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Christian Life

How I Knew My Wife Was “The One”


By Caley Jacob Meza

I have a very attractive wife. She is the most beautiful woman in the world. Of course, every good husband says that about his bride (and should), but it’s true. From her Technicolor-ed eyes to her imperfect smile, Sabrina is gorgeous. But when I ask my wife what she thinks about the Proverbs 31 women, a sort of tired annoyance overtakes her face. Her nostrils flare and her lips practically disappear. Where did my wife go?

It has become a common practice in the church for Proverbs 31 to mark the standard for all Christian women while simultaneously becoming the criteria for the men of the church who are looking for a girlfriend and/or wife. Her attributes are spoken of at length, and collectively, she embodies the whole package:

  • She has an intense work ethic. (v. 13-15)
  • She is discerning and business savvy. (v. 16, 26)
  • She is a real estate mogul. (v. 16)
  • She is a philanthropist. (v. 20)
  • She is strong and confident. (v. 17, 25)
  • And worst of all, she’s nice! (v. 26)

It seems that the passage itself knows that these are high ideals to strive for: “an excellent wife, who can find her?” (v. 10) Meaning she’s rare. Maybe even nonexistent. So what hope do any of us have in either becoming her or marrying her?

Sabrina is not a morning person. She loves sleep and it’s often hard to get her out of bed in the morning. She is a wonderful photographer, but isn’t exactly the greatest when it comes to running her business. I don’t think she knows much about the housing market (except that it’s expensive), and she has just as much insecurity as the rest of us. But I married a Proverbs 31 woman. So what are we missing?

Toward the end of the proverb, the passage reads, “Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.”

Collectively, the woman described in the proverb seems to be the embodiment of wisdom from chapter 8—and the book as a whole repeatedly says, “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and the knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.” (9:10 cf. 1:7)

My wife fears Jesus. It was her relationship with Him that attracted me to her. Sabrina and I met when I was having a hard time with my faith, in which my life did not reflect any ideals of good, Christian living. Sabrina and I would often talk about God, and though I felt so far away from Christ, Sabrina always seemed so close to Him. Though our lives went separate ways for a season, it was that closeness and love for Jesus that kept her in my mind. When I finally did surrender my life back to God, it was our individual relationships with our Savior that brought us back together.

The problem with Proverbs 31 isn’t what it says, but how we are reading and teaching it. The attributes listed were never intended to become our new standards of perfection to idolize and labor over. They were written to describe what a woman who fears Yahweh looks like. If we want to resemble her, we cannot do it by waking up two hours earlier or by getting an MBA—we must do it by drawing close to Jesus and by sitting at His feet, making Him the object of our desires, not ourselves.


Now as they were traveling along, He entered a village; and a woman named Martha welcomed Him into her home. She had a sister called Mary, who was seated at the Lord’s feet, listening to His word. But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, “Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)


—Caley Jacob Meza

Image: Lightstock | thelittlehouse


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  1. smartgirl101

    Posted by smartgirl101 on June 10, 2015 at 19:07

    Wow! I was just listening to a church talking about this (not specifically) today!

  2. Graceey

    Posted by Graceey on April 16, 2015 at 17:02


  3. Project Inspired

    Posted by HisPrincessWarior on April 15, 2015 at 22:53

    ”The problem with Proverbs 31 isn’t what it says, but how we are reading and teaching it. The attributes listed were never intended to become our new standards of perfection to idolize and labor over. They were written to describe what a woman who fears Yahweh looks like.”

  4. PrettyMonkey55

    Posted by PrettyMonkey55 on March 30, 2015 at 16:07

    I loved this!:) I’ve seen that quote so many times about how we should be so deep in God, that a man has to find HIM to find us. I felt like this story actually had that, and it’s wonderful to see it be true!!

  5. hereigns56

    Posted by hereigns56 on March 30, 2015 at 09:12

    This rocks! I needed some encouragement like this. I became one of those girls who wanted to fight to help guys for Jesus in high school, and the guys I know now in college (even, or especially? Christian colleges) seem to need Him a lot still and it’s helpful to hear a testimony about God working through that. Sometimes I’m plagued with doubt about guys and my chance on a godly romance. I know the God part is important but sometimes I wonder how important and if even Christian guys care about girls that love Jesus. And notice if we do. But it is encouraging to hear that God has done a lot in that relationship and I love that you seem to give her grace in the Proverbs 31 area–which we all really need!

  6. ReaganthePK15

    Posted by ReaganthePK15 on March 29, 2015 at 18:12

    Wow!! That was wonderful!!

  7. Speak4Elohim

    Posted by Speak4Elohim on March 28, 2015 at 22:32

    LOVE this!!!