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Love

“I Like Him, But We’re Unequally Yoked! Can I Change Him?”

I really like my neighbor and his sister told me he likes me too. But, the problem is he’s an atheist and I’m a Christian. :( He will soon be leaving for summer break to visit his mom and stepdad. I’ve been trying to witness to him but I can’t get him to listen with his heart. I pray for him all the time. I would like to have a relationship with him if possible, but I will never date someone who the Bible says I am “unequally yoked” with. I recently gave him a note saying I liked him and he hasn’t said anything back. This is the first boy I’ve let know that I liked him and now I think that might not have been the best choice. What should I do? I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do next!

Uh oh! The fact that you have to change him so that he’ll be right for you is a big red flag!

Lots of people get into relationships with big ideas of how they can mold their significant other into someone more compatible. But that’s not how you should select your future spouse–he should already be someone you want to be with. Why? Because what if he doesn’t change? Then what?

Right now you’re pretty much experiencing the consequence of trying to change someone. He doesn’t want to change. He’s not listening to you when you witness to him. He’s not interested! Unfortunately, you can’t make someone know God and love Him as you do. He has to want it in his heart. All you can do is pray.

Now what? Well, scripture is clear about being unequally yoked. “Do not be yoked with those who are different, with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14) The fear is that a believer will be influenced by the non-believer to turn away from Christ.

Now, think about this in relation to your current situation. You said you would never date someone who is unequally yoked, but you still revealed your feelings to him. What if he turns around and says he does want to date you, but he’s still not interested in Christ? Will you date him anyway, with the idea that you’re still going to change him? And if he still doesn’t change? Will you marry him anyway, with the idea that you can change him then? What if he still doesn’t change? Worse than that, what if you do? See where I’m going here?

It’s so important for a Christian to marry a Christian. Why? Because when you share someone’s faith, you share their value system. So when it comes to marriage, finances, parenting, schooling, keeping a home and other aspects of daily life, you will be more inclined to agree because you are both focused on living according to scripture and glorifying God. I mean, who wants to disagree on these most important subjects?

Here’s what I think you should do:

  1. Take a step back.
  2. Remind yourself of why scripture calls for Christians to only marry other believers. Ask yourself who’s more important to you, God or this guy. And ask yourself if you would ever compromise your faith. You should also think about why you’re witnessing to him. Is it for your benefit or his?
  3. Pray! Speak to God about your dilemma. Ask Him to change your heart if this is not the guy for you.
  4. Take the time away from each other to refocus your priorities and strengthen your walk with Christ.
  5. Remember that there is a Christian guy for you out there. He’s not going to be perfect…no one is. But he’s going to be perfect for you, because God knows what you need.

I really pray it all works out for you. God bless and good luck!

Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!

Image: Project Inspired

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19 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by saras0729 on June 14, 2017 at 12:59

    Hi!! So there is this guy…. yes we like each other. But I said I won’t date him because we are unequally yolked. He believes he is saved but he is not bearing fruit. I tried to explain this to him, but I sat there blabbing in all of my confusion and it didn’t make any sense, so my dad took him to dinner. My dad said he is extremely open, but does not have the Godly council it takes at home to really grow in Christ and truly accept him. He kind of puts on this show for me sometimes to show me that he is a Godly man, but I’ve prayed for discernment and for his heart and I will continue to. The only problem is, every time we talk about it, it all gets so confusing and I’m not sure what to do at this point. He really is such a great guy, this is the only (and most important thing) he’s lacking in. I’m not really sure what I am confused about, all I know is that I am and Maybe a girl on here is going through the same situation.
    Thank you mah dear ladies 🙂 <3

  2. Project Inspired

    Posted by saralynne.md on June 14, 2016 at 16:27

    This might be a silly question, but I just didn’t know who else to ask… I am starting to develop feeling for my friend. I really like him, but he is Muslim. The article talks about a guy who is atheist. Does being Muslim change make it slightly okay? Since he does have a religion and believes in God as well? Again I apologize if this all sounds silly, I’m just so confused right now.

  3. ambersky

    Posted by ambersky on May 1, 2014 at 18:51

    I wish I could have seen this when I was in high school. I dated the wrong guy for 9 months and he completely broke my heart. He claimed he was a Christian but I knew otherwise, but I kept trying so hard to change him an things got worse. He cheated on me for months at a time and I had no idea about any of it until his friend finally told me three months after. It was a nasty break up and left me wounded for a year and a half. Two years later I met the love of my life. He’s going to be interning at a church this summer and has made me feel like a princess. We’ve been together over two years now and are getting married next summer. He is a true example of Jesus Christ.
    Never Try to change ANYONE because it WILL NOT happen. Impossible. He will have to make that decision for himself!

    Lots of Love & Blessings
    Amber

  4. Project Inspired

    Posted by Annie Fernandez on March 30, 2014 at 21:10

    Pass me something like that, just never allowed him to be my boyfriend and we were more something like friends with benefits (Which is that it has not been a witness…) and we spent a while bringing us hugs and stuff. But I read Not even a hint and I felt very confronted. Now I want to end this, but I think our friendship and other relationships that are around be affected. I Participe in ministries in my church. I do?

    if not specified, it is also an atheist

    • ambersky

      Posted by ambersky on May 1, 2014 at 18:52

      I wish I could have seen this when I was in high school. I dated the wrong guy for 9 months and he completely broke my heart. He claimed he was a Christian but I knew otherwise, but I kept trying so hard to change him an things got worse. He cheated on me for months at a time and I had no idea about any of it until his friend finally told me three months after. It was a nasty break up and left me wounded for a year and a half. Two years later I met the love of my life. He’s going to be interning at a church this summer and has made me feel like a princess. We’ve been together over two years now and are getting married next summer. He is a true example of Jesus Christ.
      Never Try to change ANYONE because it WILL NOT happen. Impossible. He will have to make that decision for himself!

  5. cinderkitteh

    Posted by cinderkitteh on March 24, 2014 at 06:44

    This advice is coming from a girl who is dating a guy who used to be indifferent and became a Christian: Don’t date a guy who isn’t a Christian! I started dating my boyfriend and he didn’t really know who God was. It really bothered me, but I of course told myself that as long as I stood strong in my faith, it didn’t matter and we could still have fun. But, God was giving me all sorts od signs and feelings that it wasn’t right (I even had a dream that Jesus texted me saying I needed to focus on His love instead of my boyfriend’s! It freaked me out!). He was a good guy, but not a God guy. So many times, I tried to call it quits, but I just couldn’t because I honestly love him. A few months ago, things began to change. He began to start praying. I took him to our friend’ youth group a few times. And lastly, he came to Winter Jam (a totally rockin’ Christian tour) with me. And a week after that, he texted me saying that he wanted a relationship with God like I had. I was so stunned. I texted and called, helping him through the prayer. Now our relationship is as strong as ever, and I get to help him through his new faith. My story is the exception to the rule. It is really, really hard to date a non-Christian, no matter how close to Christian values theirs may be. Christ has the right guy picked for you, don’t settle!

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Gabrielle18 on March 26, 2014 at 19:01

      God has been changing my mind about this boy I liked. Actually God brought a good godly Christian boy into my life. 🙂 Right now we’re just best friends but that’s where it starts right?! lol I have no interest in the atheist boy I had previously posted about. I’m glad your relationship worked out Cinderkitteh. 🙂 Thank you for the advice!

  6. Project Inspired

    Posted by Gabrielle18 on March 5, 2014 at 19:03

    Thanks Olivia! This is a big help to me. It made me think about “why” I was trying to change him! I will still pray for his salvation but now I know I will be doing it for his good! Thanks again! (:

  7. kate800

    Posted by kate800 on March 5, 2014 at 17:31

    I actually have a genuine frustration I’m struggling with right now and I have no idea what path to follow.
    So, I like this guy. We’ve been close friends for years, but I’m Baptist and he’s Catholic. We both have pretty much the same beliefs in God and Jesus, and both strive to follow Christ, but my parents tell me that there’s such a big difference between the Baptist and Catholic religions that it wouldn’t be right for us to get together. Would it be wrong if I told him I like him? Because I’m kind of starting to think he likes me back, and I don’t know what to do or if it would be wrong or not. I mean, we’re not serious or anything, it’s just a crush, but I don’t want to take it any further if I’m not 100% certain that it’s going to be okay with God.

    • cinderkitteh

      Posted by cinderkitteh on March 24, 2014 at 06:47

      It should be totally okay. What matters is that you’re both living for God. You may worship him in different ways, but at the core you still believe in the one true God and His son who saved us all. In my opinion, denominations are all just different ways of worshipping God and we all have the same true values at heart. But, your parents do have final say. I’d try to have a conversation with them and point out your point of view, but if they won’t budge then there’s nothing you can really do but move on and heal. Pray about it!

  8. Lilian121

    Posted by Lilian121 on March 3, 2014 at 16:45

    A few years ago we found a wonderful church and we fell in love with everything about it so we joined and with the help of that church my whole family grew closer to God. But this last year has been crazy hard for the church, 7 pastors have resigned starting with the youth pastor senior pastor, then so fourth. There are only three left and I’m very frustrated that they have all resigned at once and it’s because they have been trying to find a new pastor for almost a year and it shouldn’t take that long so everyone left. My dad says that we are going to sit in the same spot, same church every Sunday and there is almost nothing that could change that. But I have noticed that in this environment there should be love and hope and we aren’t seeing a lot of that. I’m not sure what to do.

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Icare on March 4, 2014 at 19:37

      Lilian…Wow! How frustrating! I hear your pain. Fortunately, the answer is very simple. Unfortunately, it’s also very hard. The Bible says in Ephesian 6:1 that children are to obey their parents in the Lord. So if your dad is saying that this is the church for your family, then this is the Lord’s will for you right now. Even if he is wrong, the Lord did not make a mistake in giving you the dad He did, and God knew the decision he was going to make and in His sovereignty, He put you under His care. God will use this for His good (and yours), if you allow Him to. What YOU can do is pray for wisdom and clear direction for your parents…especially your dad. It’s not easy being a parent and I’m sure he’d be VERY encouraged if you said to him, “Dad, I don’t know if I agree with you, but I know you love us and want the best for us. I know you are praying for wisdom from God and I just want you to know that I’m praying, too, and will support you and try my best not to give you a hard time.”
      You sound like a sweet daughter! Thank you for making Jesus look good! I’m going to pray for you now…”Lord, thank you for Lilian and her family. Please help give this father wisdom in the difficult church situation they are in. I’m not sure what the problem is, but YOU do, Lord, and I ask that you bring any sin to the surface (if there is any) and get that dealt with and bring in the godly man that you want to see run this church. We Love and thank you! In Jesus’ Name, Amen” Lilian, sometimes we have to go through these trials in order to grow stronger. The Lord doesn’t MAKE bad things happen, but He ALLOWS them to build our faith in Him. Trust me, if you follow His Word, you’ll look back on this and totally see His plan. He is perfect! His ways are perfect! God bless!

  9. sha566

    Posted by sha566 on March 1, 2014 at 18:48

    I say that I have a relationship with Christ and I try so hard. I read the bible and I pray all the time but I don’t feel anything I have never had “a moment.” It makes me feel sad a lot. Does that mean that I am not a Christian? Or that I am not saved? What do I do?

    • Project Inspired

      Posted by Icare on March 4, 2014 at 20:34

      The Bible says, “Whosoever (fill in your name here) shall call on the name of the Lord SHALL be saved!” That’s great news, because Titus 1:2 says that God cannot lie. So if you believe the Bible to be true (as I do), than God didn’t lie when He said if you call to Him, He will “save” you from your sins that would otherwise have condemned you to death (hell). Any doubt you may have is from the enemy (Satan) and NOT from God. And our unbelief in God’s Word is sort of saying that we don’t think God is capable of doing what He says He will (ie…calling Him a liar! OUCH!) The Bible says in 1 John 5:13, “These things (the Bible) have I written unto you, that you may KNOW that you have eternal life”. That means that the main reason that God wrote the Bible is not that you MIGHT be saved or that you THINK or HOPE to be saved, but that you may KNOW…have assurance…that you are on your way to heaven when you die. Just remember that you can’t base your salvation on your feelings…your feelings will always be changing. We must base our salvation on the NEVER changing Word of God! How refreshing! Do you believe God’s Word to be true? Do you believe that God cannot lie? Then “call on Him” today if you have doubts. Tell Him you trust in His Word and want Him to be your Lord and Savior. That will give you the assurance that you are His child. And remember, it’s NOT about what YOU do or don’t do, but what Jesus already DID on the cross that saves us from our sins. That’s what makes what we believe not a religion but a relationship. Others say do, do, do…Jesus says it’s already DONE! 🙂

    • travellover

      Posted by travellover on March 2, 2014 at 21:01

      It’s okay that you don’t feel God all the time, I got saved at a young age and I never felt close to God until about three years ago! God has his own timing for your relationship, and he has so many good plans for you, it’s just a matter of patience and trust. I’d start by just really searching to know God. Who is he and how can you build your relationship with him? God is love, goodness, grace and so much more, and when you really start to know him and truly understand how amazing he is, I think you’ll be able to feel so much better because it’s almost impossible not to. you can give yourself time to get to know God personally, one baby step at a time, and I think that praying will help enormously. Just ask the lord everyday for something and keep yourself open to his love. Don’t beat yourself up about how you feel though, I think that no matter what you do God loves you unconditionally for who you are 🙂 I really hope I helped!

    • kate800

      Posted by kate800 on March 2, 2014 at 14:47

      The fact that you’re worried about whether or not you’ve been saved is pretty much a telltale sign that you’ve been saved. You don’t have to FEEL like a Christian to know you’ve been saved. As long as you meant it when you said it, and you strive to follow Christ, then you’ve been saved.
      I understand how you feel. When I was first saved, in fourth grade, I didn’t feel any different. There were at times I didn’t feel like I was truly saved, and I asked the adults in my church about it and they responded the same way I am: “If you’re worried about it, you have nothing to worry about.”
      In fact, I didn’t get my first “moment” until four years after I was baptized, during a church camp worship service. And I didn’t get another “moment” until two years later!
      You don’t have to have “a moment” to be a true Christian. Just trust in God and that He’s got you now 🙂

    • sha566

      Posted by sha566 on March 1, 2014 at 18:49

      If anyone has advice feel free to reply

      • ambersky

        Posted by ambersky on May 1, 2014 at 19:02

        I understand you sweetheart. Now I am a sophomore in college, but I have been there so many times! If I ever had trouble “feeling him” there I would lay in my driveway a night and look up at the stars. As I would do this, I would allow myself to make a list of things that I was doing for God, because he had blessed me with a roof over my head, a family, friends, etc, etc! And then I realized that I wasn’t doing anything for him! So I started doing these random acts of kindness, whether it be helping a homeless person, mowing the lawn for a neighbor, or even simply smiling at people as you walk by. You never know what things like that can do. As I started to glorify God, I began to feel like I was truly walking in his presence. I hope this helped!! Sometimes I still have moments or months perhaps where I don’t “feel” him there at church or wherever, but that almost always means to me that I’m not “shutting up” my life to listen to what he has to say 🙂 I have to close my eyes, turn off all electronics and then just listen. It helps a lot. If you’re mind is constantly on something, it is hard to hear God ya know?

  10. Remedy

    Posted by Remedy on February 28, 2014 at 09:41

    I’ve been struggling with this so I’m super glad this article was posted.