I Am Totally Fine…NOT! By PI Girl Bekah

    This past summer, I went through a pretty tough season in my life. I was betrayed by someone I trusted completely. Not very many people knew about it, though, and I wasn’t about to go and tell everyone about how hurt and messed up I was feeling! So many times over the summer, someone would ask me “Hey, how are you doing these days?” and my immediate, automated, overly cheerful response was “I’m doing great! What about you?”

    Thing is, I wasn’t really great. I wasn’t good. I wasn’t even really fine. I was stressed out and tired.

    When someone asks us how we are, no matter how we actually are, we almost always say we’re fine, or good. At least, that’s the case for me. My life can be going upside down, all around and jumping through a hoop all at the same time, but if someone asks me how I am, my automated response is “I’m good! How about you?!” Doesn’t matter if I’ve had a dreadful day, week, month or even year. I don’t want to give the impression that anything ever goes wrong in my life. You guys really don’t need to know that I struggle with stuff, so I’ll just pretend I don’t! Smart, right?

    Do we honestly believe that we’re the only ones hurting? I mean, are we actually selfish enough to think “I’m the only one who has problems—no one understands”? Well, for me, the answer is definitely yes.

    I can get so caught up in my own issues that I start thinking I’m the only one who has problems. I am the only one who has problems getting along with my siblings. I am the only one who has problems getting along with my parents. I am the only one who has problems with some of my closest friends. I am the only one who was super close to one of my siblings, and then somehow I’m not anymore (they got a boyfriend/girlfriend, they moved away, etc.). I am the only one who has lost a best friend over a stupid rumor. I am the only one who has been betrayed by a best friend. I am the only one who has had mean things said about me. I am the only one who gets misunderstood. I am the only one who has problems with self-worth. I am the only one who doesn’t always do well in school. My parents are the only ones who fight. My family is the only one with financial struggles. My family is the only one who’s had to make major adjustments in the last couple of years.

    Wait…seriously? I get so caught up in feeling sorry for myself, I forget that I’m not the only one who’s hurting. I think part of the reason we start thinking we are the only ones with problems is that we tend to try to hide our problems from each other. It looks like we are the only ones hurting because everyone else thinks the same thing and tries to hide their own pain from everyone else! We seem to be ashamed of the fact that we have problems! We all struggle with things, big and small. Everyone has some kind of disturbance, a ripple, on their pool of life. It just depends on how big the rock was that was thrown in! And honestly, we shouldn’t even be feeling sorry for ourselves, even though that seems like the thing to do.

    “My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into diverse temptations; knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” —James 1:2-4

    “And he said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.’ Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” —2 Corinthians 12:9

    “And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also; knowing that tribulation worketh patience; and patience, experience; and experience, hope: and hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” —Romans 5:3-5

    These verses tell us to rejoice, to glory, to have joy in our tribulations, infirmities, weaknesses and temptations. To me, that doesn’t sound like we’re supposed to be ashamed of them, to try and hide them. Instead of hiding the things we struggle with, we should be open about them. Knowing that others have gone through exactly what you’re going through, or just even knowing that other Christians do struggle, can be such a comfort. Not only can it be a comfort to someone else when you share, but as a general rule, it really isn’t that healthy to hold all the sadness, heartache and pain inside of you. Talking to someone does help. And even when we’re being bogged down by things, it doesn’t mean we can’t also be thankful that we’re going through a tough time because it will bring us closer to God!

    What’s even worse than trying to hide the fact we’re hurting from other people is trying to hide it from God. Not that we can, but that doesn’t mean that sometimes we won’t try. It’s almost as if we feel guilty about having struggles. God allows these struggles to make us stronger! Of course He knows all about them, and He doesn’t think any less of us for having them!

    Do we actually allow ourselves to believe that God will think less of us for struggling? Uh, God has already seen us in our most vile and weak state of sin, and He still loved us! He died for us! And now we’re thinking that He will look down upon us because we’re going through something that is hard for us? He has already forgiven all our sins. God has never looked down on you. He has loved you, and always will continue to love you! The trials we have are meant to bring us closer to God. If we try to hide what we’re going through from Him, that won’t bring us closer to Him at all! He wants us to fully depend on Him for strength. God gives us struggles so that we can learn to rely on Him instead of only ourselves.

    “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
    —1 Corinthians 10:13

    I guess what I’m trying to say is: Know that someone always will understand. Even if no one on this whole planet understands you, the one who lives in Heaven DOES. He understands exactly what it’s like, and He cares tremendously. God does give us more than we can handle by ourselves, but that’s the beauty of being a child of the Living God—we don’t have to handle it ourselves. He can handle it for us!

    He knows all about your scars from the past, and your gaping wounds in the present. He knows everything about you, and He knows that you can’t make it through your life without His help. And sometimes His help is going to come from the poeple around you and the people you will meet. Which is why you can’t just shut everyone out and pretend like your life is all rainbows and sunshine. I tried that for way too long, and though I was happy in a way, deep down I was in a tortured state. I wasn’t healing because I wasn’t facing the problem and letting God get to work on fixing it for me!

    I’m telling you right now that it’s okay that you’re not fine. It’s okay that you struggle with temptations. It’s okay that you’re hurting. It’s okay to go and tell someone about what’s in your heart. If you don’t feel you can trust someone in your life, then go and find someone you can trust. Tell God about your problem and ask Him to bring you to someone you can talk to, and the amazing thing is…He will! God wants to help you, but He can’t do that unless you are open to Him. Maybe you’re not ready to talk to another broken human about what pebbles have been thrown into your pool of life (or maybe they’re boulders?), but you can always talk to the one who already knows it all: God.

    Remember, everyone struggles with something, even if they’re not willing to admit it. No one has a perfect life, absolutely no one. You don’t need to be ashamed of what you’re going through, because a true friend can be found, and He isn’t going to judge you for it.

    Love in Christ,

    PS: I love this YouTube video from Blimey Cow, and it perfectly relates to what I’m trying to convey in this post! Watch it here!

    Do you have words of wisdom you want to share with the PI community? Submit your own article here!


    1. This is exactly what I needed to read. I feel left out and annoying and I feel as if no one would understand because people haven’t in the past. I’m extremely depressed and I’m constantly telling people I’m fine because I refuse to come off as the weak one. I’m the innocent, sweet girl-next-door person in my group of friends and to break that stiff stereotype terrifies me. This was needed, thanks 🙂

      • onfire4god, I’ll definitely be praying for you! I hope that you’ll be able to come out of that stereotype, and your friends will accept you for who you are. I know it will be hard, but if they’re your real friends, then they’ll be there and help support you 🙂 Praying dear!

    2. What you said is so true. Only Satan wants people to close up about their problems. The Bible points out many times the importance for us to help one another. God said after creating Adam: “It is not good that the man should be alone”. Proverbs 27:17 says, “Iron sharpeneth iron; so a man sharpeneth the countenance of his friend.” All throughout the New Testment Jesus calls His church to selfishlessly love and serve others. Galatians 6:2: “Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.” God desires a church in which it’s members strengthen, help, and pray for one another.

      • I completely agree Kayla! One of the best ways to defend ourselves against an attack from Satan is to build each other up, but somehow he’s succeeded in making it really hard for us to break out of the mindset that we have to fight alone. We all need to stand together 🙂

    3. This is a wonderful article, Bekah! Thank you for sharing! Your words are so true, yet all-too-commonly over-looked or forgotten. I’ve found that a great way to cheer yourself up a bit is to smile and encourage others. I’m not saying to plaster on a fake smile and force compliments––no, that is not what I’m getting at at all. While it’s okay to feel sad when bad things happen, and we’re allowed a short time of grieving, we should come to God and ask Him for strength and guidance. After a while, even if we don’t feel like it, we should smile and try to find something positive in life. For me, I find encouragement in encouraging others. By complimenting someone––whether on their looks, work, achievements, or whatever else––in turn blesses me. It’s a great way to not only see life in a more positive light, but also to bless others with the love of Christ.

      I hope everything is going well for you now, but please let me know if there’s anything I can pray for! God bless! (:

      • Freedomlights – Thanks for your comment! I totally do the same thing, I find that encouraging others encourages me 🙂 Which is one reason I posted this article! Looking for the good in things keeps the focus off yourself too, so that’s just an added bonus 🙂
        Thanks for your offer of prayers 🙂 I appreciate it! Please just pray that I’ll be able to rely on God’s strength, and not my own, or anyone else’s for my happiness 🙂 Thanks hon!

    4. Thank you so much Bekah! Yesterday was kinda the day i sorda broke down and cried. And i was able to tell someone about it. It is kinda weird because for some reason i was able to open up to this person. It always felt like there is no one that i could ever trust but i guess there are people who are trustworthy. My life has been a struggle for so long and like ive always said to others ” the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem” and these past few weeks
      i realzed that that applies to my life as well. Even me saying this right not is eyeopening. Im starting to realize alot of things. I struggled and still struggle with temptations but ever since i admitted that “God, I have a problem and i cant do this without you. I know ive said this before but i want to try again. I need your help” I`m on my way to recovery. Im learning so much and im finally able to open up and let the steam out. Everyday im realizing so much its amazing! Thank you so much for the article Bekah!

      • julsic – I’ll definitely be praying for you dear! It’s such a relief to find someone who you can be open with… I just found someone like that recently, and it’s been a great help to me!
        And I totally get how simply the act of actually writing something down can reveal the truth to you! I do that a lot 😉
        I’ll be praying for you!

      • Blimeycow is awesome!!! 😀 I’ve seen like every single one of their videos like ever haha. okay well maybe not ever. but a lot of them 🙂 also this is off-topic but cool profile picture. I’m Catholic too. 🙂
        anyway thanks Bekah for the post it’s so true and I can definitely relate! 🙂

        • Lexi7, I’ve watched almost all their videos ever too! They never cease to make me laugh 😉 lol!
          I’m glad that you enjoyed this post!

    5. ok first of all no. if you have a problem you should tell someone like your mom or dad or someone you trust about it. and yes actually it is ok to feel sorry for yourself and realize tat their is a problem going on in your life at the moment. i mean i know i know there are kids in africa starving right now and your worried about you? your so selfish! well you know what im not selfish i just believe that if you have a problem its ok to feel sad and get some help.

      • unicorns – I’m not sure if you were agreeing or disagreeing with me… but either way, I agree with what you said 🙂 Finding someone you trust is vital is a healing process, and it is okay to admit, and know, that you have a problem.

      • Paris – I’m so glad that you found this helpful to you! Sometimes it’s hard to believe that anyone else understands… but if we just look, we’ll find there are people out there who do! Thanks for your comment 🙂

    6. This was a very good article! 🙂 I’ve always hated the question “How are you?” I really do. It’s all always a lie and it’s stupid to ask people such a huge question when they barely know each other!

    7. This article was perfect for me today. So many times I find myself feeling like I’m the only one with hardships. Everyone struggles but God will always be there to help. We all need to remember that it’s okay to not be okay, God will take care of it.

      • Hannahlovespink – It can be hard when our friends stop hanging out with us as much, or they seem to be latching on to someone new… I know how it feels, because it’s happened to me too many times!
        Your friend may not be aware that you’re feeling this way. You said that you’ve been friends for 10 years, and I think that that’s enough time to be able to just talk to him about it! Tell him how your feeling. Make sure you are very clear that you don’t expect him to stop being friends with this other person, but you’d love to have the same comradeship that you used to :). And you three can no doubt all hang out together, you just need make sure that everyone is included, and no one starts feeling like a third wheel!
        I hope this helped you! 🙂

    8. I do the whole automated “Yeah I’m fine!” response, too, but I have a slightly different problem. Instead of thinking I’m the only one with problems, I think that I actually DON’T have any problems and I’m just making a big deal out of nothing, so I keep it to myself. One time I held in some stuff for a long time and it really hurt me and made me emotional… but I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone because it wasn’t important enough.
      To be honest, it’s still hard for me to tell what’s “important enough” and what’s not… but I do take everything to God, because I know he won’t judge me even if maybe I am overreacting to things.

      • Shayna – Whether or not it’s a big problem for other people doesn’t effect if it’s a big deal or not to you! If you’re feeling hurt, or upset about something, you have a reason for it, and you don’t need to think that your emotions are unreasonable or anything like that! Whether or not other people have the same level of emotion on a issue doesn’t mean that your emotions are unfounded.
        If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone about it, talk to God of course! And, I’m not sure about you, but personally, just writing about what’s making me upset is a HUGE tool in making me feel better. Often, just the act of writing it all out is enough to make me feel better, or at least have a better perspective on it.
        Hope this helped! Keep praying 🙂

    9. Great job, Bek! I’ve read this several times in the past, and each time it inspires me. You have a gift for expressing yourself honestly and with emotion. You never fail to amaze me, my long-lost-twin! 🙂

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