“I Like Him, But We’re Unequally Yoked! Can I Change Him?”
Written by Ask Olivia | February 26, 2014
I really like my neighbor and his sister told me he likes me too. But, the problem is he’s an atheist and I’m a Christian. He will soon be leaving for summer break to visit his mom and stepdad. I’ve been trying to witness to him but I can’t get him to listen with his heart. I pray for him all the time. I would like to have a relationship with him if possible, but I will never date someone who the Bible says I am “unequally yoked” with. I recently gave him a note saying I liked him and he hasn’t said anything back. This is the first boy I’ve let know that I liked him and now I think that might not have been the best choice. What should I do? I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do next!
Uh oh! The fact that you have to change him so that he’ll be right for you is a big red flag!
Lots of people get into relationships with big ideas of how they can mold their significant other into someone more compatible. But that’s not how you should select your future spouse–he should already be someone you want to be with. Why? Because what if he doesn’t change? Then what?
Right now you’re pretty much experiencing the consequence of trying to change someone. He doesn’t want to change. He’s not listening to you when you witness to him. He’s not interested! Unfortunately, you can’t make someone know God and love Him as you do. He has to want it in his heart. All you can do is pray.
Now what? Well, scripture is clear about being unequally yoked. “Do not be yoked with those who are different, with unbelievers. For what partnership do righteousness and lawlessness have? Or what fellowship does light have with darkness?” (2 Corinthians 6:14) The fear is that a believer will be influenced by the non-believer to turn away from Christ.
Now, think about this in relation to your current situation. You said you would never date someone who is unequally yoked, but you still revealed your feelings to him. What if he turns around and says he does want to date you, but he’s still not interested in Christ? Will you date him anyway, with the idea that you’re still going to change him? And if he still doesn’t change? Will you marry him anyway, with the idea that you can change him then? What if he still doesn’t change? Worse than that, what if you do? See where I’m going here?
It’s so important for a Christian to marry a Christian. Why? Because when you share someone’s faith, you share their value system. So when it comes to marriage, finances, parenting, schooling, keeping a home and other aspects of daily life, you will be more inclined to agree because you are both focused on living according to scripture and glorifying God. I mean, who wants to disagree on these most important subjects?
Here’s what I think you should do:
- Take a step back.
- Remind yourself of why scripture calls for Christians to only marry other believers. Ask yourself who’s more important to you, God or this guy. And ask yourself if you would ever compromise your faith. You should also think about why you’re witnessing to him. Is it for your benefit or his?
- Pray! Speak to God about your dilemma. Ask Him to change your heart if this is not the guy for you.
- Take the time away from each other to refocus your priorities and strengthen your walk with Christ.
- Remember that there is a Christian guy for you out there. He’s not going to be perfect…no one is. But he’s going to be perfect for you, because God knows what you need.
I really pray it all works out for you. God bless and good luck!
Need some advice? Ask your relationship questions in the comments below and I might answer them in a future article!