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Christian Life

“How Should I Respond to Comments from Mean Girls?”

Every week, I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian life and walk of faith! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions.

These days, it seems like having to deal with a bully or “mean girl” is becoming more and more common. Let’s face it, some people can be just plain rude, but HOW do we respond as Christians in a world that can be hostile and filled with competitiveness, pride and the desire to be popular?

This week, a PI Girl asked other PI Girls what they have been bullied about and what mean-spirited comments or hurtful words they have faced. If you would like to join the Girl Talk Forum, click here.

Here are some pieces of advice on how to respond to either a friend who is insensitive, or someone who is purposely teasing or being mean-spirited. Try these responses in uncomfortable situations where you are unsure what to say because you either don’t want to say something hurtful back or maybe you are too shy to stand up for yourself. 

HOW TO RESPOND TO UNFRIENDLY PEERS:

1. Hold Your Tongue and PRAY: It is easy to quickly respond back, either saying something you don’t mean or even excusing poor behavior. In either case, hold your tongue; count to 10 and pray about what you should say to this person. Also, pray for this person because they may be hurt, insecure or just dealing with something internally.

The Bible says,

“I will guard my ways, lest I sin with my tongue; I will restrain my mouth with a muzzle, while the wicked are before me.” -Psalm 39:1

“
If anyone among you thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his own heart, this one’s religion is useless.” – James 1:26

2. Respond with Kindness: It may sound weird, but the person who is saying something unkind to you probably is a hurting person and is lashing out at others. It doesn’t make it good or right, but Jesus tells us when someone strikes us to turn the other cheek. This is so foreign to our flesh, but God always tells us to love others and to not return evil with evil. This is not saying to let someone physically hit you, but it is saying that you should not retaliate but rather, show the person love. (1 Cor 13 says, “Love never fails.”)

3. Read the Word: Reading the Bible helps us to quench the fiery darts and the lies of the enemy. The truth of light overpowers the lies of the darkness. The enemy wants us to rehearse his lies so that we doubt God, fear and become insecure. We need to be bold, courageous and warrior-like, putting on the full armor of God so we can “stand against the schemes of the enemy” (Ephesians 6:11).

4. Avoid Gossip: In the Bible, gossip is considered a sin, yet it’s easy for human beings to fall into it. When facing challenging situations within school and work environments, let us not join the negativity but rather, keep quiet (pray) and shine our light for Christ.


”He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, But he who is trustworthy conceals a matter.” –Proverbs 11:13

5. Turn Negative to Positive: Maybe if someone says something rude, you can turn the conversation into a positive one, not letting the remark get to you. Responding with joy can turn a potentially hurtful situation into a teachable moment.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”Proverbs 15:1

Note: If someone is bullying you or threatening you, or if you ever feel in danger in any way, report it to a trusted adult!

PI Girls, what do you do in these types of situations? Let us humble ourselves and pray for one another. School and work can be places of peer pressure and gossip–let us not partake in this but walk in love, amen?! Write your prayer requests below!

Image: iStockphoto | ThinkStock

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10 Comments

  1. freedomlights

    Posted by freedomlights on May 25, 2014 at 23:17

    I’ve fortunately never had to deal with being a victim of bullying. But of course, like most people, I’ve endured a few snide remarks or rude comments. I’ve never been particularly emotional or sensitive, so most of the time, comments from others don’t phase me a ton. When they do, though, I’m pretty non-confrontational, so I tend to either ignore them or respond like I didn’t hear the rude portion of their comment. (It usually ends up coming off a little sassy, which I need to work on, haha.) I do try to be nice, though, even when someone isn’t nice to me. It can be hard, but I do try!

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by SparkleandShine on March 4, 2014 at 12:53

    #5

  3. faithseeker

    Posted by faithseeker on January 30, 2014 at 21:43

    Unfortunately I was bullied a lot in elementary school. I have become an expert on this. (: If somebody continuously calls you names or embarrasses you or points out your flaws or says something rude to you etc. etc. KILL THEM WITH KINDNESS exp: Vanilla (a girl who is considered your bully) says “ugh you look horrible today,but that’s not a surprise” smile then say, “i actually like how i look, thank you for the input (pause and smile again) I think you (vanillas hair looks cute today) look cute today! That hair style looks nice on you!” This may not work for everyone and may or may not be considered godly (I honestly have no-clue about that) If this doesn’t work after attempting you could try:
    Walking away,telling her it was a good one (referring to a joke), asking her to leave you alone, or just bite your tongue count to 10 and pray. Always try your hardest to avoid saying anything rude back or becoming violent. It is ungodly and shows that whatever she said got to you. If people spread rumors about you or gossip about you, I know how difficult it is, but don’t let it get to you. What evidence do they have? If anybody ever confronts you about it,and whatever it is is true tell them it’s none of their business and really it isn’t. Or ask them why they would need to know! And if its not true,TELL THEM!! If they continue to nag you about it, ask them for evidence. Or if possible,SHOW THEM it’s not true. Being physically bullied? Tell a teacher or supervisor! Pray not only for things to get better, but for the person to get better and for them to realize what they’re doing is wrong! I don’t like saying or talking about this stuff but if you are cornered and someone is hitting or physically harming you, you must fight back. BUT ONLY IF SCREAMING IS POINTLESS. Fighting back in a harmful way should ALWAYS be the last resort! I hope this helped and remember, God loves you and that is what matters you are his precious creation, and he is proud of you! Don’t let the bully’s words get to you!!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by SparkleandShine on March 4, 2014 at 12:54

      Haha I like the kill ’em with kindness! Always catches them off guard! (= I think it’s a good thing. Sorry you had to go through that, but maybe now you can help others who are going through the same thing.

  4. Strong692

    Posted by Strong692 on January 30, 2014 at 18:20

    I got teased a lot in fifth grade for being a “newbie” and having a lisp. People were always talking about me behind my back, and it was like all of the girls in sixth grade hated me. I just ignored them and prayed. It worked though. 🙂

  5. Lovely Mistakes

    Posted by Lovely Mistakes on January 23, 2014 at 16:33

    Great article, also remember God made you, YOU!

  6. Allegrabri

    Posted by Allegrabri on January 23, 2014 at 01:49

    I love all this advice. I’ve never been “bullied” per se, as I was and still am a tough kid who isn’t very emotionally involved. But it happens that people hurt you by exaggerating your flaws. It’s important to acknowledge that you do have flaws, and the sooner you accept that the sooner the cruelty starts to roll off. But it’s way more important to realize that you’re so much more than your flaws. There is always someone who loves you. If someone hurts you repeatedly and intentionally, don’t try and go it alone. Get some help. Because for every little thing that someone can use against you, there’s a dozen other little thing anyone can use for you. And one big one: Jesus. You have him. Why worry about what people think is wrong with you?

    • Mandi Pi

      Posted by Mandi Pi on January 24, 2014 at 09:38

      Amen sista! 😉 I love your name, and the profile pictures on articles are tiny lol, but from what I can tell you are spectacularly beautiful. 😀 <3

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by Carbarrawr on January 22, 2014 at 03:16

    To add:
    “He did not retaliate when he was insulted,
    nor threaten revenge when he suffered.
    He left his case in the hands of God,
    who always judges fairly.”
    ~ 1 Peter 2:23

  8. jasmineluna

    Posted by jasmineluna on January 21, 2014 at 12:24

    I wish I had seen this a long time ago! My 7th grade year, I had to deal with girls in my class who made every single day miserable. I hated waking up to face another day filled with taunts and bullies. Instead of taking it into God’s hands, I tried to deal with it on my own (only to make things worse). I would go to bed every night with my pillow soaked in tears. Questions bombarded me: “Why me?”, “What’s wrong with me?”, and so on…
    After a while of these taunt-filled days, I felt as if I’d had enough. I felt that my life had no meaning whatsoever. And so I thought of doing something horrible: SUICIDE. I thank my Lord that he set me free of those horrid thoughts. I told my close Christian friends and am very thankful for all their godly advice.
    If any of you are dealing with anything, give your frustration over to God and trust in Him. He knows that there are brighter days ahead. Don’t give up. ♥