How to Be Alone: How God Heals in the Face of Total Isolation by PI Girl Caroline
Written by Caroline Reinhart | May 30, 2015
Sometimes in life, we are called to journey on paths that no one but God can come on with us. For good or for bad, this happened to me.
I was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor that only five other kids in America have. I’m also the only one receiving my specific form of treatment. While that may sound really cool, it’s not. I lost all of the peripheral vision in my left eye and most of the regular vision, none of which is ever returning. Also, my tumor has stopped a lot of physical development, which makes things complicated between me and my peers. And since kids don’t usually meet others with these kinds of conditions, they don’t know what to say. One of the hardest things to hear is “At least it’s not cancer.” Although they have a horrible situation, cancer patients are understood. They get Make-A-Wish and Alex’s Lemonade Stand. They know when their time is up and they’ll get to be with Jesus. Me? I’m probably going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life, and since I’m going to have a normal life span, it’s going to be there a while.
However, as I have learned, there are some bright sides in my case. Even though my peers don’t always understand, I do have friends who love me and try their best. I connect really well with adults, so I get the inside scoop on what’s going on in their heads. I love to write and express myself, and there are tons of opportunities to do that on Project Inspired; I also have a blog called “Emojis, Corn, and Survival Tips for Teens” to give advice to high-schoolers throughout their everyday lives. My family and church members are super supportive and my mom always knows how to care for my needs: physical, emotional and spiritual. There are hospitals that are willing to help me and look into what’s wrong (I’m taking a trip this summer to see a couple of different hospitals to hear their opinions). But most importantly, I have Jesus.
Jesus knew what it was like to be alone and misunderstood. He had to carry the weight of this world and its sins on His shoulders, and then die for those who mocked Him. In His final hours, He had no one to turn to, not even His own Father. But He still carried through, and that gives me hope.
PI Girls, maybe you’re struggling with something that no one else can understand. And as much as I would love to spend some time to have a cup of coffee with you and let you cry your little heart out, spilling all your pain into the open for healing, I can’t. I’m sorry. But what I can do is offer you these words of wisdom: Something good will come out of this. I won’t lie and say that I’ve never had bad days. In fact, I struggle with depression. But I do still know that my situation can help somebody out there, someone who is alone as I was and needs help to get through. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s someone else.
One thing I want you to remember is this: Even if no human being on this Earth can understand what you’re going through, Christ can. He had NOBODY, but yet He still managed to get the job done. And look at Him now!
If nothing else, look at how far you’ve come. You’ve made it this far. You are in the eye of the hurricane, but just push through a little longer and pray that God will help you. He can and He will. You just have to trust Him.
If you ever need any help or want to talk to somebody, just look me up. I don’t know how useful I can be, but maybe Christ can use me as a tool. Sometimes crying and letting out your emotions is the strongest and bravest thing you can do. Don’t be afraid to release your frustration; even the Psalmists do that. Also, ask your parents, teachers, counselors, pastors, any grown-up you can trust for some help with the situation. And listen to Hillsong’s “Oceans.” It’s helped me through a lot of hard times.
The Bible says to seek and pray continuously, and it will be given to you if it is according to God’s will. And your healing and endurance are always in God’s will.
I’m praying for you, PI Girls. May God continue to help you endure.