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Love

“I Like a Player! What Should I Do?”

I like this guy who has a reputation for hurting girls. I’ve tried not to like him and have even asked God to help me stop liking him, but I STILL like him! Am I wrong? What should I do?

Girlies, unfortunately, you don’t always get to choose who you fall for! Even worse is that sometimes, even when people know that a relationship could potentially end in a disaster, the strong emotional attraction makes them give the relationship a try anyway. However, it’s important to note that although you can’t always control how you feel, you CAN control what you do with those feelings! Here are some tips on handling this situation:

  • Ask yourself, “Has he changed?” People absolutely can change! God is the ultimate redeemer and will help anyone renew themselves if that’s what they want to do. HOWEVER, the key is that they have to want it! So, how has this guy demonstrated that he has changed? Does he demonstrate the love of God toward others? It sounds like you still have some concern because you wrote the letter. Well, the Bible says that you’ll know a person by the fruit that he bears. It’s very important to guard your heart – so be sure that this guy demonstrates the fruit of the Holy Spirit before you open your heart up to him!

The Bible says, “The Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” (Galatians 5:22-23) Does your crush demonstrate these Godly traits?

  • If you truly believe he has changed, consider taking it slow. Build a friendship with him and watch his behavior over time. If you see any red signals or yellow alerts (warning signs), then you should really reconsider whether he’s someone who’s worthy of dating you.
  • Pray for revelation. Instead of asking God to help you stop liking this guy, you may want to try praying for direction. Ask God if he’s someone that you should become involved with. If you truly believe that God has given you the stamp of approval, then go for it! However, if your spirit is unsettled about it, perhaps you should “stand still” for awhile and ask God to make it much clearer for you. If God cautions you to NOT move forward with a relationship, then CHOOSE to be obedient! Remember, try not to depend on what you’re feeling, but focus on what’s best for you in the long run. God wants to protect you!
  • It’s your responsibility to protect your heart! Sometimes we make choices that end in unexpected consequences. However, if there are warning signals beforehand, then it’s important to use caution! It’s absolutely possible that your crush may have changed his ways but you should make sure that you’re comfortable with the changes before entering into a relationship with him. You’re SPECIAL and deserve nothing less than all of what God has for you!

What do you girls think? Have you ever been in this situation before? Do you have any advice for her?

Image: iStockphoto | ThinkStock + Project Inspired

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15 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by kelldso on December 29, 2013 at 16:25

    I really like this one really really player kind of guy. He has dated 2 of my friends but the both lasted less than a month. I really really like him. and maybe even love him. I just think that he would never date a girl like me A goofie goodie goodie who has like no boobs. HELP

  2. jesuswasajew

    Posted by jesuswasajew on December 27, 2013 at 17:15

    I liked a JEWISH player once, and it didn’t end well. It was totally worth it bc he was a sexy beast, but he played with my heart and also did not believe in Jesus. It tore me apart, not only because he was following the desires of the enemy, but because he was also a Jewish PLAYER!!! he flirted with other girls right in front of my nose, but I couldn’t help but fall madly for him. Eventually, I asked God for forgiveness for my sin of following my temptation of being with him, and decided to go for it. It was a huge mistake, because (typcial jewish boy) he was only trying to get in my pants, and (of course) I did not let him. It ended, then. I am so glad it did, because a week after I stopped talking to him he made another girl unpure (WITHOUT ANY DESIRE TO MARRY HER!!!!). Moral of my story, do not fall for player, because they will only break your heart. and if you do, pray to God and Jesus to help you, because players only want one thing– and as good Christian girls, we should not help them obtain this!

  3. fangirl@heart

    Posted by fangirl@heart on December 1, 2013 at 11:06

    I liked a player for a while too, and, ironically, it was a “mission trip romance.” I didn’t even know if what I was hearing about him was true, though! It’s really frustrating being in a situation like that. Thankfully, I prayed about it, and God finally took away my feelings. This is not to say that it was easy to pull away, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, and it caused some damage for sure, because I didn’t really do it right. And it took me months to stop liking him completely. But it’s improving now because I’m learning more now that even though he’s definitely not the right guy for me to be interested in or to date right now, he’s a really cool guy and a really good friend. So my advice is just to pray about it… God will show you where to go from there (:

  4. DanceforJesus

    Posted by DanceforJesus on November 8, 2013 at 07:32

    Thanks so much, Aysha! I needed this so badly! I have begun praying very hard. Thank you again!

  5. Project Inspired

    Posted by Riah_henderson on October 29, 2013 at 21:18

    I recently just started liking a player and I don’t know what to do. He’s told me that he likes be too and he’s actually who I had my first kiss with. Plus we text nonstop, and I really like him! He’s also christian and I’ve been going to his youth group with him for the past two weeks. Whenever I bring him up to my friends they ALL tell me that I deserve better but whenever I’m with him he’s the sweetest guy ever and I can’t imagine him being as bad as they say he is! Then again you have to be a sweet guy in order to be a player and get away with it. But anyway today my friend told me that he was kissing another girl last weekend and my heart was literally crushed.. I’ve been crying off and on for awhile and it really sucks! I don’t know what to do and I know that I have to just drop it but I get anxiety every time I think about not talking/ hanging out with him 🙁 Idk Please just give me any advice that you may have.

    P.S. The youth group that he’s been taking me to is THE BEST youth group I’ve been to sense I moved so I don’t want to stop going there but I don’t know how I’m going to get there if he doesn’t drive me. This whole situation just sucks.. PLEASE HELP! Thank you so much! 🙂

    • totustuus

      Posted by totustuus on April 29, 2014 at 15:28

      I get what you’re going through, perhaps not to the same degree though. I’m a junior in high school and a senior guy had a crush on me last fall. I hardly knew him, but apparently he had noticed me because at our Cast&Crew party after our fall play he started flirting with me and he wanted to get to know me better. He is a good Baptist guy (seeing as though I’m a Catholic, I suppose I should have seen issues on the horizon, but I didn’t) but he flirts with all of the girls. He invited me on a trip to a Journey to Bethlehem with his church and we both enjoyed ourselves a lot. When we walked back to our cars afterwards (we went on their church bus), we found them iced over; he was so sweet and he scraped off my car for me. That night he texted me saying he liked me a lot and couldn’t stop thinking about me. We talked a lot over the next few weeks, but then the week before school let out for Christmas break, I noticed him reconnecting with one of his previous love interests (he liked her in the past, though I knew she never did like him). I told him that I didn’t like being ditched for her any time she was around and when he said he “didn’t like her that way” and that I was being too sensitive, I decided to back away before I got my heart hurt anymore.
      We didn’t talk much at all for a few months, but then the spring play started and we started seeing more of each other around the theater. One night after a late play rehearsal, I got a text from him out of the blue. (I know it’s a bad idea to talk to those of the complementary gender late at night because emotions/hormones are running high, but I did it anyway, silly me.) I was open to the idea of liking him again, and was flattered that again he was the one pursuing me because so many guys are too scared/ to make the first move or any move at all. That night (via text…lame) he said that he wanted to kiss me.(I had not had my first kiss yet and neither had he) I said I would think about it and that I wanted to talk to him in person. I think that scared him a lot (“we need to talk” I’m told is poor word choice when talking to guys, oops). He didn’t make time for me the next day or the day after that and he barely texted me, except to apologize for blowing me off in person. All I wanted to tell him is that I didn’t want to kiss yet, and especially not outside of the context of a relationship. I wanted simply have a grown-up conversation about where our relationship was going, and about if it was going anywhere at all. I did like him a lot though and really wanted him to ask me out. Over the course of these two days, he flirted with both me and another girl (a nondenominational freshman girl, Heather). She was young and still very much a little girl, she wasn’t very mature about setting boundaries while, whatever would make her get attention, she would do. He (his name is Dominic) and I would be talking and she would come up and hang on his arm, play with his hair, or just stand there and hug him. It was difficult for me to keep my boundaries because I wanted him to know I liked him, but he had another girl on him at almost all times who seemed (in terms of physical contact only) to like him more. I simply prayed that if God it was God’s will for me to date him, that he would give Dominic the courage to ask me out, or ask me on a date, something.
      Finally, since it seemed like he didn’t want to have a good conversation in person about where our relationship was going (unwillingness to have a mature conversation should have been a red flag to me as well, I know, silly me again) I composed a very long text explaining, to the best of my ability, my thoughts and feelings. I sent the text to him while I was at a sleepover (with little Heather right next to me, ironically enough).Dominic responded saying that he was sorry for not telling me sooner, but his parents won’t let him date a Catholic. I could have handled that, I am proud of my faith and wouldn’t give up one bit of it just for a guy or for anything. I was hurt though that Dominic didn’t tell me sooner, I just wish he had known how fast and hard girls fall for guys. Girls give away their hearts so soon and guys often break a heart they didn’t even know they were holding in the palm of their hand. That night he texted little Heather as she fell asleep on the same couch as me “good night, sweetie, I love you and nothing is ever going to change that.” Dominic and Heather had only been talking for a week at most, he could use a little more emotional chastity, I should have seen that from the start. The next day, he asked her out, and the day after that he asked her to prom. I see Heather and Dominic every day, Heather has fallen hard for him, and although he says she’s his one and only (they’ve been dating for only three weeks or so now), he still flirts with other girls and doesn’t seem to truly care that he’s got her heart in his hands and that he’s supposed to be defending it and making sure it doesn’t break. I now realize that he really wouldn’t have treated me any differently, a girl will not change a man, only God will change a man. Dominic and Heather have their arms around each other constantly and don’t seem to have many physical boundaries and no emotional boundaries whatsoever, that’s not the kind of guy or the kind of relationship I want or need. I’m now so glad I prayed God’s will be done, even though the guy I liked didn’t have my interests in mind, my heavenly Father and big brother (Christ) did all along.
      Pray that God’s will be done before you enter any relationship or fall for any guy! And pray for your future husband that he will be a man after God’s heart. I’m praying for you all too! God bless!

    • fangirl@heart

      Posted by fangirl@heart on December 1, 2013 at 11:11

      The guy I liked, I met in youth group as well, and he was really sweet and stuff, and yes, he liked me too. I know how hard it can be to pull back from a situation like that. PRAY. When I prayed about it, God showed me the easiest way (it still was not easy, by any means, but it could very well have been harder) to pull away and start over as friends. I’m sure he’s a really cool guy, so maybe if you try and be friends (I know… it’s near impossible) for a while, you might even be able to help him change. Just make sure you’re not “missionary dating.” This is why I said “be friends.” Good luck!!! Praying for ya! (:

    • Fireball_Morgan

      Posted by Fireball_Morgan on November 12, 2013 at 11:33

      Over the past few weeks, a guy that I had a huge crush on from a youth group I go to started talking to me again. The first time I talked to him (at the beginning of this year), we talked constantly and I fell HARD. After a month or so, he ended up telling me that he liked someone else and pretty much cut me off. But three or so weeks ago he texted me and said we should hang out sometime. I was thrilled and all of those feelings started coming back. We even went on a date and he was the perfect gentleman. I started thinking about the official relationship we were about to start and if I’d bring him to my family’s Christmas (ya know, typical girly stuff), but then one day he didn’t text me first. That went on for three days, until I caved in and texted him. Before this all happened, my mom and my two best friends told me to be careful since he was a player and had hurt me before, but I wasn’t getting a check from the spirit on it and didn’t listen to them. Long story short, he texted me and said it wouldn’t work out because it was “bad timing” and he was super busy with school and work… But two days ago I found out that he came to church with his new girlfriend the day he texted me that. My lesson? Listen to what your friends are advising you. Build a strong friendship first and foremost, because that’s when you’ll learn what he’s really like. Don’t move too quickly, and guard your heart. Hope that helps!

      • fangirl@heart

        Posted by fangirl@heart on December 1, 2013 at 11:13

        I agree! My situation cleared up as soon as I started paying heed to my friends qualms about the guy I liked.

    • starstruck

      Posted by starstruck on November 6, 2013 at 07:58

      Wow this is weird because this sounds just like my situation! Except my guy isn’t as much of a player as he used to be. But it bothers me because he is sooo flirtatious with girls. And I’m so mixed up with how I feel towards him and he told me he does actually like me. And it totally sucks because I started hanging out with his youth group and I love it, but if it ends badly between him and I, I can’t go to his youth group because he drives me. :/ So our situation is a lot alike! Maybe we can help each other out with our dramatic guy problems 😉 lol Hope it all works out for you!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Rhoda on November 2, 2013 at 09:16

      I hope this helps in some way. I agree with Aysha in that you must assess if this person has the Holy Spirit! Is he for God? How does he treat other girls? (I think you might now the answer to this anyway).The input of your friends is important- if a group of people say they WITNESS those things about him, you need to put them into serious consideration and into your prayers! Ignoring your friends may end up in a blow out that you might regret. Keep asking the Lord to reveal this guy’s true heart and intentions.
      Also, you need to remember–as Christians, we gotta be careful. Our emotions may pull us a certain way, but the Spirit and what we have learned is the right and wrong thing to do will most likely tell us otherwise. Follow the Bible, follow God- He has more wisdom. Don’t get convinced by just emotions so that you get blinded by the feeling you get when not talking/hanging out. I know the feeling- I used to like someone but after assessing the matter and time, I said to myself : What in the world was I thinking?? I realized that my liking blinded me to everything else. Though you may like this guy, if he is bad news, the more revelation you get the more the liking will pass away. Seems impossible, but God will help with that.

      About the youth group, if that youth group is spiritually lifting and you feel a calling like you need to be there, pray to God about transportation! He does amazing things when you pray. If you need to not be around this fellow, but God shows that this youth group is for you, then He will provide a way.

  6. rosiegirl

    Posted by rosiegirl on October 28, 2013 at 13:17

    Ummm. Who doesn’t like the “player”? That’s kinda why they’re the player!! Brush it of. A dumb butt like that isn’t worth it. He could change, but face it. They are usually so broken and empty inside that only God can fix them. NOT YOU!

  7. Project Inspired

    Posted by Lover3 on October 24, 2013 at 18:46

    I have a crush but I’m scared he doesn’t like me.What now?

  8. sparklehannah13

    Posted by sparklehannah13 on October 24, 2013 at 12:11

    I’m really glad that Aysha posted this because I have a very very similar situation. This has helped me a lot. Thanks!