How to Get Clarity From a Guy You’re Dating or Who Is Flirting With You
Written by Christi Given | December 12, 2016
Every week I go through the “Girl Talk” section of Project Inspired and look for those seeking advice and counsel. I want to help answer some questions you may have about living out your Christian walk of faith and any miscellaneous topics! We want PI to be a safe place where you can ask questions and become bold in your faith. We love you, PI readers!
This week, a PI Girl asked about how to get clarity from a guy she’s interested in who is flirting with her, but hasn’t solidified asking her out or dating her.
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Sometimes people mistake being “nice” for flirting, and yes, at times guys and girls can both tease each other, or can act interested when maybe they simply are not. Hopefully your crush isn’t leading you on or playing games with your heart, but it’s important to guard your heart and emotions and to clarify what his motives are with you, especially if he continues to flirt without leading you into a proper relationship.
If you have moved from compliments to flirting into dating mode, and he still has not yet asked you to be his girlfriend and/or has not asked to court you, you need to pray and let him lead. It usually isn’t our job as women to ask men out. As Relevant magazine points out, “men initiate, women respond.” But you also don’t want to waste time or lose your voice, as they advise in their article “Stop Waiting for Him to Ask You Out.” You at least have the full right to ask what his intentions are if you feel he is somehow leading you into a romantic relationship or misleading you where it becomes hurtful.
The key thing to do before talking to your crush is to pray before you step into the next level of a relationship and ask God if this is the person for you. Next, always start a relationship off as a friendship. Once that foundation is set, and you have a mutual understanding of who you both are genuinely, then let the guy lead. Don’t pressure your interest into a relationship because it is out of order. Also remember to not give away girlfriend rights or privileges to him, especially if he is not treating you properly or asking you out.
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23)
If you don’t want to ask him where your relationship is going, and really you shouldn’t have to, you can at least ask what his motives are. This can open the door for him to express himself and you can see where his heart is. If you feel like the relationship is not going anywhere, then slowly stop hanging out together, especially one-on-one if you have been, because you don’t want to get hurt.
The Bible says in Jeremiah 17:9, “The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is?”
If you’re not sure of the relationship, it’s wise to get counsel from someone who is older and wiser and whom you trust. Ask someone who is a parent or parental figure, a mature youth leader or someone who has been in a long, healthy relationship. Don’t get advice from people who don’t even have stable relationships and/or who don’t have godly counsel to give you. Heed to a couple different opinions, especially from those in relationships founded on Christ.
Make sure to set proper boundaries in the relationship, such as not hanging out one-on-one unless it is a date set up in advance. Give yourself some self-respect and do not give away your time for free unless you are hanging out in groups. Don’t give your crush girlfriend privileges. As they say, “Why buy the cow when the milk is free?” We need to stand up for ourselves while still being gracious and lovely women of Christ. Know who you are as God’s daughter.
Whatever you do, PI Girls, DO NOT let him kiss you or touch you if you are not dating and/or in a courtship. If the guy is flirting with you or trying to kiss you and can’t even solidify the relationship, then he has no place touching you if he is unsure about you! He needs to want to protect your heart and purity first (showing he really loves and cherishes you), otherwise why would you be with someone who is reckless with your heart? Amen?
10 Ways to Clarify a Romantic Relationship
1. Ask God if he is for you.
2. Build a friendship on Jesus.
3. Let him lead and initiate.
4. Guard your heart.
5. Don’t pressure your crush.
6. Ask for guidance from a youth leader or parent.
7. Don’t give him girlfriend privileges unless he earns them or solidifies your relationship.
8. Avoid hanging out alone until he asks you on a proper date.
9. Set boundaries. Definitely do not be physical with him or kiss him, especially if you are not in a relationship!
10. Stop hanging out altogether if he clearly keeps flirting and doesn’t man up to ask you out or to be in a romantic relationship or courtship.
PI Girls, what do you think about this topic? Comment below and write any prayer requests or needs!