“How Do I Turn a Guy Down Without Hurting His Feelings?”
Written by Ask Olivia | January 14, 2015
So I believe that the whole point of dating and being in a relationship is to lead to marriage. Those are my morals and I plan to stick to them. I am also an extreme extrovert, and pretty much introduce myself to anyone new to my youth group. Because of this, I am indeed friends with a lot of guys. And before I continue, I am not trying to come off as conceited. I have a true concern that I wish would disappear. In the past month, two of my guy friends have asked me out and one of my really close guy friends is obviously showing interest in me. At the current moment, I am not the least bit interested in dating. But I am friends with quite a few guys. How can I nicely turn them down without destroying the strictly friends relationship? Because so far, I’ve explained my uninterest in dating anyone, and I’ve lost those friendships, and they seem genuinely hurt. I don’t want to be the cause of that. I feel stuck. What do I do?
Hey girl! Thanks for trusting me with your question.
I’m really pleased to read that you take dating very seriously, and that for you, it’s the first stage of marriage. I totally share your conviction.
I can also understand that you don’t want to lose friendships with guys because you’ve turned them down when they ask you on a date. But honestly, in this day and age when casual dating is considered the norm, your values may seem unconventional, or just weird! Oh well!
The reality is that you may just hurt a few people along the way, even though it was unintentional. And there’s really nothing you can do about that, especially if you’ve been honest and kind in your explanation. Some guys may not even believe you. They may think that you’re just not interested in them, and so they take the rejection hard. The only way you can justify any negative reaction is by being honest and remaining true to your word. Eventually, those same guys will see that you were honest. That you haven’t dated anyone casually. So, staying true to your convictions as well as your word is really important. But if you’re devoted to Him, that shouldn’t be difficult.
So here’s what I think you should do:
- Tell the truth. You totally share my philosophy on dating, and unfortunately not many people do. But you can share your truth, which I feel is a Godly one. After all, anything less is just causal dating and what’s the point of that? To have fun? Well, you can have fun with friends. I digress…tell the truth. Something like, “Thanks, I’m flattered, but I’m really not into casual dating. I believe that dating is the first stage of getting married.” They may be taken aback by that response, but they may also respect your honesty. Either way, your truth is out.
- Put God’s feelings first. You can’t worry about someone’s feelings if your desire is to please God. Honesty is always the best way to go.
- Stick to your convictions. Mean what you say. If at any point you decide to casually date someone, then you may just lose integrity and those you rejected in the past will feel more hurt.
- Pray for strength. Not just to remain loyal to your vow, but to have the courage to speak truth about your faith as a whole. And to remain true to yourself. This is not easy in a world highly focused on self-gratification.
Good luck and God bless!
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!
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