be yourself, before high school I was always trying to be my friends. Once I started being myself guys like me more, and its not just the “like like” either, it’s just friends too.

      • The exact same thing happened to me. I used to feel so awkward around boys and they never seemed to like me but I’m in high school now and I have a bunch of guy friends. I even have some close ones.

    12. What if he’s my brothers friend and I don’t want to make things awkward between us cause I see him all the time and I don’t want it to be awkward between my brother and him? I mean I think later on when we’re both older and more mature that he would be great for me. Of course I know God is writing my love story and he has the right man picked out:)

    13. hi! we were reading it with my sis and this is totally true. The main point: stay focus on God! and pray all the time…
      so let’s keep thinking that God picked out the best one for us!
      congrats, nice post!

      • If I were you, I would just do my best to talk to him casually. Trying to get in on group conversations that he is involved in helps me a lot. Maybe later on you can start doing group events and stuff. (;

    14. This article helped me a lot. I just admitted to myself that I like this guy who is a family friend (and my family is going to the same lifegroup as his family) See, im new to my place and just moved, and he has been the nicest guy who has a strong faith in God and i fell instantly for his eyes. But the problem is, me being awkward new girl resulted to = treating him like im uninterested because i do not want to be hopelessly romantic girly girl who fell for those wonderful set of eyes.. But I had to remember, he is also a human, a creation of God who doesn’t deserve to be treated like that.. and that I need to not have a mindset of just looking for someone to date, but someone to love as a brother in Christ and be like a sister to him first wile getting to know more of him.

      Thanks for the great article, God Bless!

    15. I’ve been looking for an answer to this for a long time. I’d really appreciate some advice.

      I’m not dating right now because my parents won’t let me until I’m 16 (which isn’t too far away), but I have had a huge crush on this guy in my youth group for almost two years. It seems like he is absolutely perfect for me; we share a lot of the same interests. I’ve barely spoken to him out of the four years I’ve known him, but my feelings toward him are really strong. One problem? I’m extremely shy. I can’t even make eye contact with him without awkwardly looking away. He probably knows I like him. Also, he’s a year older than me, so he’ll graduate while I’m still in high school. I know I don’t even have a chance with him, but I can’t get over him. I know God has someone in mind for me, but I can’t help how I feel about this guy. It actually hurts me to know that I’ll never be with him. Does anyone have any advice for me? And please don’t say “get over it” because I can’t. I’ve already tried.
      If you’re still reading this, I applaud you. Thanks 🙂

      • I feel you girl. Like every time you make eye contact, you have to look away because you don’t want him to think you’re staring at him or anything. I’ve liked a guy for 5 years but one of my best friends told him I liked him, (a few years back) and I still feel so embarrassed I’ve still never talked to him in person. It’s like you can get them out of your head, but you cant get them out of your heart.

        • I encourage you to talk to him. Maybe TELL him you like him! Then he’ll be shocked and probably like you back! If you’ve know him for 4 yrs. I’d say it’s about time to start talking to him. Ask him how his day went. Where does he work? Does he drive? How does he like school? What’s his favorite color, Movie, Book,? What are his hobbies?

      • Woah!! That’s so crazy!! I’m like exactly the same way!!! He’s a year older than me and gorgeousssss!!!! haha I can’t get him out of my head. Like EVERYTHING reminds me of him. I’ve known of him for like 4 years now. But all I ever say is “hi” 😛

      • It depends how well you know him, try to be friendly: comment on his T-shirt, or ask about his school report. As a last resort just start gossiping with him, guys like gossip just like girls do, talk about your horrible math teacher or how someone is totally annoying you, if you gossip try not to be mean about it, just try to be funny with it. Good luck!

    16. I like this guy and he’s perfect one thing is that I’m scared,scared to talk to him do I get my friend to talk to him for me?he’s so cute and he has the perfect smile but I don’t know what to do. What if we are dating but he doesn’t spend time with ME instead of his friends?Do I let him hang out with his friends?i need advice.please give me some

      Applause to all the readers 🙂

      • I’ve learned from past experience that having a friend talk to him is never really the best option. Even if you are close to this friend, the relationship between you and the boy would be hanging in the balance of your friend. If you think this boy is one you want to pursue a relationship with then you should put yourself out there and go talk to him yourself. And for sure let him hang with his friends, but there should always be time for the two of you! You never want to be the clingy girlfriend who has to know everything he is doing, but always make sure he respects you and gives you the time! All in all, just remember to stay true to you!:)

    17. So I am to young to date but want to become good friends with my crush. The problem is that he is so awkward to talk to. I also understand that i am not the easiest person to talk to but it is just so awkward every time i talk to him. I think he likes me too but i’m not sure and i don’t want to ruin our friendship even more by telling him I like him. Any advice?

      • I know how hard it is to ask a guy something like that but u just got to ask him straight up, “do u like me?” If it is too hard to ask him to his face, just pass him a note. Or u could get a friend to ask him but not quite with him knowing that u want to know. And u also need to know what u would say whichever answer u get. Good luck!

      • Don’t tell him you like him, I know from experience, if you want to become friends with him telling him you like him will ruin it. It might be awkward to talk to him, but if you want to be friends you’ll have to try. Best of luck! 😀

    18. Hey guys. I’ve had a HUGE crush on a guy in band with me at my high school. It’s really annoying because: A. I don’t know why I like him; B. I’ve tried getting over him multiple times for the past two years. I just can’t help how I feel about him. It’s ridiculous. He knew I liked him at the beginning of last school year because my friends told him I liked him because I wouldn’t stop agonizing over it. Finally, this summer we became friends and joked around and laughed a lot during band camp. (And every time we made eye contact, we’d have it for like 5 seconds, and then he’d drop his gaze). Then, school started and we kept that up for a month, but now he (OF COURSE) seems to be making jokes with my other percussion friend (not like great friends… she doesn’t know that I like him). I’m just now noticing it, and I’m feeling super jealous. So… my questions are: Did he like me before? and what’s going on NOW!!!!???? I feel so lost… which is weird because before him, I had small crushes, but not major ones. BTW, Don’t worry guys, he’s christian 😉

      • Lol I totally feel you! Not all the way, but I get it, I’m in pruc. too *only for marching season, concert I’ma oboe!* but I like this trombonist, and I’m friends with his sister, I haven’t told her yet that I like her brother but that’s another story~
        However you’ve got to remember, guys can have friends who are girls too. I can be a VERY jealous person, believe me.
        It’s really hard not to feel that way when you like a guy, however it can also test your faith/trust, are you will to risk it with him by asking him why he’s talking to her like that?
        I don’t think it’s worth it.As you can tell I’m put together about this now, but it’s really hard when you see him talking to her, or other girls! You’ll get through it and don’t worry, God’s got a plan for each of us, and it’s better then we could EVER imagine!!! =]

    19. I like this guy at my college, but he’s a senior. I started liking him last semester and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried to get over him several times, but it doesn’t seem like my mind can forget him. btw he’s a christian, so no worries there. I’m a super shy introverted person and can’t talk to guys that I have a huge crush on. And when I get shy, it’s like I go into this little corner, crouch and just stay there. The good thing is that we’re both single and still friends, for the moment. I’m not sure what I should do. I have only one more semester with him before he graduates. Should I tell him how I feel? or Should I just get over him slowly?
      Some advice would be nice:)

    20. Although that helped, I have another problem. we go to a school where we are not allowed to date because we have to work together a lot, and it can get in the way. plus, he is my best friend, and I don’t want to loose that bond, but I really like him.

    21. I met a guy yesterday at a college visit. He was my guide to take me around campus and we talked a lot and he was really easy to talk to. He got my attention and I dare say my attraction. The only problem is that he goes to a secular school, he was polite (opened all the doors for me :D) and nice and funny and he didn’t swear or was vulgar in anyway. I also don’t know his name so there’s another problem.

    22. Hey guys I had the same problem. But yesterday I talked to him. I was scared to at first. then I remembered this post, don’t idolize him, remember he’s just a guys and as Nike says just do it. I assure u it will work. Thanks for the great advice.

    23. This really helps 🙂 I really like this guy at my school, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t like me back. I’m afraid to talk to him, though, because I don’t want to seem obsessed or anything, or overly interested….and also I’m afraid of getting rejected. But this post reminds me that I’m not getting rejected because I’m an awful person, I’m getting rejected because God has a special person in store for me 🙂

    24. There is a guy that I like at my school. I’ve known him since I was 6 and we know each other really well. He is a year older and he has a little sister who is one of my best friends. She says that he likes me and I think he does too. There are a million different things that I could list that suggest he likes me. The problem is that we are going to different schools now and I don’t want to lose him. Not that he’s mine but I really like him. I know that if the Lord wants us together He will make it so that we are together, but it is so hard to believe that. I just want to stay in touch.

    25. There’s this guy I started noticing at my church and I can tell he actually lives up to being Christian, he loves the Lord and wants to show it, unlike some other guys who say they are Christians yet don’t act like it. I’ve started to develop an interest in him, however I’ve never actually talked to him, just heard him talk to others since he sits near me and my family in church. However I have no idea how to start a conversation with him since he doesn’t know me. Should I just go up to him and give him a compliment like said above?

    26. So at camp this year I met this guy but since I was trying to enjoy my time at camp and strengthen my relationship with God I didn’t realize I liked him until after camp. I don’t know what to do!! The only way I would be able to keep in touch would be through Facebook, or through a friend that goes to his school. I need help from all of you pretty ladies!!

    27. Ouo I wish I could’ve seen this before… I kinda like this guy at camp, but I wanted to get to know him better first. He would always say “Hi” to me- (and wave), (And I thought he might’ve been interested…) But I never knew what else to say to him… So I hardly talked to him at all… Oh the irony.

    28. So I have known this guys family my whole life, and had a crush on him for 6 years (I am only 15 though) I don’t want to date, I want to court but since I am REALLY not ready for marriage that’s totally not an option right now.
      . We are both home-schooled and Christians, so we don’t see tons of
      each other he has 12 siblings and is number 6
      so he normally stays home
      with the younger kids. He
      is 2 years Older than me. I don’t want to start a romantic relationship, but I do want to get to know and talk to him. We both do nearly everything with at least 2 older siblings so that interferes with “random” conversations also.
      Any advice on how to talk to him without it being awkward or showing my feelings???????

      Older than me and we are both shy around the opposite sex so we don’t talk much, either to each other or in group conversations. But when we have talked It’s been really fun. I have rather an odd sense if humor so I rarely tell jokes (no one ever gets them) but I told a
      couple when we were talking and he got them : ) I think he might like me back, but since I am nit ready for marriage I dont want to start a romantic relationship, but I do want to get to know him and let him get to know me. I just fear awkwardness since we are b

    29. I’ve been stressing about how to talk to this guy I’ve been crushing on for months. We’re in choir together and after our concert the choir went out to dinner and I sat next to him all night! The problem is, I wasn’t feeling well and Im pretty sure I came off as disinterested. This article gives me hope that I can get things back to where they could be, and faith that even though it seems trivial, God is watching out for me and encouraging me. Even if this guy isn’t who I’m meant to be with forever, maybe this will help me become more sure of myself to get ready for my future love when he does come around.

      • Update: Today I saw him sitting alone eating lunch so I put on my brave face and went and asked to sit with him. We ended up talking the whole time! It was wonderful even though my legs were shaking so hard underneath the table!

    30. I remember going through crushes like with two guys not friends with anymore”‘ long story”‘ than sec time happened twice I was sixteen at the time”‘ it’s was driving me nuts I wanted to stop but the devil kept on trying to do that to me I said no Very loudly in the closed room”‘ he”s not a crush a brother in Christ!’ I went over my boundaries by calling to much or long emails this was three years ago”‘ yes He has forgiven me”‘ the crush didn”t stop he told me in an email we re just friends”‘ I “ll let u when I go further take it slow Jessica”‘ that”s great advise!’ We re still friends to this day!’ Emailing each other”‘ he”s a somphore in college”‘ GCG wait on the lord”‘

    31. Hey Girls! I am in this group and their is a guy who is super cute! I like
      Him a lot and he knows some of my other friends and they say he’s a great guy and he’s a Christian which is my top priority on the list. I always get a red face around him and nervous, he’s easy to talk to but I never talk to him because I don’t know that to say. It’s hard as a girl to not idolize him and not stop thinking about him which I know isn’t good. Any advise? How can i talk to him without seeming obvious? Thanks a lot!!!

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