How to Deal With a Love Triangle
Written by Phylicia Masonheimer | June 23, 2016
You just told your best friend about your latest crush, and now she’s acting weird. She didn’t ask for details like she usually does. She’s avoiding the topic or changing the subject whenever it comes up, two things she’s never done before. Suddenly, it dawns on you: You both like the same guy! And as if the situation couldn’t get any worse, it turns out that he likes her back.
This is a really tough situation for any girl to face. In the middle of an emotional triangle, how can a girl handle her relationships in a godly way?
1. Commit to purity.
Purity is often relegated to topics of a sexual nature. But as Christians we are called to purity in all areas of life. This includes our thoughts, emotions and words. By committing yourself to holiness, you guard your thoughts from jealousy, insecurity and resentment. This in turn guards your emotions and your words, preventing infatuation and gossip from taking hold in your heart. While this season may be difficult, choosing purity honors God in your relationships. This grants the peace that comes by knowing you have His blessing—no matter the outcome.
2. Commit to kindness.
A love triangle is fertile ground for bitterness, anger and gossip. If we don’t set out to prevent these things from growing, they will inevitably take root in our hearts. Instead, “be kind and compassionate, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32) Forgiveness isn’t always about an offense. Sometimes it means releasing a situation over which we have no control, trusting God’s wisdom and judgment to guide the relationship to resolution. Our duty is not to solve the problem or figure out the best solution for everyone involved, but to reveal God’s kindness.
3. Commit to the Lord.
We seek to control things because we are afraid of negative outcomes. But no outcome is ever completely within our control, especially when it comes to relationships! By committing our situation to the Lord, we acknowledge His sovereignty and wisdom. Trust in the conscious choice to say: “I cannot control this outcome, but I know You are good and whatever the result, it is Your good and perfect will for me.” Trusting God’s love casts out fear, and where fear is banished, relationships thrive—even if they turn out differently than we would hope.
She will not fear bad news; her heart is confident, trusting in the Lord. (Psalm 112:7)
Love triangles are rarely a pleasant experience, but they can be handled with grace. This requires emotional self-control and being willing to trust God with all the people and feelings involved. When we attempt to force or control the situation, we risk causing more harm than good for the long term. But by seeking godly attitudes and wisdom, we can come out of a hard season with minimal emotional and relational damage—perhaps preserving friendships that otherwise may have fallen apart.
Setting aside our feelings is hard. It takes an enormous amount of sacrifice and selflessness. In so doing we reflect the attitude of Christ, who “laid down His life for His friends.” This doesn’t mean you’ll always be on the losing end of relationships! It means you’ll be following God’s leading—the very best place to be.