fbpx

Catch Nicole in Catching Faith 2 now on DVD and streaming, buy your copy here!

Catch Nicole in Catching Faith 2 now on DVD and streaming, buy your copy now!

  • About Nicole
  • Press
More

    How Do I Talk About a Toxic Situation Without Gossiping?

    There is conflict in one of your relationships. Actually, it’s more than conflict—the situation is becoming toxic. You’re up at night from the stress of it, worrying about it during the day and just not sure what to do. You need to talk to someone about it…but you’re worried that discussing the situation is gossip.

    Sound familiar?

    There’s a line between finding resolution through godly discussion and simple venting about a person who’s driving you insane. But the line is very thin and easy to cross! Here are a few tips for discussing a toxic situation without straying into gossip.

      

    Decide if you’re looking for advice or looking to vent

    Before talking to someone about the issue at hand, determine whether you’re actually looking for advice. Talking about the person with no end goal IS gossip, and it doesn’t honor God. Unfortunately, our culture calls this kind of discussion “venting” and it’s widely accepted. Psychology studies have revealed that venting about something actually doesn’t grant us more clarity and can increase our stress level! If you’re tempted to vent to a friend, stop and ask: “Am I looking for godly advice on how to deal with this?” If not, don’t talk about it.

      

    Only talk about the situation with one or two people you trust

    Another sign you’re gossiping and not addressing the toxic problem is “serial oversharing.” That’s my term for telling all your best girlfriends about the issue…without actually resolving it. If you want to deal with the problem, only talk to one or two trusted friends who can give you trustworthy advice.

    Sometimes we talk to our friends about a problem because we already know what they’ll say. We want to be affirmed or justified. While it’s awesome to have supportive friends, we also have a responsibility to honor God and others with our words. Don’t spread news that isn’t honorable; stick to your most trusted friends.

      

    Have a goal before discussing the issue

    This is important. Before heading into the conversation, ask: “What’s my goal in discussing this?” This simple question helps me refrain from gossip or reading into the motives of an offender.

    If your goal is to vent, you’re not going to care who you’re talking to or what is said. But if your goal is resolution and peace, your conversation will reflect those priorities. You’ll look for advice you can apply and wisdom that’s consistent with Scripture.

      

    Notice when you’re using the situation as an opportunity to gossip

    Lastly, be in tune with your own heart. We all know when we’re looking to gossip. We all know that satisfying feeling when we can vent about someone who is driving us crazy. But just because they’ve offended us or caused a relationship rift doesn’t give us the right to gossip. We are still responsible to God for our actions!

    Take note of how you’re using the relationship issue as an opportunity to talk negatively about another person. Remember: Gossip changes the opinions of others toward a person. That’s a big responsibility! Do you want them to think negatively of that person every time they see them? Check your heart motives before bringing this up.

    Gossip is a “safe sin” and we tend to make light of it. I know I’ve struggled with this myself! But as we allow God to speak to our hearts and listen for the Spirit’s leading for our words, we’ll choose honor over anger every time.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimerhttps://phyliciamasonheimer.com/
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.

    Project Inspired

    We here at Project Inspired want to guide and inspire teen girls to be true to themselves and to God. We want to show young girls how to be people of value and confidence – how to be your own best selves – through leading a Christian life. Who are we? We're a team of girls, like you. We edit the site, we post to social media, we hang out in the chat rooms and forums. We talk with you, we listen to you, and we love you!

    Read On

    ‘The Devil Had Me’ Kanye West Testifies to 12,000 Students That Jesus Saved His Life

    Over the weekend, rapper Kanye West and his Sunday Service Choir performed in front of 12,000 teenagers at a youth conference in Pigeon Forge,...

    What Effort and Investment in a Relationship Really Looks Like

    Occasionally the reason for a breakup is presented as “lack of effort.” But what does that mean? Effort in a relationship can look many...

    10 Ways to Honor God Through Social Media

    Social media can be wonderful and terrible at the same time! It manages to be connecting, addicting, fun, detrimental and so much more all...

    4 Must-See Christian Movies Coming to Theatre’s in 2020

    Over the past couple of years, more and more faith-based films have made it to the big screen.  In 2018, “I Can Only Imagine” showed...

    8 Amazing Quotes From Martin Luther King, Jr. on MLK Day

    Today we want to honor the legacy of Martin Luther King, Jr. by posting some of the most amazing quotes from the man who...

    Subscribe!

    Stay connected with Project Inspired.