When I was in my teens, every month brought the onset of a new crush. He consumed my thoughts, dominated my conversations and quickly became the center of my world. I was so crazy about the boys I liked that I was a total dork when I was actually around them (which guaranteed they never liked me back!). I missed a significant portion of my single stage wasting time on these fleeting infatuations.
You don’t have to make the same mistakes I did. Boy-crazy girls become so because of how they think. Their minds are set on their crush, not on Christ. My mind was so consumed with boys, I didn’t have time to enjoy my singleness for all it was worth. My emotions rode a roller coaster of “Does he like me?” that kept me from truly investing in my community and group of friends.
If you’re struggling with a boy-crazy mentality (or have a friend who is), following are three points to remember. I’d suggest writing them down where you can see them regularly.
1. Remember Who Is in Control
Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:6-7)
When our minds are constantly fixed on boys, we’re actually giving into control. Because we can’t control our real-life relationships or MAKE a boy like us, we create fantasies in our heads: fake conversations, imagined scenarios and relationships that don’t actually exist. This might seem harmless, but it’s not doing you any favors. Not only does fantasizing make you act weird around the boys you like, but it also pulls you away from the only One who is in control: Jesus Christ.
God will give you many opportunities throughout your life. He isn’t controlling every outcome or dictating who you choose to marry. But He IS the only One who can lead you to godly potential spouses. If you want to find a godly guy, the best thing you can do is seek God first. Allow Him to lead you. Stop trying to control all the circumstances. Don’t fixate on one person when there are many more who may be a better fit for you, people you have yet to meet. God alone can lead you down the right path, but if you aren’t open to the opportunities He gives you, you might just settle for less.
2. Check Your Thoughts
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)
Check your thought patterns. How you think changes how you act. If you’re embarrassed because you continually act foolish around guys you like, it’s probably because you’ve rehearsed how you think your next meeting will go! When it doesn’t go the way you imagined, you don’t act like yourself.
By fixing your emotions, heart and mind on Jesus, you no longer need to plan out these scenarios or constantly have a crush to have purpose. A “sound mind” is a stable mind. It’s a mind that is focused and at rest. Don’t let fear—fear of losing a guy, fear of being single—keep you from seeking God. Let it drive you TO God. Change how you think about your single season. It’s not a problem to be fixed; it’s a time to redeem.
3. Root Yourself in This Season
But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness. (Matthew 6:33)
Finally, don’t race through your single season trying to find a guy to get you out of it. Like a fruitful tree or thriving flower, put down roots right where you are. Become friends with the guys around you without getting possessive. Enjoy your girlfriends, join new groups and get to know your city. Be okay with not being in a relationship right away.
The funny thing about settled women is this: Their confidence is attractive. They have nothing to prove to the boys they know, so they end up being their most authentic selves. Isn’t that who you want the guys in your life to see?