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“I Like Him, But He’s Not Good for Me! What Should I Do?”

I’m having trouble with a boy and my emotions right now. You see, my parents won’t allow me to date right now. Me and this boy really like each other and we aren’t doing anything behind my parents’ backs, but I’m gonna be able to date very soon. Neither my parents nor my grandparents agree he’s a good suitor for me. I like him a lot but I don’t know why because I don’t even think he’s a good suitor for me, but I just can’t bring myself to not like him! And he’s even canceled his scholarship so he can stay here with me, so I don’t know how I can tell him that I don’t think we should get together when we can, and then when I’m around him, I don’t want to tell him that. I’m so confused! I don’t want to break his heart but I know we’re not right for each other so I don’t know what to do! Oh yes, I forgot to say he is a Christian so that’s not the reason why I feel we wouldn’t be right for each other, but I know in my heart it wouldn’t work out. I just don’t know what to do about my emotions. If you could offer me any assistance, that would be most appreciated 🙂

Girl, you weren’t kidding about your emotions, huh? When your emotions are all over the place, it’s so hard to make rational decisions…we’ve ALL been there!

I think that the first thing you need to do is set aside your concerns about your parents and grandparents. Not that their opinions are not relevant–they absolutely are. But I’m wondering if some of your emotional confusion may include hints of resentment in response to their views about this guy that you like so much?

A few things popped out at me when I read your question. The first two were, “I don’t even think he’s a good suitor for me” and “I know in my heart it wouldn’t work out.” It sounds like you already answered your own question, right? If you don’t think that he’s right for you, then why is there a problem? Well, it sounds to me like there’s a battle going on between your head and your heart. You know he’s not right for you, but you can’t stop liking him. And the fact that he canceled his scholarship just adds more stress and guilt. Eeek!

I understand that you don’t want to hurt him, but I’m thinking that this will likely and inevitably end in heartache for both of you, because when your heart and your head can’t agree, something’s up.

If you don’t think he’s right, then he’s not right. Like you said, he should be a good suitor, not just some guy you date, right? So, here’s what I suggest:

  1. Tell him the truth. He deserves it. You don’t want to keep him hanging on if he’s not right.
  2. You should tell him to take the scholarship, if it’s not too late. The time away from each other will help determine the truth.
  3. Pray about it. Ask God to remove the desire in your heart if this boy is not the one for you.
  4. Work on your walk with Christ. The strength of your relationship with Him will enable you to better see and recognize the best suitor for you.
  5. Consider the boy who is best suited for you. Rushing into a relationship with this boy could lead you to a destructive relationship, and you may miss out on the guy you’re meant to marry.
  6. Remember, when you meet the guy who’s meant for you, God will let you know by bringing your heart and your head together in agreement.

I really pray it all works out for you. God bless and good luck!

Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

Image: Project Inspired

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20 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by Giraffe_Girl_14 on March 7, 2015 at 19:47

    Hi, I’m a bit shy about using my first name here due to the PURE AWKWARDNESS of my problem. So first off, you should know I’m 18 years old. I’m a freshman in college and I’m a hardcore Lutheran Christian. (I don’t know why I said hardcore, I guess I just mean I’m super devoted to my faith and nothing will ever change that..) anyway, I…I’m a huge flirt. I admit it. And this is going to sound completely narcissistic, but I’m only saying this because it really happens. Okay… So every guy that I get close to (as in friendship-wise) ends up later telling me that he has feelings for me. Now, me being a girl that used to be teased about looking more like a boy (before puberty; I was a VERY late bloomer), it’s really strange to me I have so many guys suddenly tell me they have feelings for me. Well here’s the problem: there are two guys. Two guys that I love to death and I’m having a really hard time figuring out if it’s friendly “brother and sister in Christ” love, or if it’s actual “I love you intimately” love. The next problem is neither of them are my age. One is four years younger, and the other is about ten years older. You’re probably thinking that I’m crazy, and I can understand that, but it’s really bothering me, and it’s been weighing heavily on my mind and heart. I’ve prayed about it, but I can’t hear God, and I don’t know what it is that’s distracting me from hearing Him. Please help!!!

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by KassiaJ on March 6, 2015 at 21:05

    Good Evening, my name is Kassia J. McKain and I’m a freshman in college, and never had a boyfriend, never been on a date before. (No lie) and sometimes if not all the time I get discouraged about will I ever have a boyfriend or will I eventually get married? Listening to music, listening to God’s word and family has really helped but my thoughts still keep coming. A lot of guys just look at me and not say something. And I’m the old fashion girl where a guy comes to find the girl. Like the scripture in the bible. So I need some advice on how I can keep these thoughts from not coming to my mind anymore cause it’s causing me to really overthink and thinking about my problems more than Jesus and I don’t like that at all. #HonestTruth please if you’d help me that would be great.
    -Kassia

  3. emichly15

    Posted by emichly15 on October 11, 2014 at 00:23

    There is this guy that i “re-met” about a month ago that once a week flirts with me, then says he can’t “do anything with girls”, then flirts, but doesn’t talk to me in person and when no one else is looking but me he gives these long intense stares and winks..everyone i know says he’s really really REALLY weird and I believe it but im really attracted to him deep on the inside and i have no idea why..he can’t get out of my head, but I know he’s not good enough for me!!!!! and my friends and family won’t even allow any potential getting together 🙁 but we both like each other, in odd ways…any advice?

  4. boergoatgirl

    Posted by boergoatgirl on June 10, 2014 at 14:02

    How do you know if a guy truly, genuinely loves God or just acts the part to impress you?

  5. Lazygal1212

    Posted by Lazygal1212 on March 16, 2014 at 22:43

    There’s this one guy who really likes me but none of my fiends and I don’t like him at all what should I do?

  6. eefrye16

    Posted by eefrye16 on March 5, 2014 at 22:27

    I recently connected with this guy who I had a huge crush on him. We have only been texting for a day when he asks me for pictures of my body. I told him no because I’m a Christian and that’s not how I roll and he didn’t even care that he had a girlfriend. He keeps asking and I decided I had too end it because he wasn’t good for me. It was really hard for me because I really liked him and I kept asking myself if I should end it or keep texting him. I ended it though but I still like him. After reading the article I know that if I pray for God too take away that desire he will.

  7. MarineJane

    Posted by MarineJane on March 2, 2014 at 12:42

    Dear Ask Olivia,
    I’m preparing to turn 20 and am still single at college. I recently broke my courtship standard I’ve held dearly for going on for seven to eight years (yes, I’ve been introduced to courtship early) because I thought I was the problem. I never dove into a relationship with this guy, but the downfall came to the point I refused to become his girlfriend after two weeks. I’m definitely not doing that ever again, but from that experience, has made me wonder what’s wrong with me.

    All my friends are getting into relationships, even my sister (two years younger) has someone who has outright said “I will wait until you’re eighteen”. Some of my other friends are becoming engaged. Those who have pursued me have either quit or backed down.

    One of them I can’t really say if he still does hold interest, he had given me a flower in 2011, and it took a year and a half to understand his gesture and why people were shocked. He is not one to do that, as the only girl he’s truly interacted with was mainly his sister. He’s someone I could definitely follow: We see everything equally, we both have a drive for God, and he’s active in the church. He also is a strong leader spiritually for those around him, younger or older. Apparently, mom said I’ve held a torch for him for quite a few years. His expectations are high, and black and white.

    I went on the two dates and tried moving on for one reason: being that I thought he had found someone else, and I wanted him to be happy. His judgement is impeccable, and his wisdom is astounding. He’s leaving for Pensacola, but to my knowledge he has not found someone else. If I had known that there was never another someone else, I would have remained waiting instead of accepting the dates.

    I’m feeling emotionally worn. My beliefs and integrity was attacked by the guy I had dated. I broke my standards, which never has happened before until now, so I don’t feel like I could meet this guy’s standards: asumming he still holds an interest for me and is unaware of the events. What should I do? I’ve been praying, but I still don’t feel better.

  8. Project Inspired

    Posted by MAMI on February 28, 2014 at 19:42

    ASK OLIVIA, I like a guy thats older than me. I’m 15 hes 18. My moms okay with that because she trusts me. I want him to get to know God but he doesnt care about God. He believes and he has a godly mother but his father gets in physical fights with him. Hes been to juvy and smokes weed. idk what else he does or has done. He teases me all the time to get a reaction and i think he likes me. But i really want to help him get on the right track before anything else…what should i do, if not dating but even just helping?

  9. tainaangel45@gmail.com

    Posted by tainaangel45@gmail.com on February 23, 2014 at 08:33

    ASK OLIVIA, i have a question for you there is a guy i would like to know at my college, i ask if he wanted to hang out with me sometime and he said yeah,sure. But my dilemma is that i have two friends that are telling me two different things, one said to directly ask him to hang out, the other said to wait til he mentions that he wants to hang out with me.

    what should i do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

  10. WhatFaithCanDo

    Posted by WhatFaithCanDo on February 21, 2014 at 09:59

    I really, really, realllllllllly like this guy, and have for a year and half. The only problem is he’s 2 10/12 years older then me, and friends with my brothers. Then there’s the fact that although I think we’re close, he may think differently. And the fact that he got a butt of a girlfriend, who changed him some, and since he’s been really distant to me. He even went as far as to unfriend me when I tried Facebooking him. This isn’t like him. I’m trying to not want to hurt him, and have pity because his butt head gf dumped him ON HER BIRTHDAY, after he gave ,her his gift, for no reason that I know of. But he hasn’t tried to communicate with me since. I sent him a message, (www.chaplainkid-pi.weebly.com under blog, the post called edit) that made him mad at me for a month, and I told him on Sunday that I was sorry, and he said he had moved on, and forgiven me. What bothers me is that his sister said he was just being nice Saturday and he was mad at me. But he was acting mostly like he usually does. And she also said she doesn’t know if we were friends which means they don’t talk about me for sure. And they talk about relationships
    .
    And do you think liked/likes me? I’ve noticed he treats me differently then other girls. Examples-
    He had extra chips one time- he gave them to me. He got the wrong thing from the vending machine one time, and he gave it to me. Hes offered me money for a coke before, offered to give me a ride somewhere, we were helping at an event and we passed in a hall and he randomly started shining a light in my eye. We built LEGO mindstorms in co-op and he showed me, not someone else, and later drove it over to my foot and started hammering it. Hes messed with me hair one time, and we used to do a good amount of side hugs. And he always comforts me. Or did anyway. But then theres the fact that he never would text me first or anything. Ugh i’m so confused!

    Basically,
    What should I do?,
    Do you think hes really still mad?,
    Should I text him again,
    What do you think about the age difference,
    and do you think he likes/liked me?

  11. Project Inspired

    Posted by Gabrielle18 on February 19, 2014 at 20:07

    I have a similar problem, I really like my neighbor and his sister told me he likes me too. But, The problem is he’s an atheist and I’m a Christian. 🙁 He will soon be leaving for summer break to visit his mom and stepdad. I’ve been trying to witness to him but I can’t get him to listen with his heart. I pray for him all the time. I would like to have a relationship with him if possible but I will never date someone who the bible says I am “unequally yoked” with. I recently gave him a note saying I liked him and he hasn’t said anything back. This is the first boy I’ve let know that I liked him and now I think that might not have been the best choice. What should I do? I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do next!

    • bjazzmine5

      Posted by bjazzmine5 on February 26, 2014 at 15:13

      he has to want it and if it isnt in his heart it isnt but keep praying for him and let those feelings go its ok to crush over him but dont jump to fast to him give it time seek ask and knock to God and itll all fall into place 🙂 keep praying for him thats all u can do

  12. Project Inspired

    Posted by Beyounique on February 19, 2014 at 20:07

    So my problem is, that I’m not sure if I like this guy. While it may sound silly, I’m confused as to whether I like him, or the idea of having a boyfriend. He is two years older than me and so cute. I love talking to him, and want to whenever I can. However, I also view him as an “older brother” figure in my life. I’m confused. Do I like him? Do I not? I just don’t know.

  13. meredithcurtis1

    Posted by meredithcurtis1 on February 19, 2014 at 16:55

    I have sort of a similar situation. This past November, I broke up with a boy that I was head over heels for. It was tough, but I found a strong foundation with God. A month went by and my grandparents took my whole family on a cruise over New Year. I met this guy from New York that had everything I wanted in a guy. It turns out I ended up liking him more that I was supposed to. I have prayed and asked the Lord, “Take away the feeling because it’s not worth it.” I said that only because he wasn’t Christian and he lives in New York, while I live in North Carolina. Well, two months have passed and I have even stronger feelings for him and I don’t want to feel it because I know there will be heart break. What do I do?

  14. his98child

    Posted by his98child on February 19, 2014 at 16:47

    Hi Olivia, I think I like my ex again :/ Our relationship wasn’t healthy, but that was almost a year and a half ago. Do you think things might have changed since then? I keep on praying, but I feel like God still isn’t done with the both of us yet — like He has some kind of plan that involves us two. Do you have any advice on what I should do?

  15. Project Inspired

    Posted by coleenflight15 on February 19, 2014 at 15:46

    I want to write my own problem similar to this to get advice like you did. How may I do that?

    • WhatFaithCanDo

      Posted by WhatFaithCanDo on February 21, 2014 at 10:03

      It says you comment and she might answer it in a future article!

    • Sjbornman

      Posted by Sjbornman on February 20, 2014 at 06:55

      I don’t remember exactly how I found it haha but I was just looking around on the website to find out how to ask Olivia something and I found a place where you can email the people who work this web and Olivia wasn’t on the list but I sent it anyways and asking if they could somehow get it to the ask Olivia thing. I’m sorry I can’t give you direct instructions to find it! Just keep looking:)

  16. Project Inspired

    Posted by lemonade021 on February 19, 2014 at 15:26

    Painfully relevant right now. Thanks for this.

  17. Jesus_chick_529

    Posted by Jesus_chick_529 on February 19, 2014 at 15:14

    I had a similar experience, and I know I made the right choice now by saying no 🙂