How to Love the Girl Who Got What You Wanted
Written by Phylicia Masonheimer | December 9, 2018
You’ve been waiting a while. More than a while. You’ve been praying and hoping and working toward this for months or even years…and she gets it. She gets the promotion. She gets to move away. She gets into the college, the relationship, the opportunity.
How do you love in moments like this?
Not enough of us ask this question. We go home and simmer over the injustice, wallow in fear over how much longer our wait will be and take her “success” as a sign that ours will never happen. But this is not the Jesus way to overcome, is it? Here’s what to do instead.
Remember: God Is Sovereign
God allows us a free will and a choice in what we do. He gives us opportunities that we can say yes or no to—relationships we can decline to enter and stay single, jobs we can turn down to wait for something better. But even in these choices, He is still sovereign. Sometimes He simply says “No.” Or maybe it’s “Not right now.” Either way, His is the voice we’re to listen to—and this means putting all other voices to the side. We answer to God, not to man, which means we shouldn’t be comparing our lives to the lives of others.
Remember: Timing Is Unique
Second, remember that the timing of your life is unique to your story. It’s unique to your walk with God. I think of a friend of mine who got married at age 30. At the time she was walking through that season, it was very hard and lonely at times. But now, she has an incredible ministry to single women in their mid- to late 20s. Her experience and walk with God, in His timing, led her to where she is today. The timing of your life is not outside of God’s view, though He’s giving you choices within it. He will use it, if you entrust your life to Him.
Remember: Love Chooses the Best
Back to loving the other girl: Love means consciously choosing what is best for a person. That is what God did for us when He sent His only Son to die. He chose what was best, even when it grieved Him. Even when He “lost.” You might feel like you’re losing by celebrating her new life stage, but in reality, you’re winning over bitterness. You’re winning over resentment and discontentment. It takes great strength to say, “I’m happy for you!” because you know her life’s trajectory is not a reflection on yours. This kind of security only comes by rooting yourself in God’s love for you and the purpose He has for your life.
Remember: Grace Is Sufficient
2 Corinthians 12:9 says “My grace is sufficient for you.” God’s grace—His unmerited favor, His love and kindness and involvement in your life—is with you no matter what happens in your life or hers. It’s His grace that enables you to love and celebrate others when your life isn’t looking as planned. Isn’t that exciting? I think it’s amazing!
Choosing love may be a moment-by-moment decision, but it’s one you won’t regret. It will free you. It will strengthen you. And it will prepare you when your own time comes.