How to Handle Undetermined Relationships by PI Girl Lexie
Written by Jesus_chick_529 | July 26, 2015
Boys…you can’t live with ’em and you can’t live without ’em!
Some boys may make your heart pound and your face blush while others leave you confused—and boy, do I know that feeling. What’s crazier is when a boy makes you feel both ways! As a girl who is a senior in college and has been through the ringer with this, I feel it’s time to pass down my knowledge when it comes to this.
I’m really close to this one guy and he’ll treat our hangouts like dates at times. We never “Determined The Relationship” face-to-face, but it’s all figured out now. It turns out he is a friend and just a super polite guy! (Who knew?!)
Girls, as you get older, you may find yourself in this situation. So here are my tips for how to handle situations when you and your guy haven’t exactly DTR so you can protect your heart (and your dignity!).
1. Always bring your own money: About 80 percent of the time, my guy friend likes to pay for me. Whether it’s out of his own wanting or he was just raised to do so, it’s something I always find SUPER sweet when he does. However, on occasion, he doesn’t. He’ll give small cues, like ordering first if we’re someplace where we stand in line to order food; then he will pay and step aside for me to order or will ask me what I want. In the event he pays for his own, you have your own money and you NEVER need to deal with the “Oh, I thought you were paying” thing.
2. If he does pay, say thank you: Not only is saying thank you just a basic courtesy, but the guy isn’t made of money. Every time the guy I am friends with pays for me, I always make sure to say thank you a few times. I’ll say it once we order and get our food, when we are saying goodbye at the end of the night, and if we take separate cars and I’m texting him that I got home safely, I’ll always thank him again. Whether it’s a date or not, I would never want him to feel like I’m ungrateful that he spent his money on me, and also don’t want him to feel like I hang with him because he pays for me a lot. It’s always better to show too much gratitude rather than not enough. Like I said, he isn’t made of money (and we are college-age kids). All you have to say is “Thanks for lunch/dinner,” “Thanks for the movie” or simply “Thanks for treating me.”
3. Offer to treat him: If he does pay for you a lot, offer to treat him. If you’re planning to go for ice cream, say, “Ice cream tonight? My treat!” If he feels weird about it, he’ll tell you by saying, “Don’t worry about it!” If so, double check, and if he still says no, then just drop it and say, “Okay.” I know that when I first asked my friend if he wanted to split the dinner bill, he frankly said, “No, I always pay,” while putting his hand on the bill and dragging it toward himself. However, if you are going to offer to treat, always make sure you have enough money. Treating for ice cream, it’s safe to have $10. Lunch and dinner, you should have $20 to $30.
4. Don’t get too attached romantically: Girls, this one was a huge one for me to deal with. This guy and I are best friends now, but he’s also the guy I’ve liked for a little over a year. At first, I really felt he was into me by how we were flirting and talking and going out. Although he may have been interested at one point, he totally friend-zoned me (for whatever reason) and it definitely broke my heart and confused me for a little while. I finally figured things out a few months ago. So use caution! The truth is, guys can just be flirtatious. Remember: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23). Unless he is straightforward asking you on dates and makes it obvious he is pursuing you, be very careful.
5. Determine the relationship: Although I found out in a less preferable way, don’t be afraid to say to your guy, “So, what are we?” Maybe he likes you, but isn’t sure if the feelings are returned. Maybe he isn’t sure himself. However, don’t force yourself to ask. Ask God to guide you with it, and it will happen when it’s meant to. Until then, though, follow the advice above and be careful!
—Lexie (aka Jesus_Chick_529)