How to Have Deeper Conversations With Your Friends

    Do you ever get together with your girlfriends, only for the conversation to revolve around boys and movies? While these things have a place, they aren’t the stuff of eternal significance. As you walk deeper into your relationship with God, you may find yourself becoming less interested in shallow conversation topics, wishing you could talk about more important things—God, family, positive dating relationships and what you’re learning through God’s Word. But how do you get your friends on the same page? Here are a few ideas.


    Introduce the Topic

    If your friends are accustomed to discussing nothing more than the latest edition of People magazine, talking about something deeper won’t come naturally. That means it’s up to you to introduce the topic of conversation!

    While this might be a little uncomfortable, it’s always worth a try. It doesn’t need to come off as condescending, either. Introduce it by saying, “I was reading an article the other day about [this topic] and wanted to know what you girls thought about it.” Even if your friends haven’t thought much about the topic you suggest, it will plant a seed of curiosity in their minds.

    If you have a hard time thinking of topics to discuss, think about the articles you read, what you’ve studied in your Bible or an interesting conversation you had with an adult. These are great starting points!


    Ask a Question

    Before or after introducing an interesting topic, ask your friends a question. Questions have many benefits. First, they pique curiosity and interest. Second, they involve the listener in the conversation. And finally, they encourage introspective thinking. By asking questions, you help your friends process their own ideas and engage in deeper conversation with you.


    Don’t Be Limited by Awkwardness

    The first few times you do this, it might be awkward. You might get teased for being “serious.” But the awkwardness is worth it! Leading your friends into a lifestyle of deeper conversation is one of the best gifts you can give them. What’s more, it creates a closer, more satisfying friendship among you.

    There may be some girls who just aren’t interested in going deeper. Don’t let that stop you from staying true to your priorities and setting an example for them to follow. Discussing the Bible, culture and worldview has an impact on how we live our lives every day—it matters!


    Raise the Bar

    Finally, raise the bar for yourself and your friends. Have an expectation that you’ll talk about things that encourage your hearts and equip your minds for real life! Rather than go into a girls’ night thinking, “Well, here goes another night of boy talk…,” go into it expecting to lead the conversation to a higher plane. You have the power to steer the topic to deeper things, if you’re willing to possibly be the brunt of a few jokes!

    The satisfaction of a conversation in which you learned, discussed and engaged with others can’t be understated. If you want to go deeper with your friends, you can be the girl to make that change. By setting an example of thoughtful discussion, you’re equipping your friendships with everything they need to stand the test of time.

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.


    1. It’s funny, I recently had a deeper conversation of my friends. It just started with her asking how things were in a way that I could go deeper. We ended up having an hour (maybe an hour and a half) conversation about our personal relationships with God and what struggles we have been having. It was incredible. A lot more awesome/interesting than talking about boys. xD

    2. I am blessed that my friends and I have deep conversations a lot of the time (it helps that one of my friends is really into philosophy and theology). Even if the conversation is about boys and/or dating, it tends to run deep into purity and being intentional in relationships. I had a friend come over and we talked for around 2 hours about dating and marriage and those kinds of things. Deep stuff that makes you think. It’s really good, because you get to flesh out thoughts and ideas with other people, instead of just pondering them in your head 🙂

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