How to Be Alone: How God Heals in the Face of Total Isolation by PI Girl Caroline

    Sometimes in life, we are called to journey on paths that no one but God can come on with us. For good or for bad, this happened to me.

    I was diagnosed with a rare brain tumor that only five other kids in America have. I’m also the only one receiving my specific form of treatment. While that may sound really cool, it’s not. I lost all of the peripheral vision in my left eye and most of the regular vision, none of which is ever returning. Also, my tumor has stopped a lot of physical development, which makes things complicated between me and my peers. And since kids don’t usually meet others with these kinds of conditions, they don’t know what to say. One of the hardest things to hear is “At least it’s not cancer.” Although they have a horrible situation, cancer patients are understood. They get Make-A-Wish and Alex’s Lemonade Stand. They know when their time is up and they’ll get to be with Jesus. Me? I’m probably going to have to deal with this for the rest of my life, and since I’m going to have a normal life span, it’s going to be there a while.

    However, as I have learned, there are some bright sides in my case. Even though my peers don’t always understand, I do have friends who love me and try their best. I connect really well with adults, so I get the inside scoop on what’s going on in their heads. I love to write and express myself, and there are tons of opportunities to do that on Project Inspired; I also have a blog called “Emojis, Corn, and Survival Tips for Teens” to give advice to high-schoolers throughout their everyday lives. My family and church members are super supportive and my mom always knows how to care for my needs: physical, emotional and spiritual. There are hospitals that are willing to help me and look into what’s wrong (I’m taking a trip this summer to see a couple of different hospitals to hear their opinions). But most importantly, I have Jesus.

    Jesus knew what it was like to be alone and misunderstood. He had to carry the weight of this world and its sins on His shoulders, and then die for those who mocked Him. In His final hours, He had no one to turn to, not even His own Father. But He still carried through, and that gives me hope.

    PI Girls, maybe you’re struggling with something that no one else can understand. And as much as I would love to spend some time to have a cup of coffee with you and let you cry your little heart out, spilling all your pain into the open for healing, I can’t. I’m sorry. But what I can do is offer you these words of wisdom: Something good will come out of this. I won’t lie and say that I’ve never had bad days. In fact, I struggle with depression. But I do still know that my situation can help somebody out there, someone who is alone as I was and needs help to get through. Maybe it’s you. Maybe it’s someone else.

    One thing I want you to remember is this: Even if no human being on this Earth can understand what you’re going through, Christ can. He had NOBODY, but yet He still managed to get the job done. And look at Him now!

    If nothing else, look at how far you’ve come. You’ve made it this far. You are in the eye of the hurricane, but just push through a little longer and pray that God will help you. He can and He will. You just have to trust Him.

    If you ever need any help or want to talk to somebody, just look me up. I don’t know how useful I can be, but maybe Christ can use me as a tool. Sometimes crying and letting out your emotions is the strongest and bravest thing you can do. Don’t be afraid to release your frustration; even the Psalmists do that. Also, ask your parents, teachers, counselors, pastors, any grown-up you can trust for some help with the situation. And listen to Hillsong’s “Oceans.” It’s helped me through a lot of hard times.

    The Bible says to seek and pray continuously, and it will be given to you if it is according to God’s will. And your healing and endurance are always in God’s will.

    I’m praying for you, PI Girls. May God continue to help you endure.

    Caroline Reinhart
    My life isn't easy, but God's still there. ☺️


    1. Hi! Thank you SO much for sharing your story, it really means a lot to me to hear someone with kind of the same struggle as me. I was born with a rare birth defect called Congenital Scoliosis (its different from the common idiopathic scoliosis) Every kid who is born with this is told that at some point in their life they could become paralyzed from the curvature of the spine and other factors. Recently I haven’t been able to feel my hands and feet and I’ve been having troubles walking and emense pain and I now have to have an in home tutor because I’m physically unwell to the point that I can’t go to school. I’m stuck at home lying in a bed barely moving at times because of it. My friends barely talk to me, and I feel so alone because no one around me knows what I’m going through and can understand. I’m going to have surgery soon, and I’m failing classes partially because I can’t to stuff. Your article just really spoke to me, and it helped me realize that I’m never alone. I just want to say thank you, and God bless!

      • God bless you, Emma! I’ll be praying for your surgery. I can’t begin to imagine how awful that must feel. You’re a strong young woman to be able to handle it with such grace. <3

    2. Thank you so much for sharing! Good to know that Im not alone in this depression and isolation thing! Turns out I became closer to God than ever! So I hope everyone out there who’s struggling, there’s a prefect friend who’s names is Jesus and dont worry about everything coz He always BY YOUR SIDE!

      By the way I love By Your Side by Tenth North Avenu 🙂 just some fyi 😀

    3. Oh thank you Soo much for sharing!! I know how hard it is to open up like this and I totally understand!

      My story,
      I was born in China with albinism and in China parents either afford or or just want the best for ya if you have a disability so they put you in a orphanage. My dad says it’s usually right after birth that they put you in the system. Well I was adopted at 21months old by a Christian family that sometimes I take for granted but I’m so thankful for them! (Albinism is a rare ,but not very uncommon and can be misjudged as a disease. As well as low pigment it comes with a visual disability.) Well my family raised me to embrace being different and never treated me as different. Okay they help me if I’m down about being different or if I need help visually and the rest of the time I’m just a normal kid/teenager. I have feelings ,I have sin ,I have bad days, I can be very weird at times. The only difference is my looks and my vision. Well I tend to keep my feelings to myself ,but here I’ll open up.

      I’ll look in the mirror and wish I were different well okay “normal”. Then I remember God made me like this for a reason so why am I being so duby downer about it? Then I try and move on from the feelings ,but that usually doesn’t happen. I’m scared of what others think of me. Sometimes I wonder if my dream of having my own family will ever come true because I don’t know what guys will think of me and if they’ll ditch me coz I’m legally blind. Sometimes I wonder what my friends think of me or if their embarrassed when I’m with them. My mind will wonder at times thinking am I beautiful? Am I a nucience to anyone? Or even my parents? Why does everyone have to stare? Why do I feel like this?!?! Ah I already know the answer. It’s Satin whispering lies to me. I know that God loves me and that I’m a somebody it just feels like I’m a nobody at times. I feel friendless ,but I know God is my friend and that’s where my identity should lay. I mean I got one close friend and one who’ll sit by me at church but the rest of the time I feel like I’m in the background all the time even around family. I’m an introvert ,but sometimes I want to feel like a combo. I try my hardest to be kind and generous and compassionate and try not to hurt anyone’s feelings ,but some days I wish somebody would do that for me. Idk maybe somebody is I’m just blind to it coz Satin is causing me to be overwhelmed by these feelings.

      I’m praying for you and I pray that you would remember to have hope cause God might have a miracle in store for you. I pray that you wouldn’t let Satin in and you’d stay strong through it all.

      My encouragement all to you is no matter how many nights you fall asleep crying or how many days you go trying to scrape by God will always be at work even if we don’t see it.

      Yeah funny I’m giving you this advice since it doesn’t seem I’m taking it myself ,but it’s all a journey and I’m trying to get through it all.

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