“I Have a Boyfriend and I Have Feelings for Other Guys. Am I Still Ready for a Relationship?”
Written by Ask Olivia | September 24, 2014
I’m feeling very confused. So I’ve been with my boyfriend since May 21. We broke up for nine days, but we’re together again. Anyway, my guy friend told me “if you’re having feelings for other guys, then you’re probably not ready for a relationship.” Do you think this is true? I have feelings for my guy friend, ironically. He doesn’t know it. But I’m wondering whether that quote is true! I’ve been praying about it, but the answer I’m getting is neutral. I don’t know whether I should stay with my boyfriend or break it off. The last thing I want to do is make a rash decision. I really believe in dating with intention. I could see myself marrying my boyfriend. But I could also see myself marrying a few other guys. Also, my boyfriend loves me. What do I do?
Oh man! This is definitely a predicament. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you what to do about your boyfriend, but I can say that if you have feelings for other guys besides your boyfriend, and can see yourself marrying all of them…well, then I’m guessing you may not be ready for a relationship. I write “guessing” because I don’t know you and I don’t know the dynamics of your relationship. But based on your interest in other guys, this seems to be the case.
Let’s be clear. There is no perfect guy, but there is a perfect guy for you. In order for you to live a happy and content life, you need to be sure that the man you’ve married is the man for you. How sad it would be if you weren’t happy and looked back, wondering if it was any of the other guys you liked in the past! No. It’s important that when you marry a man, you are 100 percent sure that you love him like no other and that he is the one for you. No other man should fit the bill. Otherwise, the man you marry is just a guy…not your guy!
Also, since you write that your boyfriend loves you, I wonder if you’re not being fair to him. Imagine if you were with a guy you loved, and you found out that he had feelings for you and other girls…and he could see himself marrying you and those other girls? I know I wouldn’t like that. What would you want him to do? Would you want him to break up with you and make up his mind?
So, here’s what I think you should do:
- Ask yourself if you’re ready to get married. I mean, this is your first question, not whether you’re ready for a relationship. Once you are ready for marriage, then you should go ahead and date.
- Determine the type of man you want to marry. Do all the guys you see yourself marrying fit the bill? Have you even decided on the kind of guy you want to marry? Would he have to be a devoted Christian, a family man, patient, kind, generous, loving, wholesome and so on? Determine what you’re looking for and you will have a better understanding of whether your current boyfriend is the one for you.
- Understand that in order to date with intention, you really shouldn’t get emotionally involved. This is only the first stage of finding your husband, and during this process you should be just meeting a guy. You should be learning about him and whether he is someone you would marry. Does he have the character you want in a husband? The emotions should be saved for the courting stage.
- Read your Bible. God’s Word is clear. Everything you need to know about being a Christian, relationships and marriage is in the Good Book.
- Pray and then listen. I know you write that the answer you’re getting is neutral, but God created marriage. He is specific in His design, and in order to fulfill His desire, we really need to proceed with prudence and temperance.
Good luck and God bless!
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the Ask Olivia Girl Talk forum or in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!