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Christian Life

“I Thought She Was My Friend!” by PI Girl Hannah

It happens at least once to most teens. You develop a close friendship with a girl (or, in some cases, a guy) who seems to be a wonderful friend who would do anything for you. Your friendship is going great and all seems well, until…

  • You discover they lied to you.
  • You find out that they spread rumors about you.
  • They told a secret that they promised not to tell.
  • They pretended to be someone they were not.

And it feels like your world is falling apart. What do you do? You might cry. You might refuse to speak to them again. You’ll probably even ask God why He would allow it to happen. And you’ll probably say something along the lines of: “But I thought she was my friend!”

When this happens, we often don’t know what the correct response to the situation is, and sometimes we respond in a way that does not reflect the love of Christ. So what should you do when your friend has hurt you?

  • Talk to God about it. He knows what you are going through, and he is the ONLY ONE who is going to have all of the answers you need.
  • Search the scriptures. There are so many verses about friendship, betrayal of trust and forgiveness that can give you insight into a godly response to the situation.
  • Don’t confront them immediately. I know our first instinct is to run to this friend and demand to know why they did what they did, and to tell them just how much they hurt us. But more often than not, this ends with more pain for both people involved. Give yourself time to think, pray and consider things before talking to this friend.
  • Talk to a mentor or other adult. I have been through this a few times myself, and I have found that talking to a spiritually mature adult is always a wise idea. And make sure to talk to your parents too. Speak with your youth leader or church pastor and ask them for advice on handling the situation.
  • Remember that it is not your fault. Some people (myself included) have a habit of blaming themselves when bad things happen. We blame ourselves for the actions of other people. I blamed myself when my best friend became angry at everything to do with Christianity, because I was the one who invited her to a church full of judgmental people in the first place. But we have to remember that a person chooses what they do, and even if we might have had something to do with spurring them on, we can never blame ourselves for the actions of others.
  • Finally, pray for your friend. Even if you are angry at her, pray. Pray that she will listen to you when you speak with her, and pray that she sees the error of her ways. Pray that God will help both of you to do the right thing.

I hope that this might be of help to any young woman out there struggling with a broken friendship. Remember that you are cherished and loved by the heavenly Father, even when you are hurt by people who make you feel unloved. God will walk with you through every trial, and will bring people into your life who will guide you along the way. God bless!

—Hannah

 

Image: Thinkstock

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12 Comments

  1. Project Inspired

    Posted by leahh_116 on September 30, 2014 at 16:56

    I had a time a few weeks ago where I questioned my friendship with one of my friends. Me and my boyfriend had just broken up, and 2 weeks later, she’s talking to him. I called her the night it happened, and cried for hours. I have forgiven her now, or when it first started happening, but it still doesn’t take away the pain. I’m nice to her, and all my friends are wondering why, but I just tell them that God forgives me, so I must forgive.

  2. IdaPahus

    Posted by IdaPahus on September 18, 2014 at 09:46

    Awesome to see your article Hannah! So funny to recognize your name!! 😀

    • IdaPahus

      Posted by IdaPahus on September 18, 2014 at 09:48

      I totally know what you are writing about! I have experienced it SO many times. When I was 13 I realized I had never had a true friend(or I had had some but because I didn`t know what a good friend was like, I thought the good friends were the bad ones, if that makes sense)

  3. Publicpassion

    Posted by Publicpassion on September 16, 2014 at 20:39

    That’s what God is for! You can always trust him. He will only help you. He will never leave you.

  4. tanatiger12

    Posted by tanatiger12 on September 15, 2014 at 22:10

    This happened too me with a guy and a girl and many other people I HATE being lied to but it seems like it happens all the time, so I don’t trust people anymore well people I’ve meet ,I don’t go to my parents pastor or anyone anymore! 🙁

    • Mindsong27

      Posted by Mindsong27 on September 16, 2014 at 19:53

      Proverbs 4:23 warns to “above all else, guard your heart, for from it flows everything you do”. It is wise to choose whom you trust with your heart, so that you can give it to those who will treat it with honor. But, because I know the dangers of trying to carry pain alone, I want to warn you not to try it. There ARE people who care about you, and if you can’t find them, it might be time for a change in location. You are so precious in the eyes of Jesus, and you are worth the effort to find people who will show you how valuable you are to Him by being truthful and accountable, both adults and peers. “Two are better than one”, says Ecclesiastes 4:9-10, “because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up”. If all else fails, there is power in being a model of truth in your community, even when others are untruthful. In giving of yourself, you receive. Stay strong, and know that you are loved by the best.

  5. Nina_Schroeder

    Posted by Nina_Schroeder on September 14, 2014 at 10:22

    I have had a few friendships like that. It’s a hard thing. I don’t trust right away anymore, I have to be sure I won’t be hurt. Not fun. I have to protect myself from people now. I have to be aware for me because no one else will. I don’t trust many people, those kind of things ruin a lot for someone. But I’ve found friends now that I know will never do that to me, will protect me from that. You just have to find that person or people who will always be there for you. That’s what makes it better.

    • Mindsong27

      Posted by Mindsong27 on September 15, 2014 at 16:01

      Girl, it sounds like you’ve been through some rough things. I felt your pain in my heart as I read your comment. Those things make beauty difficult to see, inside yourself as well as outside. Just don’t forget to let your light shine through, to allow yourself to love courageously. There is so much beauty in you, which can heal a hurting world. The enemy wants you to give in to hurt, and to stop trying to reach out to love. If he suceeds, the world will never know how much you have to give, and you won’t either. But there are people whom the Father has put in your life who will respect you and encourage you to BE you. Find those people, and let them help you continue to keep your light shining for God. Some good examples might be youth ministers, extended family, and mentors. You are not alone. No matter what, remember that you are a child of the One True King. No insult a person deals you can take away a bit of your great worth as his daughter.

  6. Publicpassion

    Posted by Publicpassion on September 13, 2014 at 22:44

    Hey nice name! I’m Hannah too!

  7. Clairabear

    Posted by Clairabear on September 13, 2014 at 16:05

    Hannah this was amazing!!! It came at the exact time I needed it, thank you 🙂

    And I may have gotten a little happy when I saw your username up there. Kind of in an “Oh my gosh I know her-kinda” way!!!

    • Mandi Pi

      Posted by Mandi Pi on September 14, 2014 at 13:04

      Lol, I thought the same thing! I saw that she wrote it and was like OMG HEY LOOK IT’S LOTR! 😀

      • lotr1997

        Posted by lotr1997 on September 14, 2014 at 18:27

        LOL! I was not expecting that they would publish it, so this is really cool! XD