How You Talk About Sex Matters

    Between church and our culture, we’re given mixed messages about sex on a daily basis. As believers, our sexual ethic differs from that of the world. But this leaves many young Christians confused about how to discuss sexual topics in the culture without becoming like the culture.

    Some decide the best solution is to avoid discussing sex at all. This is neither biblical nor healthy. If we don’t disciple one another in biblical sexuality, the world will disciple us in their version of sex. So if the solution is not silence, how should we talk about sex?

    Sex is a sacred act and should be treated with honor—both in the marriage bed and in how we discuss it. But honor and secrecy are not the same. We are born into this world sexual beings, and as such must learn how to use our sexuality in a God-honoring way. There are several ways we shouldn’t talk about sex, and by identifying these, we come closer to how we should talk about this sensitive topic. In short, we shouldn’t discuss sex with attitudes of fear, bitterness, flippancy or disrespect. Our view of sexuality must be reframed according to God’s design, and our hearts aligned with that worldview, to discuss sex in a God-honoring manner.

    “Okay,” you might be thinking, “I think I get it. But why is this such a big deal? Does it really matter how we talk about sex?” Here are three reasons why it does.


    How We Talk About Sex Reflects on God

    As previously stated, we are all created with a sexuality. Until puberty, this sexuality remains mostly dormant and is visible through the differences in our biological design. When we talk about sex and sexuality in a fearful manner, we’re ignoring the beauty of God’s creative power. Our sexuality is an incredible gift!

    Conversely, when we talk about sex in a disrespectful or crass manner—much like the world does—we’re demeaning the sanctity of this gift. As believers, we are ambassadors (representatives) of Christ. Are we representing God’s design for sexuality the way He would do so? Our words and actions reflect on God.


    How We Talk About Sex Reflects Our Hearts

    Secondly, how we talk about sex reveals the nature of our hearts. If we are in bondage to fear, we’ll get awkward when sex is brought up. If we’re drawn in by the world’s perspective on sex, we’ll make crass jokes and mock godly sexuality. But if we trust God and His design for sex, we’ll have a healthy balance in our discussion of sex. We won’t be afraid to talk about it from a biblical perspective—or even celebrate it at Christian lingerie showers and weddings!—but we will also keep our discussions respectful.

    If you struggle to strike this balance, it’s probably time to reframe your view of sex, acknowledge any lies you believe about it and allow God to transform your mentality toward your sexuality.


    How We Talk About Sex Alters Our Actions

    Finally, how we talk about sex changes how we act. This is because it is our thoughts that dictate our words. These same thoughts dictate our actions. If we continually think about sex according to the world’s standards and feed our minds on worldly sexuality through movies, TV shows, books and magazines, we shouldn’t be surprised when compromise comes easily.

    The church needs to change how we talk about sex. Our words send a message to fellow believers and to the world about God and ourselves. Biblical sexuality has never needed honor as much as now. That honor begins with you!

    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer
    Phylicia Masonheimer is an author and speaker teaching women how to discern what is true, discuss the deep stuff, and accomplish God's will for their specific lives. She holds a B.S. in Religion from Liberty University, where she met her husband, Josh, and now lives in northern Michigan with her two daughters, Adeline and Geneva.

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