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How to Respond to People Who Criticize You for Waiting Until Marriage

Wedding

Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body. (1 Corinthians 6:18)

 

I waited until I was married to have sex. In fact, I wore a purity ring for years that was eventually replaced by my engagement ring because I was sure that decision was the right one for me. It’s important to make this choice for yourself and not judge other people who haven’t done the same. I definitely had the desire to be intimate, as any young woman with a pulse might, so I was constantly asked why I was saving my virginity for my future husband.

This subject is a very personal one, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation for whatever you choose to do. However, if you feel the need to respond, it’s best to do it with the spotlight on yourself and your personal convictions instead of simply saying “Everyone should do this because God wants us to.” Keeping God’s commands is very important, but it’s also good to know and share the benefits of abiding by His word.

The next time someone raises an eyebrow at your moral compass and offers these remarks, consider responding in the following ways.

  • “It’s not a big deal.” It most definitely is a big deal. There are plenty of people who will fall into one-night stands and follow their body’s desires, but not many of them will tell you that you are giving a piece of yourself to anyone you are intimate with. You might want to save those pieces for your future spouse so that he will have that prize for himself.
  • “You’re missing out on a lot of great guys you could be with.” This should be obvious, but most of us don’t think about it until it’s too late. Not everyone is honest or knowledgeable about possible STDs they are carrying. Having multiple partners increases your risks of contracting something you may end up suffering with for the rest of your life, and you could be putting your future spouse at risk without even knowing it.
  • “Don’t you think you’re being old-fashioned?” Times change, but God’s values never will. He has asked us to keep our marriage bed undefiled, and that request doesn’t come with an expiration date. Being “old-fashioned” isn’t always a bad thing, and there are reasons why generations before us held onto certain traditions and had long-lasting marriages because of it.

 

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (Hebrews 13:4)

 

  • “You already know he’s the one you’re going to marry, so there’s no need to wait.” Whoever you decide to have a relationship with should respect your decision, and that includes “The One.” If a guy pursues you in hopes of getting you into his bed without marrying you, his motives are not in the right place and he is not worthy of your time.
  • “What if you get married and find out you’re terrible in bed?” I’ve always been from the school of thought that if God will bring you a husband, He will make sure that you are compatible in every way. Your sex life is something you both will have to work at whether or not you are a virgin, so there’s no need to worry unnecessarily about a lack of fulfillment in the bedroom.

It is possible to start a new life of abstinence if you’ve already had sex before marriage. God does not condemn those who have, and it’s never too late to start a clean slate and honor your body in a way that is pleasing to the Lord.

Do you think it’s important to wait for marriage? How do you face criticism for the choice that you’ve made?

Image: Lightstock | Geoff Duncan

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5 Comments

  1. Pink Violin

    Posted by Pink Violin on October 6, 2015 at 21:45

    I had a jarring awakening with that fourth one recently. A good friend of mine who has always been an inspiration to me was engaged to a young man who we all thought was just lovely… only he turned out not to be… and he broke my friend’s heart… and they broke off the engagement less than a month before the wedding… and she had been waiting for several years… A few weeks ago, I watched her say ‘I Do’ to the most amazing guy in the world for her! I can only imagine how grateful she is that she had not allowed the fact that they would be together soon, anyway, to lower her standards before the wedding. As my pastor’s daughter-in-law told me once, ‘he’s not yours until you’ve said I do. Anything serious y’all do before that you will probably live to regret.’

  2. May All Your Bacon Burn

    Posted by May All Your Bacon Burn on August 2, 2015 at 10:29

    For the first three I’d throw it right back at them. “No, it isn’t a ‘big deal’. Precisely why you have no reason to pester me for it”. “You’re missing out on a lot of guys you could be with that aren’t too keen on STD’s”. “Don’t you think you’re being old fashioned? Buckling to every guy that gives you the light of day at some party without a care? That’s some prehistoric stuff right there”. Okay, maybe I personally wouldn’t say the last one. But either way, the point is nearly all their arguments can be boiled down to the point of “why can’t you conform to what Society says?” To where we can reply “why can’t you conform to what God says?” I tried to leave out pointing out sinful nature with these, since I recently read an interesting article about focusing on pointing out my own sin instead of pointing out others’ sins, but the main thing is to get that point across 🙂

    • Kytia Lamour

      Posted by Kytia Lamour on September 17, 2015 at 13:03

      Very true. In a world where so many don’t live by God’s standards, it is hard to have them see things from your point of you. You are right, though. It all boils down to your personal convictions and walk with God. No other opinions matter.

  3. cicisunshine

    Posted by cicisunshine on July 9, 2015 at 10:57

    Great article, I really like it….but my question…ok, how do you deal with the criticism of not waiting? People make decisions and mistakes. That doesn’t mean they should be ridiculed and persecuted the rest of their life for that time   Not speaking for everyone experience, just my own. Sometimes I feel that I won’t be able to find the good relationship that deserve because of my past.

    • Kytia Lamour

      Posted by Kytia Lamour on July 16, 2015 at 16:52

      Well, I’ve got some great news for you. In my adult life I’ve met plenty of happily married people and all from different past mistakes, triumphs, and walks of life. It’s really not anyone’s business what you have or haven’t done, and it doesn’t make you any less deserving of a pure and holy union. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ and no one has any right to hold your past over your head…not even you. I’m guessing by your comment doubting you’ll able to find a good relationship that you’re staring to believe the lies others are trying to tell you. The best response I can think of is to tell people that the Lord forgives you and doesn’t hold you to your past and neither should they. If the creator of the universe can move on, and so should they. You’ll see in the future that this is something you and your future spouse can use to draw you closer, and anyone who decides to marry you is fortunate and will love you despite any choice you’ve made in the past. If it makes any difference, I do not want to ridicule, persecute, or judge you for not waiting, and I will be praying for your healing as you prepare for the man God has for you.