How to Deal With a Persistent Guy You Just Aren’t Interested In
Written by Rebekah Hargraves | December 20, 2018
A question was recently raised in our Project Inspired Facebook group about what to do if a guy you’re not interested in keeps reaching out to you. This is such a tricky situation, especially if you’re a people-pleaser like me and cringe at the thought of ever hurting anyone’s feelings!
As hard as it is to find yourself in such a circumstance, there are a few specific things you can do when attempting to get your point across to such a guy without hurting his feelings.
1. View him as a fellow image-bearer of God.
Regardless of who the boy is that you’re not interested in but is interested in you, he was made in the image of God. As such, that deserves a little respect and honor. So never make fun of his interest in you, relate to him in a rude or cold fashion, or belittle him in any way. This is inappropriate behavior for you as a Christ-follower.
2. Consider whether or not he would be worth getting to know further.
My now-husband and I were once in a very similar situation. We had met at a ballroom dance studio, but had gotten to know each other a lot better when his family began attending my church. After months of getting to know one another at church and quickly becoming good friends, he started singling me out when I would then see him in dance class. He always picked me to be his dance partner, and while I liked him as a friend, I was uninterested in our friendship ever progressing anywhere else—until the day came when, after months and months of being friends, I began to see him in a different light. I’m glad I did, because we have now been married 4 1/2 years, and I couldn’t imagine life without my best friend and love.
Consider whether or not this kind of spending time together as friends is appropriate between you and the boy in question. This could lead to your having a little more interest in him at least as a person or as a brother-in-Christ, if not as a boyfriend. You’ll want to put much prayer and careful consideration into this, however, because you certainly do not want to lead him on, waste his time or use him in any way.
3. Pray for wisdom.
The most important thing you can do is ask God for wisdom about what to do in this touchy situation. Yes, the Lord is even interested in your boy trouble! He loves you so much and His Father-heart wants you to come to Him with whatever it is you’re struggling with. So, go to Him and ask for the wisdom and direction He promises to give you (see James 1:5).
4. Be kind and respectful, and practice the golden rule.
Remember to be kind and respectful to him. Do not lead him on or toy with his feelings by being manipulative, overly nice or flirtatious. Put an end now to whatever he may think is possibly starting between you two if the only alternative is to drag it on and hurt him much more later. Respect his feelings and his time.
5. Talk about other girls to him.
If you want him to realize you have no romantic feelings for him and don’t entertain thoughts of him belonging to you, point out other girls to him. He may get the hint and notice someone else all at once!
6. If need be, just be real, open and honest.
If you do not foresee a future with this guy, and the kind little hints you’ve been dropping are getting you nowhere, it may very well be time to let him down easy. You want to be kind and caring, but shoot straight. If you have absolutely no intention of ever going out with him, then don’t be wishy-washy in how you present to him your lack of interest. Don’t leave him guessing, confused or hopeful where there isn’t hope for a future relationship. Just remember to always balance that straightforwardness with kindness.
It’s incredibly hard and uncomfortable to be in a situation where you’re the object of the affection of a guy you have no romantic interest in whatsoever. And while things can most definitely turn around (my husband and I being a case in point!), that doesn’t always happen, and you don’t want to play with this guy’s feelings. Be truthful, be real, but also be kind, respectful and sensitive. With that balance, you can’t go wrong!