How to Love Being Single
Written by Phylicia Masonheimer | July 29, 2016
American culture presents conflicting sentiments regarding singleness. We’re told to enjoy being single and prolong our singleness as long as possible; there is life to be lived on this side of marriage! But in the same breath, our culture promotes the idea that value is determined by desirability. Movies, music and TV tell us that relationships are the end-all, and if you aren’t in one, you’re missing out.
These confusing cultural messages shouldn’t be our guide to a productive single season. If Christ is king of our hearts as Christian women, He must also be king of our relationship status. Our singleness isn’t a holding pattern for “real life”—it IS real life! God’s call to live well as a single person isn’t supposed to be a duty and a burden. On the contrary, singleness can be one of the most fruitful and joyful times of our lives. It is possible to love being single—and here’s how.
Recognize the Potential of This Season
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens. (Ecclesiastes 3:1)
Singleness is a season of potential. This is the time when you decide which pursuits to undertake. This is the time to make a career change. This is the time to travel, try new hobbies and draw nearer to the Lord than ever before. Singleness isn’t a waiting game! Your single years should be full of learning and growth. You should be busy with the beauty of God’s calling on your heart.
The potential in this season is only realized if you accept that singleness is God’s current calling on your life. If you resist where God has you, choosing instead to live in discontentment, you shortchange your purpose and live below the abundance you could have known. Singleness isn’t something we’re rescued from; it’s a season to be lived powerfully right here and now.
Embrace Your Freedom and Use It Well
It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. (Galatians 5:1)
Because singleness grants a huge amount of freedom, we must be responsible with our days. Our single years aren’t an excuse to party late, make foolish decisions and disregard the Christian virtues of work and stewardship. Use your freedom to grow spiritually, and from that spiritual growth make lifelong habits for your whole body: physical, mental, social and academic. Be a long-term thinker. Know the consequences of the choices you make.
But even as you look at life through the lens of wisdom, embrace your freedom with joy! You get to LOVE being single! Not enough young women actually tell themselves this truth. God has called you to the place you are today, and if that place is singleness, thank Him for it. This simple habit of thanking God for my singleness—and telling myself “I love being single!”—transformed my mind in my own single years. Those attitudes remain with me even today, strengthening me for marriage and motherhood. Contentment is a habit we all need to cultivate.
See Every Day as Training Ground
…for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come. (1 Timothy 4:8)
To paraphrase C. S. Lewis, if we view each day as an opportunity to please ourselves, our days will likely be miserable, but if we view our days as a training ground for life, these challenges aren’t quite so bad. Singleness is a challenge. It’s a test of your character, calling you to closer relationship with the Lord and a daily walk with Him. If you try to walk through it alone—praying only intermittently, reading your Bible but not absorbing its truth for your life—you will feel defeated and discontented. When you see that singleness is God’s specific calling for this season of your life, you’ll be empowered to seek His face and live out your days as the strong woman He designed you to be.
Singleness is a trial in many ways, but it becomes a gift when we look back on it. Your single years are preparing your heart and character for future missions you have yet to experience. Don’t waste these years hating this season. You can love being single—in fact, it’s in your best interest if you do!