I Can’t Wait to Be a Wife and Mother, But the Guy I Like is Very Shy! Now What?

    Hi. I am a 21 year old young woman. I admire this young man whose 26. He is a very very godly guy but see, he’s very shy. I want to be patient and wait for Gods plan, its extremely difficult when I want to be a house wife and mother. Please I need scripture to help reassure me I am doing what’s right and what Gods best is. Thanks.

    Man, this can be annoying. I’m guessing that you’re feeling that you’re ready to marry and be a mom, so bring on the guy, right? But wait!

    When reading your question, I got two things from it: that you like a shy guy and that you are ready to be a house wife and mother. Well, my fear is that the latter may ruin the former. Why? Because your impatience may cause you to just pick any guy, and not the guy for you.

    If you’re looking for scripture to keep you on your path of patience, how about Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Imagine that! God intends for all of us to have a good life. So, if we want that good life, full of hope, then allow God’s plan to guide you, not your desire to get married and have children. You need to follow His plan, not yours.

    So here’s what I think you should do:

    1. Offer to do something on a casual basis so that the two of you get to know more about each other’s interests and strength of faith. But don’t make it a date. Maybe arrange for  a group of friends to hang out. I’m not trying to encourage you to initiate a relationship, but rather, give him an opportunity to acknowledge you.
    2. Take your time. You’re only 21 so you have time. If you finally get to spend time with this person, learn about him, don’t just try to get closer to him. Find out as much about him as possible. Find out if you would really like to be his wife and have him as your husband. How would he be as a father? How would he be as a bread winner? But more than all of this, find out if the two of you can bring each other and your children closer to God. You have a whole life to spend with your spouse, so don’t rush into finding someone. Take your time to find the right one.
    3. Don’t focus so much on your desire to be a house wife and mother, but more on ensuring that you find the right person. That’s the first step and the more important one. You can be a wife to anyone, but your whole life is affected by the person you end up with. So, focus on the right person.
    4. Pray for patience. Impatience breeds frustration and all the negative emotions that will lead you to make rash decisions that could result in the opposite of God’s plan for your welfare.

    Good luck and God bless!

    Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

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    Got a question about boys, your besties or God? I'm here to help! As the girl all my friends always came to for advice, I've turned my girl talk, level-headedness and love of Jesus into a job -- one I love because I was a teen not long ago, too! Click into Ask Olivia in our Girl Talk Forums to ask me a question!


    1. For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline.
      – New American Standard Version (1995)

      Leadership,,,, Not Timidity or Fear,,, Be careful of how you define Godly.

      In the Christian home,,, God relies on men to be Leaders and Examples.

      Men are to equip and train their family with the Doctrines of Jesus and make Disciples of his children and to nurture his wife to grow in her faith and Godly love to her creator and her family.

      Meekness and Humility does not mean “weakness”.

      Leadership is best done on the shoulders of men.

      Leadership looks to protect and to serve and that sends an example also to children so when they are older they can bring that into their family.

      I suggest he read the 4 gospels repeatedly to know the Mind of Christ.

      Then I suggest he read the book, “Panic” by Ray Comfort.

      Ray was a very very shy and timid person. Today just look at the videos of Ray Comfort and Kirk Cameron at (Living doing on the street witnessing to the roughest meanest people in your face and see how the wisdom of the 4 Gospels has transformed Ray’s shyness into a powerful bold man that will stand up to any demon and preach with fire and Brimstone the love of God. Ray will stand up to Goliath!

      Leadership,,,,, comforts and brings peace to a home.

      Leadership,,,, Says we have a Captain on the Ship and he knows where we are going !

      Leadership,,,, Can identify Satans schemes to harm his wife and family!

      IF a husband cannot lead,,,, You now have a directionless family and trouble will be daily visiting your home and family.

      If a man does not know how to Lead, let him submit to Godly men who know how so to nurture him with wisdom and example.

      If a man cant lead,,, Do Not Marry Him,,,, Jesus develops and Disciples men to be leaders, if they are truly learning to have the mind of Christ,,, They will lead, they will protect, they will Love, they will lay down their lives.

      A christians business is the Gospel,,, He must be sold out to take that message to the world, and to his wife and children.

      A “husband” needs and a marriage needs and a family needs all the qualities of a Leader.

      If he does not have these it does not mean he is not saved, but it invalidates him as husband
      and father material in his resume.

      He can still do many things for God,,, but timidity and shyness in a marriage will mean divorce.

      OK,,, so now,,, what are the credentials and resume for a “woman” for marriage?

      What are your mental, emotional, and spiritual condition you are bringing into a Marriage?

      What kind of package are YOU? Got some “baggage” issues of your own?
      Have a chat at the mirror soon with Jesus !

      I f a man DUMPS on his wife his leadership responsibilities, You have got yourself a BIG mess, and if Women assume a Husbands responsibilities YOU bring pain to your heart!

      Blessings & Wisdom to all.

      • @Marissarulz. Thanks for the clip. A full response to the “out of context” argument would require a post in itself, so I’m going to keep this brief and likely open to further questions, sorry! First, my questions to you are these: Does God not have a plan for us? Does He not plan for our welfare, but instead plans for evil? Does He not give us a future and a hope? It’s true that this verse is often misused. But I don’t think it’s overused, and I don’t think I used it out of context. It’s not good to assume that just because a letter to a group of people in scripture, whether it’s the Corinthians or the Romans, (in this case to the Jewish exiles in Babylon) should not be applied in our own lives, as individuals and as a Christian community. Everything in scripture is meant as a lesson to Christians back then, now, and in the future. Of course, not everything is literal, but everything is written for our guidance, otherwise it wouldn’t have been included in scripture.This verse is about God’s love for His people. It’s a verse about hope and trust. It doesn’t mean that everything will be fine and dandy and we will never hurt, but it does mean that God has a plan for us and so we should have patience and trust in Him, no matter what our fears and concerns are. It means that He will be faithful to us if we are faithful to Him. And being faithful to Him is about giving our lives to Him. It’s a verse about restoring our relationship with Him. And it applies to this young lady’s fears about her life and future as an individual and as part of the Christian community. So, in short, you should always know the context of all scripture, but you should also understand how it applies to you as a Christian. I hope that helps. God bless you. Olivia

        • Jut my interpretation, and I don’t know that it’s right, but what I THINK it means is that, while God may not have marriage in his plans for someone’s life, He knows what he does have planned and, in that person’s life, it’s better than marriage. “Faith isn’t knowing what the future holds (like whether or not God’s plan for you includes marriage), but knowing who holds the future.”

    2. Nolasleuth, I don’t believe that the man is supposed to be the “leader”. It doesn’t even say that in the Bible. Both men AND women should be good examples, and BOTH of them should be leading each other and their children closer to God. Of course husbands, should love and protect their wives, but wives should do the same. And of course the husband shouldn’t put ALL the leadership on the wife, but the wife shouldn’t either. Husbands and wives should both try to be selfless and Christ-like and both love and encourage one another in their faith 🙂

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